- They say like, if that was my kid,
I would never let them have an adoption.
- Those people that say that, they're wrong,
because they would give their children up for adoption
if they thought they would have a better life.
- My name's Joanna,
I am a proud birth parent.
This is something that I'm very passionate about
and getting to share my story
and listen to other people's stories.
It's a very powerful thing.
- So, I'm Scott Cargill.
I am an adoptive parent.
I am also a birth father of a boy
that was adopted when I was about 17, 18 years old.
- I was pregnant when I was 15
and choosing to put up your child for adoption.
It's traumatic and it's something I deal with every day.
- So, I'm Jacky.
I was adopted at 20 hours old.
It's with relationships and even my adopted family,
they don't really like bringing it up.
- My name's Andrea.
I was adopted as an infant.
I just think there's not enough people talking about it.
And people's stories are some
of the best advice that you can give.
(somber music)
- Hi, I'm Scott.
I am an actor and I'm 57.
- Hi, I'm Sierra.
I'm 22 years old and I'm a stay-at-home mom and a YouTuber.
- I'm Joanna.
I'm 34.
I am a work from home mom and I am also a birth parent.
- Hi, I'm Jacky, I'm 23 years old.
I work with LAUSD and I was adopted at 20 hours old.
- Hi, I'm Andrea.
I'm a fashion designer here in LA
and I was adopted, from Korea, at six months.
- [Jubilee Cast Member] Can I get
my birth parents to the left?
And my adoptees to the right?
My life is better because of adoption.
- Culture was a lot different back then in Korea.
If I stayed in Korea,
I wouldn't have had any opportunities like I do here.
My life would definitely be better,
or is better off, because of it.
- For me, I would say if, yeah, my life is a lot better.
My biological mom, she had, you know,
seven other children to look after
and the reason she had to do what she had to do is
you know, times were hard.
So, I was able to be blessed
with all the opportunities I got, you know.
- When I was a birth parent
and I put my son up for adoption,
I couldn't have given him the life
that his parents gave him.
And I think he was better taken care of than I could do.
And then, when I adopted it, changed my life because
you know, we have a beautiful daughter.
It really helped bring it full circle
and I was able to repay something that someone
else helped my son with, so.
- The answer is yes and no.
At the time I was 15.
I was with a guy who took advantage of me.
All I knew is, I wasn't making any money yet.
At the time, I thought it was the best decision, but
sometimes,
sometimes, I wish he was with me.
You know, was that the worst mistake I ever made?
You know, you just, you don't know.
So, I think only, only time will tell.
- [Joanna] I, you know, completely identify with that.
At the time, it was kind of my only choice I would say.
- Yeah,
- [Joanna] I wasn't ready to be a parent.
Now, my child is, turns 18 actually next week
and has had so many issues with the adoptive parents.
Not accepting him because he's transgender.
- Oh.
- Knowing that I could have been the parent that he needed.
- Yeah.
- Adoption hasn't made my life better.
It's given me a little turmoil.
- [Jubilee Cast Member] Birth parents
should try to stay in touch.
- I feel like it is important for said child
to understand where it is that they come from
and not feel that, you know, they were just abandoned.
- I was a little torn because I do think that
birth parents should do their best to be in touch.
You know, if the child is ready, you know,
but a lot of times there's trauma
that people don't really think when it comes
to birth parents and what they're dealing with.
You need to make sure that you are
in the right head space before you reach out.
(crosstalk)
You need to be the best person that you can be
if you're going to be involved in their life.
- Beyond that, just being in touch
so that, if you develop a physical ailment
can be passed on to genetically.
You want your kids to know those things.
But, I think that the evidence is pretty clear
that having an opener adoption
is better than closed adoption.
- Yes.
- I think, for me it was better growing up having closed
'cause I really,
it made me really adapt into my surroundings
and not always like, if I was a teenager,
had an open adoption, I would've, you know,
gotten mad at my parents and now I've come full circle
and, I think it helped me more being closed.
- [Jubilee Cast Member] I have a hard time
connecting with my blood family or child.
- I have a hard time connecting with one.
- No
Actually.
Yeah.
- I guess you could say I was blessed
with the family I had because they were,
I guess, a little bit wealthier
with money and my siblings weren't as, you know.
So, sometimes it is hard to relate to them of,
you know, how different our childhoods were.
- [Sierra] Well with me, the reason why I was so,
like, it was so hard for me to decide.
It's not that it's hard connecting with my child.
It's that, I can't.
I cannot physically handle that connection
and not having him with me.
- Yeah.
And I have a very hard time connecting with my
my blood son, my birth son,
because we're so different.
And, a lot of painful things have happened between us.
We really don't have much
of a relationship anymore because of that.
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah. It's, nothing to be down about it.
- When I think about my blood family,
I mean, we're all so different,
but my blood child,
my teenager like, we're on the same wavelength.
You know, ever since I got to be able
to start seeing him when he was about six years old,
he came up to me, poked me in the belly
and said, "God put me in your tummy
because my mommy couldn't have me in hers."
And I just cried and he just gave me the biggest hug.
And that, ever since then, we just had this connection
and we can talk about anything
and that's the best thing I could ask for.
You don't always get that.
- Oh man, I just don't have a birth parent to connect to.
You know, I've tried searching for her,
but she didn't want to be found on the birth papers
and there was no record of my birth father.
So, I didn't wanna ruin her life.
If she's trying to make a new life for herself.
It's even more taboo in Korea.
When I was 17, through my adoption agency,
I went to Korea and got to see my birth hometown,
the hospital I was born in.
So I got closure that way.
- [Sierra] Oh, that's nice.
- And talking to other adoptees. Yeah.
I don't need to keep worrying about the past.
It's like, I'm just focusing really on the parents I do have
and the connections I make out of it.
And that's what helps me heal.
- [Jubilee Cast Member] I have felt guilt
and shame surrounding adoption.
- Oh wow.
- Everybody.
- All of us on.
- We all agree on this.
- When I found out I was pregnant,
my family have told me if I have an abortion,
I will go to hell.
If I have the adoption, they will cut me out of the family.
When I went into labor, they would come into,
you know, the room while I was in labor
and they say like, "I can't believe you're doing this.
"If that was my kid,
"I would never let them have an adoption."
- I can tell you something else.
Those people that say that, they're wrong because
they would give their children up for adoption.
If they thought they would have a better life.
- Yes.
- Bottom line.
- And about 95% of those people.
They're not mothers, they're not parents, or anything.
- Right.
- So being a mother now, it's just,
I understand you know, where my birth mom came from.
She wanted what's best for me period.
Point blank.
And I don't resent her for that at all.
And I never will.
- They say, well, you were, you know,
you might have been given up
but you were adopted and you should have this full life.
Like there's no problems.
You're with parents.
- You should be blessed.
You were chosen not just given up
but I didn't realize until recently that,
how the shame and guilt formed of like, why am I depressed?
Well, why do I still have turmoil?
Like I should be thankful
for everything but being transracial,
it's like I grew up in Minnesota.
So, it's very like homogenous, like very white culture.
I wasn't alone.
But subconsciously alone in my own being.
You don't have that foundation
of where you come from and your bloodline in history.
I had no one to talk to.
So, it was constantly me fighting with myself.
With the guilt and shame that came up
in every situation that,
where I felt emotionally insecure.
Yeah.
- [Jubilee Cast Member] Adoptive
and birth parents should be seen as equal.
- I'm only coming
because I don't think I can agree or disagree.
(all laughing)
So, I'm gonna listen to what everybody else has to say.
- You know, birth parent or adoptive parent,
it takes really a strong will from someone to
one, give your child up for adoption
but also open your home to a child that isn't yours
but you're willing to give them the home that they deserve.
- Well, but also, you know,
don't get the idea that, you know,
when an adoptive parents adopt a kid
they're doing it out of the goodness of their heart.
We need you-
- Yeah.
- We needed you to make our family.
- Yeah.
- And that's, it's not like, you know,
we're some sort of superheroes,
you guys are our superheroes.
- Sorry.
- Yeah, no, it's true.
- We need you.
- Yeah.
- And, and our lives wouldn't be complete without you.
- Yeah.
- And I think the child at the end of the day,
that's, when they talk about the triad,
it's child on top.
It's all about what's best for them.
So, even if you aren't there to parent them,
they're always in your mind
and you're always worried about them.
How are they doing?
What's their home life like?
You know, what-
- How are they feeling?
- Are they gonna lose a tooth soon?
You know, like these little things that you think about.
- You may not know your birth mom
but the fact you're able to sympathize with her.
'Cause I'm always afraid that my son's gonna grow up
and hate me, you know?
And he might, I don't know.
- Unlikely
- I went through a time of hating, you know.
'Cause I, it's that inner turmoil.
It's like, you're depressed
before you can even internalize feelings.
'Cause it's that subconscious trauma.
And my parents, they have the video
of me coming off the plane and like to see them so excited.
And, I don't know how I got graced with these parents
but I feel like they were supposed to be
and I can talk to them openly.
- [Sierra] You know what, I've been praying
and asking God to show me a sign
with the adopted journey.
And honestly, I feel like you guys,
you taught me a lot today and I'm really thankful for that.
- Likewise, yeah.
- Likewise.
- Yeah.
- Give you a hug.
- This really, just like, everyone.
- This is like therapeutic.