So what happens when you really like someone or love someone? Let's say love.
You're in a relationship with them. But the problem is, is that you both want different
things. How do you actually negotiate your relationship when you want to be together,
but you feel like you're being pulled in different directions? Let's dive into that in this video.
Hi everyone. I'm Renee Slansky. I am a professional dating and relationship coach,
and I help women from around the world build successful love lives by breaking toxic cycles
and setting themselves up for a mindset and a lifestyle that causes them to thrive in love.
Tip number one. In relationships, if you want to make them successful or at least give them a
chance to be successful, you have to communicate your expectations. Just pretending that things
are okay isn't going to get you anywhere, and all it's going to do is cause resentment and
disappointment. This is almost like getting in front of each other, laying everything on
the table and saying, "This is what I expect. What do you expect?" And I'll be like, "Well,
this is what I want. And this is what I expect. Where do we actually sit with each other?" It's
the very first thing that you have to do, because if you're able to be transparent and authentic
about what you truly desire, and I mean what you desire, not what you think they want to hear
or what you hope you can say in order to get the right answer from them. You need to be true to
yourself because otherwise it's just going to pop up later on. So communicate your expectations.
The second thing to do during this conversation rather, you need to listen, you need to ask, and
then you assess face-to-face next to each other. And you take turns to talk. There is actually a
marriage counseling exercise that you can do where one person has the cup or the wooden spoon
and whoever has the cup gets to talk. And then they hand it to the other person and
then the other person gets talk. You don't get to speak unless you have the cup in your
hand. And obviously you take turns. And this is basically designed to learn to say nothing and
to just listen and create that safe place for that other person to be able to talk so you can
really give them an opportunity to say what it is that they need to say, and then absorb it.
Often what we do in communication is we just speak to say what we want to say or we speak to
demand. We don't speak to actually listen or to ask and learn. So by taking time to listen, ask
simple, but specific questions, and then assess the information that you've both given each other
afterwards, it gives you an opportunity to really think about things logically
rather than emotionally. Now the third thing to do is find a compromise,
but don't settle for second best. And there is actually a big difference between compromising and
settling for second best. Compromise is something that is healthy and is needed in a relationship.
However, compromise should actually be something that contributes to the relationship in such a way
that it progresses, it has peace, and it is able to function at what is a normal abundant level.
There's always going to be some sort of give and take in a relationship,
especially if you feel that, for example, maybe your situation is you're in different cities
or they need to move to a different country for their work, or they've got children and you don't
have children. Life gets in the way. So there needs to be some flexibility here. However, it
shouldn't be a one-way street. It shouldn't be one person doing all the compromising and the other
person just being like, "Ooh, I get to do whatever I want." It's not going to bring happiness. It's
not going to bring balance. And it certainly isn't going to allow the relationship to move forward.
Before I jump into the fourth point, if you're someone who really struggles with knowing how to
set yourself up for what is just fundamental in a healthy relationship, download Guide To
Successful Relationships. It's a little guide that I've put together. It gives you basically,
I think there's four or five pillars in there that are fundamental to setting you up for success in
love. I'll drop the link down below so you can check it out and go and take a read of that.
Number four, negotiate. Come to some sort of conclusion. Try it out
and then reassess again. It's not always going to work the right way the first way. So what you
need to do is you need to work out where are we compromised here? Maybe we'll try your way
for three months and then we'll try my way for three months, or let's have every second weekend
together so that way you can still do what it is that you need to do with your children. Whatever
your situation is, try that out. Find something that is fair for both people and something that
both of you agree on. Give it a go and give it a decent go. Don't just give up the first go.
Relationships are hard. We know it is. They take effort. Give it a decent go.
And then reassess. See how you both feel. Where do you need to tweak things? Is it actually working?
Do you need to come up with another plan? Is there even a possibility that it's going to work at
all or do you actually need to call it quits, which unfortunately can be the sad reality.
And lastly, number five. The whole goal behind having a healthy relationship is peace and
progress. And you'll hear me say this in all my coaching and in all my videos. If you want to
identify if a relationship is healthy, there will be peace and there will be progress. Now progress
isn't always pretty. It does come with conflict. It comes with trying and then failing and getting
back up again. But you should be consistently moving forward. You shouldn't be stagnating.
You shouldn't be going around in circles and you definitely shouldn't be going backwards.
And also peace. Peace is basically the underlying sense that this is going somewhere, that this
is the right person, that this is mutual effort here. This is teamwork. It's not full of conflict,
full of drama, full of tension. If peace and progress are lacking in your relationship,
you really need to get to the core root of how you can make this work and if it even can work.
All right, gals and guys, I hope that this video has really cleared some things up for you.
Let me know if it has by dropping a thanks Renee down below. Don't forget to subscribe. Turn on
your notification buttons. And another thing that I want to say, if you're somebody who really wants
to be able to know more about how to set yourself up for love, obviously I've told you about my free
guide, but I also have a group coaching membership program for women. And this is something that
gives you access to all my coaching and other experts from around the world and amazing advice
on a platform that is safe, that is affordable and that is accessible for you wherever you are.
And it's called the Flourish Project. And what I'll do is I'll drop a link down below if you
want to check it out, because right now at the moment, I actually have a free 30-day trial. So
you can go in, check it all out, absorb as much as you need to, and there's so much in there,
and you literally pay zero. All right gals and guys, I will see you next time. Bye for now.