-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show"!
You're here! [ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you for watching.
Well, guys, let's get to some news.
Today, Chinese President Xi Jinping met virtually
with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
They didn't talk even.
They just spent an hour exchanging maniacal laughter.
[ Laughing evilly ]
It's not great news for Biden. I mean, for Marvel fans,
it's like if Spider-Man found out that Doc Ock
was Zooming with the Green Goblin.
I mean, something is happening. [ Laughter ]
But they had a lot to discuss, like trade, nuclear arms,
and why Carrie didn't call 9-1-1.
[ Laughter ]
At one point, Xi called Putin his old friend,
and Putin called Xi his dear friend.
Then they ended the call like, "You hack us first,"
"No, you hack us first!" "Oh, no, you hack us first!"
[ Laughter ]
Some big news in Washington. The House voted to hold
former Trump chief of staff Mark Meadows
in criminal contempt of Congress for refusing to cooperate
with the January 6th panel.
The consequences are severe. Meadows could be sentenced
to a year in prison, or, even worse,
another month working for Trump. [ Laughter ]
Of course, Meadows needs a good lawyer,
so the first thing he did was pull up
Rudy Giuliani's number and delete it.
[ Laughter ]
Some more news. The White House just announced
that, due to COVID concerns,
instead of the traditional holiday parties,
he's inviting guests to come see the decorations
on a 30-minute self-guided tour.
[ Light laughter ]
Which is just a fancy way of Biden saying,
"Come if you want, but I ain't gonna be there."
[ Laughter ]
"I ain't getting COVID." [ Light laughter ]
So guests can now go on a 30-minute self-guided tour
of an old mansion.
There's actually a name for that --
it's called a haunted house. [ Laughter ]
That's right. A self-guided tour
of a historic Washington building.
That's basically how Fox News described January 6th.
[ Laughter ]
Listen to this -- I heard that pharmacists across the country
are feeling burned out due to increased demand
for COVID shots and being short-staffed.
Yeah, I'm sure it's that and not just hearing
The Chipmunks Christmas on loop for two months.
It's like, "I'm losing it, Gary. I'm losing it.
Get him a hula hoop! Get them a hula hoop!"
[ Laughter ]
You know your pharmacist is stressed out
when they disinfect your arm
with the Bacardi from their flask.
"Shot for you, shot for me, right?"
[ Laughter ]
It's gotten so bad now, when you order Xanax,
the pharmacist says, "We just ran out."
[ Laughter ]
Get this. In Canada, a 5-year-old is safe
after he was caught driving his parents' car
to go buy a Christmas present for his sister.
[ Audience "Awws" ]
The cop asked him to recite the alphabet backwards,
and he was like, "I haven't even learned it forwards."
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, he's in a lot of trouble,
so, really, his sister got the greatest gift of all.
[ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, the kid showed each officer a packet
of Dunkaroos and said,
"How about we, uh, say this never happened?"
[ Laughter ]
And, finally, this is something you don't hear every day.
Authorities in Ohio are investigating
after someone stole a 58-foot bridge.
[ Light laughter ]
Police say they're on the lookout for a thief
who's described as having dark hair,
blue eyes, and is the Hulk.
Guys, we have exactly three shows left
before we go on Christmas break,
which means it's time for that beloved
"Tonight Show" tradition.
It's time for "12 Days of Christmas Sweaters."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ "12 Days of Christmas Sweaters" ♪
♪ Three days left ♪
-That is right.
Every show between now and Christmas,
we'll be giving one lucky audience member
an extraordinary Christmas sweater
from our Countdown to Christmas Cabinet.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yes!
Now, since there are three shows left,
let's open door number 3.
Where's 3? Oh, here.
When -- Whenever you're ready. Go for it.
Whoa! [ Cheers and applause ]
Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Let's see it.
Oh. Wow.
Oh, that is -- That is... That is something.
Can we dim the lights a little bit?
Maybe that's -- Look at this thing. Ooh, yeah.
That's like...
Show the back to them?
[ Cheers and applause ]
That is space age.
That is space age. Wow. Fantastic.
Now, let's see who's going home with tonight's sweater.
Everyone, look at your seat number.
If I call your number, come on down.
Quest, can I get a drum roll, please?
[ Drum roll ]
242!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hi!
Welcome! Hi! Welcome!
Come on over!
Aw, look at you.
Hello. What is your name?
-Karina. -Karina, where are you from?
-Jersey. -Yeah! Jersey!
All right, good. Karina from Jersey.
You already look like you're in the holiday spirit.
I love the -- But I think that this will just kind of go
with everything. -I love it.
-Yeah. -I love it.
-No one -- You won't stand out in Jersey if you wear this.
-I know. I'm gonna go to dinner in this.
-You should. Would you like to try it on?
-Can I? -Yes, please.
I think we'd love to see it. This is gonna be amazing.
I think it's gorgeous.
There...
♪♪
Yeah. It's easy to get on.
[ Laughter ]
Look at this. Are you kidding me?
[ Cheers and applause ] Are you joking me?
Yo. Karina, look at you. You're...
That looks like a super model on our show.
It's unbelievable. Gorgeous.
Thank you so much for being here! I appreciate it.
Another round of applause for our winner.
You can leave if you want.
You can stay. Whatever you feel like doing.
[ Cheers and applause ] Round of applause
for our winner right there.
Stick around!
We got more "Tonight Show" after the break.
Come on back, everybody.
♪♪