(upbeat dance music)
- Antoni, who are we doing this week?
- Well, the dossier says we're working with
Coach Steve Steve.
He's 47 and his goal is to get his job back.
- Ooh girl, I love me some Coach, honey.
Craig T. Nelson is an icon, accept it.
- And he was nominated by a child?
Aww.
- So, my best friend lives in a shipping container
and he fucked my mom.
He recently got fired from my school,
and he always looks like total dog shit.
- Jesus.
- So, I don't know, can you guys, like, gay rescue him?
- I am a loving the child's confident vest moment.
- [Karamo] Mm hmm.
- We're here. - Steve, it's us.
- [Bobby] Where is he?
- I'm here, - Woo hoo!
- I'm right over here.
This is incredible.
- So obviously, you know why we're here.
- No idea, but you're five people
who came to the diaper barge and jumped on me.
This is the best day of my life, baby.
- Okay, so this place is a little bit dirty
but barges are Paris, honey.
They're the sun.
They are Audrey Hepburn,
(diaper thwacks) ow.
- Diaper fight! - No!
- Are you kidding me? - Yay.
- No, uh, this is how people get sick, I'm out.
- So is there like a fridge?
- Oh no, no, no.
You can't have food here on account of the birds.
The birds run the barge.
And you know what they say?
The birds run the barge.
- So you're serving me some
Clark Gable meets Super Mario vibe.
- I do like the Jon Bon turtles.
- What is your current grooming situation, sweetie?
- I call it the brush.
- Okay.
- 'Cause it's one brush I use for all my parts,
my head, my teeth, my pena,
- Your pena? - and my asshole.
- Jesus in my vagina, that poor brush.
- So Steve, I want to know all about Bridgeton Middle.
- Oh, I love that school.
The walls go up until they hit the top wall
and then they go sideways.
- Hearing Steve talk,
there's a real childlike innocence to him.
- The walls, the walls go down and then that's a room.
- He's dumb.
He's a dumb man.
- The dumb ones pound the hardest, honey.
(upbeat music)
(birds squawking)
- Okay, Steve, so since you live on the water,
I thought we'd do a fresh, simple seafood dish.
Ceviche is where you (birds squawking)
oh, oh, - Oh.
- [Antoni] Help me, help, help!
- Oof ma goof.
- So, Steve, as a dumb man,
how would you describe your style?
- Oh, I don't have the stye anymore.
- No, no, style.
- I guess, like a little skin volcano on my eye.
- Hey Tam, would it be gay
if I told you I'm living for this shirt,
but I'd be dying if it came in a floral print.
- Oh my gosh, so gay, and so lovely.
- Fashion wolf!
Okay, or whatever. (laughing)
(birds squawking)
- Pshoo!
(bird screeching)
Ahh!
- I do not even think y'all are ready
to see the new and improved Coach Steve.
(men gasping)
- Oh, you did such a good job.
- Oh, my gosh, Jonathan, he looks beautiful.
- Ah, Coach Steve, what do you think of your new look?
- What? What look?
- Right there, in the mirror.
- You mean the window?
What, the handsome man who does everything I do?
Look, he's still do, he's still doing it.
Ba ba ba ba ba baow.
Okay, no, he's different.
(upbeat music)
- Okay, so Steve, you've got this new look
and you're feeling more confident,
now I wanna talk about asserting yourself.
- Okay, do whatever you want to me.
- See, that's what I mean.
I notice you say yes to almost
everything. - Yes.
- Like that, right there.
You just said yes.
- Okay.
- Look at my lips. - All right.
- No. - Right.
- Oh my god.
Okay, I brought you out here
to teach you the value of saying no.
- Yes!
- Steve, tell me, if all of your friends
were jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you jump off?
- Okay. - Oh my gosh!
- Any friends down here? - Steve!
- To the diaper barge!
Squawk, squawk!
- So guys, while you were cutting Steve's hair,
telling him how he feels, and buying him a shirt,
I renovated his entire fucking home.
- Wow!
I don't notice a difference.
- Well, over here, I framed one of your favorite diapers,
just as a nod to the history of the barge.
- Okay, so for Steve, we need to keep things super simple.
We've tried a French tuck,
and he managed to stuff his entire shirt into his urethra.
- Yeah, I stuffed my pena up pretty good.
- Steve, you look amazing! - Wow, you look so good!
- We love you.
- Oh, you guys, thank you so much.
This is the best driver's ed course I've ever taken.
- Okay, but lastly, Steve,
we wanted to give you something to remember us by.
- She's a gorgeous, golden whistle, honey.
- This way we'll always be with you, Steve.
- Ah, I love you guys, you're my parents.
- Aw, come here, we love you too, booby.
- Now, go get your job back, you simple block of cheese.
(pleasant music)
- Good night nurse, sweetie, is that bird seed?
- Caw!
- You know what?
We've given Coach Steve all the tools,
now let's watch him stand up for himself
and get his job back.
- Oh shit, look at her.
She is a beach wedding.
She is a linen curtain.
She is Tom Selleck raised in a crawlspace, honey.
- You know, I gotta be honest,
working with Steve has definitely changed us.
- I've met someone, his name is Piper.
We finish each other's-
(Piper squawks)
- Oh my god, they're gorgeous together.
- Very handsome, inter-species couple realness.
- I love you so much, my best friends.
- Oh, I love you too.
- My god, gonna miss you girl.
- Come outta the whistle now, come out and be with me.
Be with me now outside of the whistle outside now, please.