Welcome back to the Gentleman's Gazette!
In today's video, we discuss 10 do's and don'ts of having a great conversation and we provide
specific 53 questions that you can ask to really get to know someone.
Body language, questions, and responses may form a first impression that may be advantageous
or disadvantageous in the long run.
Your conversational skills will directly impact your job interview, your date, or maybe an
important business client meeting.
The best conversations are like a river, they flow to the left, to the right, and there's
not one path that's predefined.
Generally, it takes some practice to be able to guide a conversation that flows easily
and is comfortable to all parties involved.
Having some good questions in your portfolio help you to move the conversation along even
if your partner is maybe not a great conversationalist.
If you ask the right questions, the other person will remember you for being thoughtful
and it's very easy to just continue where you left off if you see the person again,
next time versus if you go with small talk, that's very difficult and basically impossible.
Now, you may think some people are just naturally gifted in that regard, and while that can
be true, I firmly believe anybody can learn how to have a great conversation if they just
pay attention to their own questions and if they listen to what the other person says.
Many of those questions may just seem funny but they can actually reveal when the person
is vengeful or more sentimental.
For example, if you ask someone who or where would you haunt if you were a ghost?
You can really learn and figure out what kind of person they really are.
Now, before I discuss the 53 specific questions, let's talk about 10 do's and don'ts of having
a fantastic conversation.
Rule number 1: Don't be afraid of vulnerability.
Showing that you're vulnerable actually makes you more relatable and people have more respect
for you because chances are, they have problems in their life and seeing that things don't
always go well with you and that you are willing to share it puts you on a higher level rather
if you just brag about how great your life is.
Rule number 2: Do ease into more deeper and more difficult questions.
Nobody wants to be asked as their first or second question why their relationship is
failing or what the purpose in life is for them.
It's much easier to start with a question about maybe what their hobby is, if they have
kids, because it's something they are comfortable with and they like to talk about.
Three: Do understand the context of your conversation.
If you are in an interview setting, you can ask a lot deeper, direct, and aggressive questions
than say, if you are in a party setting where people are just having fun.
If you are overly inquisitive, maybe ask deep questions that make people uncomfortable,
they may think you're rude and they will definitely not want to talk to you again in the future
and will think of you poorly.
Four: Do give other people some time to warm up.
Not everybody is a conversationalist.
Some people are shy and engaging in a long conversation upfront can be difficult.
Maybe just smile at them, say hello, and then if you see them again, then you can engage
in a conversation.
Rule number 5: Don't beat the dead horse along the way.
If your conversation partner is not pulling their weight, which means, if they don't ask
questions back, if they don't engage, if they just answer with yes or no, or are very abrupt,
just call it a day and move on, say goodbye, smile, and just don't stress it.
Now, there are situations when you can't just run away such as important business meetings,
and in that case, stay tuned for questions that can help you to move even dire conversations
along.
Rule number 6: Listen carefully to what people say.
Even if you have a great portfolio of questions ready to go, sometimes, when you just focus
on what you want to say, you forget what other people are saying.
now, a great question is only as good as the answer you're getting and if you listen, remember,
and follow up, it's very easy for you to create an interesting conversation.
it shows that you're smart and you can ask interesting, thoughtful questions which make
a person comfortable.
Rule number 7: Don't just have a cookbook or a cooking recipe of questions lined up
one after another because that makes you look like a robot.
Instead, listen and create a question based on what you just heard.
These are just basically starter questions that you can use if the conversation does
not go along well or if you just start out.
Eight: Do be prepared for unexpected answers.
After all, you don't know what people are going to tell you.
Rule number 9: Ask open-ended questions.
Having questions that simply require a yes or no can be very difficult for a conversation
especially if you are not naturally comfortable with that which then means you have to ask
a lot of questions.
On the other hand, an open-ended question lets the other person think and talk about
what they want to talk about which gives you time to listen and to prepare the next question.
Rule number 10: Never ask a question you wouldn't be comfortable to answer yourself.
If you don't have the answer to the question that you just asked them, it reflects very
poorly on you because it looks like a robot or someone who just asked a question for the
question's sake.
Next, let's move on to some starter questions.
My first question to ask is always what do you do when you don't work?
Because in the US, most people ask what you do for a living so asking what their hobbies
are or what they do outside of work can really be a great starter for them to reveal what
they're really passionate about.
two, did you choose your profession of did your profession choose you?
Rather than ask what they do for work, this kind of question helps you to dig deeper and
understand why they ended up where they are.
Three, what would you do if you won the lottery?
Many people say that a true character of a person is revealed once they have come to
money and that question will help you to get a better understanding about the person.
Four, what's your favorite way to relax?
Five, what's your favorite book?
Six, what makes you laugh the most?
SHows you really what kind of humor that person has and overall, it creates a positive environment.
Seven, what is your favorite holiday?
it shows you what kind of mood people like, what kind of season, and overall, it makes
them think of something they enjoy which is always good for the flow of the conversation.
Eight, what was the last movie you saw?
Again, it will show you whether they are into fantasy, sci-fi, maybe sports, or maybe just
good old drama and crime stories.
Nine, in the same way, you can ask, what is your favorite tv show?
Ten, what would be one thing you are glad you did but you would never want to do again?
That is a question that makes people think a little bit and you learn about maybe cool
and unusual things they did in the past.
Eleven, when people come to you for help, what do they usually ask about?
That shows you what that person is really good at based on their friends and it makes
them feel valued and important and I'm sure they want to talk about it.
Maybe it's even something that you can use help with.
Twelve, who's your go-to band or artist when you can't decide what you want to listen to?
That way, you get a good understanding of whether they listen to classic music or maybe
to radiohead.
Thirteen, what's something you like to do the old-fashioned way?
Fourteen, what's something you recently formed an opinion about?
That will show you if the person is open to change their mind based on logical arguments
or if they are just stuck in their beliefs.
Fifteen, what are you interested in that most people have never heard of?
That can be a hobby or something that they deeply care about.
I'm certain they will love to talk about it.
Sixteen, what do you think is something that everybody should experience at least once
in your life?
It may be an exotic hobby, a trip, a destination, or something that is really fantastic to experience
but you never dreamed or heard about.
Seventeen, what is something that people are obsessed with that you simply don't get the
point of?
This will show you their personality in a way and helps you understand what they truly
care about and what they dislike.
Eighteen, where is the most interesting place you have been?
Nineteen, what's the luckiest thing that ever happened to you?
That can show you if people can acknowledge that they were lucky in life at some point
in time or if they just believe that everything that they have is based on their hard work.
Twenty, what is your biggest pet peeve with modern technology?
Twenty-one, what object have you been searching for without any luck?
Twenty-two, what social customs do you feel should just disappear?
This could be an interesting one simply because it shows you how this person feels and operates.
Twenty-three, what quirky things do people do where you're from?
It shows you a little bit about how they grew up, where they come from, and maybe brings
up childhood memories in them.
Twenty-four, who or where would you haunt if you were a ghost?
Now, once you're past starter questions, you want to dig a little deeper and really understand
what the other person is all about.
So, once you've gone through these introduction questions that are fun, you move on to some
more in-depth questions.
Twenty-five, what gets you out of bed every day?
This is a great question because this shows you the deeper motivations people have and
also, the kind of humor that they have because they just may answer the alarm clock.
Twenty-six, what do you value in a friendship?
The answer to this question will reveal what kind of person they like to hang out with
and what people they just socialize with because they have to.
Twenty-seven, what do you say more often in life?
Yes or no?
This will show you if they have this glass is half full or half empty attitude which
may or may not align with what you're all about.
It also describes if they are a people pleaser or more of a rebel.
Twenty-nine, what would you tell your teenage self if you could travel back in time?
That's a really great question because it shows what kind of a person they were as a
teenager in puberty and at the same time it also shows you how to have evolved over time.
Thirty, if you know they have children, you can ask them what's the hardest part about
raising your children?
Skip that one if you know they don't have children otherwise, this will probably make
them bubble along and show you what's going on in their life now.
Thirty-one, in the same vein, what do you think is wrong about modern parenting?
If they have children, I guarantee you every parent will have an opinion about that one.
Thirty-two, what gets you fired up?
Be prepared for an explosive answer.
Some people may ramble on about politics, or just their neighbors, or something that
they are really pissed about but again, it's a good jumping off point for maybe something
else or maybe even have a solution for them but be careful in preaching and telling people
what to do rather than listen to them and maybe bring up an example of what you did
in a similar situation.
It's much less aggressive, and you are much more likely to get the other person to listen
to you.
Thirty-three, what mistakes do you make over and over again?
In general, a question about failures or things that people are not so good at will truly
reveal what kind of person they are and show you what character he has and how they approach
things.
Do they try it over and over again because they want to improve themselves or do they
just make the same mistakes every single time?
Thirty-four, what have you created that you are most proud of?
Most people are more than happy to talk about their accomplishments so be prepared for a
long answer.
Thirty-five, what's the best thing you got from your parents?
It's a very introspective question and it shows you if maybe it was a thing or maybe
a character trait and it shows you what they value more in general.
Thirty-six, what's one responsibility you really wish you didn't have?
This shows you what they're unhappy about and what they consider to be burdensome.
Also at the same time, they will probably come up with a solution or a suggestion on
how they would handle it better which not only makes them feel good but also it gives
you a good insight on how they operate.
Thirty-seven, what's the best and worst thing about getting older?
Some people have no problems getting old, other people dread it and it just shows you
how they approach life if they are scared, if they are happy, if they are optimistic
or pessimistic, and it's a fantastic question to ask.
Thirty-eight, what chance encounter changed your life forever?
For me, it was meeting my wife at a Halloween party, drunk.
But for you, it may be something completely different and the same for you conversation
partner.
Usually, you will get awesome answers.
Thirty-nine, what do you regret not doing?
Maybe it's something that you want to do and thy can't do because they are too old now
but it's just asking people for their wisdom and it's always a good thing.
Forty, do you believe in second chances?
This will really show you what kind of attitude those people have towards social matters and
how you should treat people.
Forty-one, do you want to retire to live or live to retire?
In the US sometimes people tend to work a lot and they push all of their goals to retirement
whereas in Europe oftentimes, people just like to live.
And it just shows you what kind of mindset people have.
Forty-two, what are some things you wish you can unlearn?
Everyone has bad habits and a little bit of commiseration can help you to connect better
with the other person.
Forty-three, what do you wish your brain was better at doing?
That little trick to switching from your brain instead of you makes it less personal and
you cans till talk about the subject without people feeling attacked or aggressively interrogated.
Forty-four, what or who couldn't you live without?
Forty-five, when do you feel the most confident?
That's a quite revealing question because it can be something that people wear and it
just shows you how they tick.
Forty-six, if a crystal ball could tell you anything about the future, what would it be?
This is something that you can ask in conjunction with question
Forty-seven, which is what scares you about the future?
Forty-eight, if you could change one personal decision in the past, what would it be?
Makes guaranteed for a fantastic answer.
Forty-nine, what goal are you working on now?
Great question to maybe come to another conversation because it shows you the outlook of what they
want to do or maybe you can ask about what they are going to do tomorrow because then,
it just finishes it off without being impolite.
Fifty, when was the last time you cried?
This answer will really tell you what they were truly sad about or what really touched
them or maybe it shows them that they're not ready yet to open up.
Fifty-one, do you believe that people are at the whim of destiny or that they can create
the future themselves?
Fifty-two, who is someone that you miss having in your life?
That could be either a fictional person or someone who died.
In any case, it will probably make for an interesting answer.
Last but not the least, you could ask people What is the question you always wanted to
ask other people but never feel like you can because you're too afraid?
Social norms and taboos are everywhere but asking this question will create a counter
question for you and will allow you to have a conversation about more deeper topics or
taboos that they otherwise would feel afraid to talk to you about.
Chances are, you'll be answering that question as well so make sure you have something good.
As you can see, getting to know someone takes effort and out of this large question pool,
you're probably not going to be able to remember all 53 of them so my suggestion is take three
that you like and that you can remember and those will help you to start a conversation,
to keep it flowing and then take it from there.
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See you next time.
Bye bye!