FOR MORE WE GO, AS WE HAVE SO OFTEN THESE LAST NEARLY 10
YEARS, LIVE TO JASON JONES IN BAGHDAD.
JASON JONES!
>> HELLO THERE, JON?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: NOW, JASON,
NORMALLY RIGHT NOW I WOULD ASK YOU TO EXPLAIN HOW WE ENDED UP
ON BOTH SIDES OF THE SUNNI-SHIA CONFLICT BUT I'M NOT GOING TO DO
THAT.
>> WELL, THANK GOD BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT.
SERIOUSLY, NOTHING.
>> Jon: JASON, I'M NOT GOING TO ASK YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE A FAR
MORE IMPORTANT STORY TO TALK ABOUT TONIGHT.
TONIGHT IS YOUR LAST DAY.
>> Audience: OOOH.
>> THEY WERE NOT PAID TO DO THAT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: I-- I WAS-- REALLY FROM
THE SOUND OF THAT, I WAS GOING ON SAY "ON EARTH."
IT'S NOT ON EARTH.
( LAUGHTER )
IT'S HERE WITH US ON "THE DAILY SHOW."
THIS IS YOUR FINAL PROGRAM.
>> Audience: OOH.
>> OH, SAYS THE AUDIENCE.
THERE WE GO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). PLEASE. PLEASE.
>> Jon: SO RATHER THAN THAT-- WELL, THEY TURNED AWFULLY
QUICKLY FROM RUEING THAT TO CELEBRATING.
>> THEY DID. THEY DID.
>> Jon: RATHER THAN SPEND ANOTHER SEGMENT PRETENDING WE
KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE MIDDLE EAST, WHICH WE DON'T.
>> WE DON'T.
>> Jon: I'M GOING TO ASK YOU RIGHT NOW TO COME HOME.
>> REALLY, RIGHT --
>> COME HOME FROM THE MIDDLE EAST?
>> RIGHT NOW?
>> Jon: WHY NOT?
COME HOME. COME HOME.
>> LET'S DO IT. LET'S DO IT.
>> Jon: ALL RIGHT. LET'S COME HOME.
>> I'M GOING HOME.
I'M COMING HOME.
>> Jon: LET'S COME HOME RIGHT NOW.
LET'S COME HOME RIGHT NOW.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, HE MADE IT!
>> COMING HOME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) EXHAUSTING TRIP.
>> Jon: IT WAS AN EXHAUSTING TRIP.
WE WOULD LIKE TO JUST CELEBRATE WITH YOU JUST FOR A LITTLE BIT.
YOU GUYS HAVE NO-- SO JASON, YOUR FIRST PIECE WITH US WAS
ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO.
I WANT TO SHOW A QUICK LITTLE JUST SNIPPET FROM THAT
10 YEARS AGO.
>> SOON, THE VERY WORST OF HUMANITY WAS ON DISPLAY.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Jon: WE HAVE TALKED
ABOUT THIS, YOU CANNOT COME TO WORK WITHOUT PANTS.
WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
>> WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?
LOOK AT THIS!
IT'S A ROARING LION TRAMP STAMP!
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN MY
PENIS STUCK INSIDE THIS CANTALOUPE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: SO THERE -- >> MY LEGACY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Jon: THERE WAS A TIME-- THERE WAS A TIME WHEN HE WAS OUR
RESIDENT BEEFCAKE.
AND HE WAS OUR GO-TO BEEFCAKE.
>> IT WAS A LOT OF BEEF.
>> Jon: BUT THE EVOLUTION OF JASON JONES, YOUR SKILL AS
OUR INTREPID FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT, LIKE A REAL-- WE
NEVER USED TO-- YOU KNOW WE'D STAND BY PICTURES.
WE WOULD ACTUALLY SEND JASON TO THESE PLACES AND WHAT HE CAME
HOME WITH WAS AMAZING.
>> AS THE ONLY AMERICAN IN THIS ROOM, I'M SCARED.
I'M ONLY A SHOE'S-THROW AWAY FROM THE INCUMBENT PRESIDENT.
WE'RE JUST TRYING TO DO A THING HERE --
>> YEAH.
>> WHERE WE SAY IRANIANS, LIKE, HATE AMERICANS.
CAN YOU JUST DO THAT FOR ME?
>> YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO HATE, TOO.
>> COULD YOU?
>> TO HATE?
>> YEAH PLEASE.
>> NO?
>> WHY NOT?
IF IT WAS GORBACHEV WHO ENDED THE COLD WAR, THEN LET'S JUST GO
TALK TO HIM.
>> WHO ASKED FOR THIS MEETING, WAS IT YOU OR YOUR COLLEAGUE?
>> IT WAS ME.
I WANTED TO COME SEE HIM.
>> IF YOU BRING CAMERAS IN HERE AGAIN, I WILL PUT YOU AGAINST
THE WALL.
>> YOU'RE GOING TO PUT ME AGAINST THE WALL?
>> I CAN ONLY IMAGINE TAKING MY KID TO SCHOOL AND SEEING TWO
DAD'S BRINGING A KID AND ME TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO MY KID
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
>> RIGHT.
I MEAN, IT'S TOUGH TO EXPLAIN THAT THAT KID HAS TWO DADDIES.
>> HOW TO FIND THE WORDS.
>> WELL, OTHER THAN THE WORDS I JUST USED.
>> WHAT?
>> HEY, THAT KID HAS TWO DADDIES.
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?
>> YES, I DO.
>> I'M SORRY, WHAT?
>> YES, I DO.
>> I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH.
>> WELL, I DO.
>> DO.
YOU SPEAK.
ENGLISH?
>> YES, I DO, I SAID YES, I DO.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
>> I DON'T, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
WHAT DO MINORITIES LOOK LIKE HERE?
>> YOU.
>> LIKE ME?
>> YES.
( APPLAUSE ) >> YOU GUYS ALL CARE ABOUT
POLITICS?
>> YES.
>> YES, OF COURSE, I CARE ABOUT POLITICS BECAUSE OUR FUTURE
DEPENDS ON US -- OUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON US SO WE CARE A LOT
ABOUT POLITICS.
>> YOU CARE THAT MUCH YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT MOTORCYCLE.
>> YEAH.
>> WOW.
>> GAYS HAVE ALL THE RIGHTS THAT THEY WANT.
ALL THEY'VE GOT TO DO IS MARRY A PERSON OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.
>> OH OKAY, SO AS LONG AS GAYS DON'T BE GAY, THEY'VE GOT ALL
THE RIGHTS THEY WANT.
>> YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SPECIAL RIGHTS JUST BECAUSE OF THE TYPE
OF SEX YOU HAVE.
WHAT, WHERE IS THAT IN THE CONSTITUTION?
>> IT AIN'T.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> YE-HAW!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: UNBELIEVABLE! YOU ARE, IN MANY RESPECTS,
YOU FOR ARE A LONGTIME "THE DAILY SHOW'S" AMBASSADOR TO THE
WORLD.
>> THANK YOU.
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A GOOD THING.
>> Jon: DO YOU STILL HAVE A PASSPORT? OR DID THEY --
>> THEY REVOKED IT.
>> Jon: ALL RIGHT. I WOULD ASSUME THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> Jon: BUT I JUST WANT TO SHOW-- YOU KNOW, JASON DID MORE
FIELD PIECES-- I DON'T KNOW EVEN IF YOU KNEW THIS-- YOU DID
MORE FIELD PIECES THAN ANY CORRESPONDENT IN THE HISTORY OF
THIS PROGRAM.
YOU'VE DONE THE MOST, I THINK BY A LONG SHOT.
>> THERE WERE OFTEN NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE HERE WORKING.
( LAUGHTER ) AND I HAD TO STEP UP AND FILL
IN.
>> Jon: AND YOU DID ADMIRABLY SO.
THE THING IS, TOO, YOU KNOW, THE ONE THING THAT WAS ALWAYS--
NOTHING MAKES MY JOB EASIER THAN KNOWING THERE IS SOMEONE
THERE WHO I CAN ALWAYS GO TO, AND ALWAYS COUNT ON, WHO
IS GOING TO DELIVER THE FUNNY, THE SMART, THE EVERYTHING.
YOU WERE ALWAYS THAT DUDE.
I THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'RE GOING TO GO TO YOU RIGHT
NOW.
HERE'S A CLIP, JASON JONES, WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN ON THIS PROGRAM
THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD.
>> IT'S MY WAY OR THE DIE-WAY.
I'M A PARENT, JUST LIKE YOU.
AND WHEN I'M NOT REPORTING ON WORLD EVENTS, I'M HANGING OUT
WITH MY DAUGHTER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
♪ I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST RAPPER IN ENGLISH AND FARSI
♪♪ I GOT MORE RHYMES THAN TABOULI GOT PARSLEY
>> I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH,NANA.
I LOVE YOU,NANA.
I LOVE YOU!
WE NEED A SUPER PAC.
RIGHT HERE.
>> WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING, JON?
>> Jon: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE DOING.
>>JON, JON, RELAX.
I'M PLAYING WII CRAPS.
>> Jon: OH, OH GOD. THANK YOU.
>> WHILE I MASTURBATE.
>> Jon: OH NEXT!
>> THERE'S STILL COFFEE.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> OH, ( BLEEP )!
>> GET ON THE GROUND NOW!
>> WHAT?
>> PUT IT DOWN.
>> IT'S A --
>> GET ON THE GROUND NOW.
>> IT'S A T-SHIRT CANNON.
>> I LIKE YOU A LOT.
>> THANKS, MAN.
>> GIVE ME A KISS.
>> ON THE CHEEK, ON THE CHEEK.
>> YEAH?
HOW DID THAT FEEL?
( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS NICE.
ADMIT IT, IT WAS NICE.
>> CAN YOU DO THAT ON CABLE TV?
>> OF COURSE, I CAN.
I CAN DO A LOT MORE THAN THAT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: JASON JONES! 208 00:07:37,123 --> 00:00:00,000 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BOOM! BOOM!