Antoine Allen, Filmmaker: If I want a job interview I can't dress like
I want to dress. I’ve got to get a suit. The same thing in your mind.
If you want a better, you can't use old keys to open new doors.
Film Courage: Antoine at one point in your life you were homeless?
Antoine: Yes, I was.
Film Courage: Okay and at another point in your life you were making six figures plus a year?
Antoine: Yes I was.
Film Courage: Okay, maybe you can take us through both times in your life and how they intersected?
Antoine: That was a great couple of first questions. I like it…okay…homeless. I came from
humble beginnings, raised in south side Jamaica, Queens and had the best mom and best dad when
you're younger you get mad at them but when you get old you realize that they're trying their best
and were broken. They're going through their own internal demons. Around 20 I basically left the
house because at the time my mom (she's not here anymore) she chose her boyfriend over her kids.
I left the house. I was homeless for like a year and a half and I started a job working in New York
and that was a moment that I realized that you’ve got to do better. You can't let your past
determine your future and you got to turn your pain into purpose. so I want you all that trials
and tribulations working myself work on my trauma to help myself get myself better and now today
i'm just amazing man I was working in New York in the hotel industry making six figures a year
but everybody live in New York know that six figures a year is nothing
and I wasn't happy and some of my friends like you make six figures you have a good job what are you
doing money don't bring happiness internally I had a battle that I could do more in life
so I use my job I basically used my job as my passion to fund my dreams so I didn't want to
do the whole freelance working in the film industry I didn't want to do that because
I feel like I had a job so I tell everybody you need a job and a dream I let my job be
my investor to help me find my company answer while in films and the best this is ever made
okay do you mind if we go back to when you were 20 for a little while okay and forgive
me if I get too personal and no you don't have to transfer okay okay and I we appreciate that and
I know that's asking a lot to go okay well for me yeah okay so when you were when you were 20
and you decided to leave and you saw okay this is this is what my life is and and I need to do what
I need to do for myself did you have an idea about making films at that time or you were just looking
at survival if someone told me i'd be doing what i'm doing now i'll laugh in the face because when
you come from the inner city especially where I came from Jamaica, Queens you know survival mode
so today I was trying to get a job not go to jail not getting murdered it's like around that
time my friends went to jail got murdered or just went somewhere else that I want to go so I was a
survival mode I didn't start getting into the film business probably around 28 29 seriously because
from there I was in the music business I was managing artists directing music videos but when
you deal with hip-hop artists especially in the inner city a lot of them was going to jail getting
caught up so if you're a manager if they stop your career stopped so from there I said no i'm not
reaching my full potential so I just started doing music videos when music videos was the same thing
I had a big imagination but at the time working with the artist they didn't have the budget
so I was let me do a short film I did my first short film called split decision
it was a female boxing film I funded myself working my regular nine-to-five job
and it's let me invest in myself because coming from the film business when the big record labels
say no that the rappers and the producers were selling out the trunk on the on a treat because
we didn't wait for big major labels we validated ourselves that's why I got it the whole validates
yourself from the music industry because that's where you came from and once I did my short film
I was like wow I did this and they won so many awards and I was happy and I said
this is what I want to do tell my stories use my imaginations I don't need a degree
I don't need a lot of money I just need to execute and that's yeah that's what happened
so you were working in the hotel industry like hospitality yeah I was doing that and I was on
security okay and do you remember when you gave your two weeks notice because you were going
from that to the music industry yes no i'm still working so do my whole career I always had a job
because I ain't going to do freelance so I work security and retail I did private investigation
if you think your husband or wife is cheating I did that and I almost became a cop but I didn't
do it but the whole time I had a job because I hate relying on another person to give me money
and do the whole fee like the freelancings I didn't like it so I i worked my nine to five job
doing my nine to five job after my work I did my 24 hours in a day a lot of times people say we
don't have time you have time you've got to make time prior towards your time so when you were
dealing with hip-hop artists were you able to see some of the the life situations that were
maybe pulling them down yeah that you remembered and how were you able to maybe either you didn't
try to help them you stayed out of the way because it was a business relationship or it crossed over
because it was the whole package yeah I try to help because I was doing my own trauma myself
I was trying to help but you know it's just like you have friends and family only so much you could
do they got to help themselves so I was working on myself getting better but they were still stuck
and I could have helped them because like I said I wasn't rich I had millionaire a
lot of times in the in the city we don't do financial racism whole bunch of stuff
so I couldn't help and a lot of the guys that I was working with you know some of them went
to jail and some of them I had them all did you see a lot of very talented people very talented
burn out and not be able to I tell people at times coming from a drug area and you see a
lot of drug dealers it's tons of bill gates and tons of Steve Jobs but they have the opportunity
so if you could hustle a neighborhood and make all this money you can run a company
it's the same thing it's just different product but they didn't have the opportunities
so that's why for me I decided that I don't want to go down the route I want to go another route
and I chose let me just stay this path let me get this nine to five jobs and we do all the in
our job and eventually we'll work out what's it like to lose everything it's just humbling and
at first you get sad you get depressed but then the old you get you realize that
you don't know what you had because you never had that in the beginning
so that's what that's so it was I didn't feel like I had anything I was just surviving
and what changed I had to reprogram myself when you coming from that environment
you don't know if you're poor because everybody's around you poor so you think it's normal
but once I realized I wanted more out of life that's when the light bug so my security job I was
working with I usually work in the neighborhood but then I start getting contracts in manhattan
and manhattan is a melting pot you see different things that's why I tell everybody take your kids
they can explore the world because when I was growing up all I knew was up the block
you know at the block I didn't go out the block there was so much damage going up the block but
once I started working in my hand my eyes are opening I start meeting different people seeing
that people into the tax brackets I was like wow this is a better life out there and like anything
a lot of times we don't upgrade our mind we all grab our clothes we all grab a phone but we don't
upgrade our mentor so when I start reprogramming myself and one more on my life that's when things
start changing and I start healing my pain and my trauma because when you heal you see different
you spell diff you react different and that's where the start is I wanted more out of life
so do you think the the old Antoine could have been making these films
and and producing them and bringing a team together no he he's probably in jail right now
why because when you have no foundation so a lot a lot of times you see those kids in the news and do
bad things get locked up we're so quick to judge people but we don't know their story a lot of kids
there's no other way I mean now different now you have no excuses too many options right now
but back then in the early 2000s especially early 90s I grew up in 80 i'm born in 81 i'm 40 now
but it's no options so sometimes we quickly judge people with a situation a lot of times
it's the home environment so if the foundation is broke you don't know what so when I see kids
now they got both parents got everything and they still I think that's something's wrong
that's that's that's a whole different situation right there but but yeah just you know that person
would never so sometimes you got to kill the old you that had to be the person you want
to be how do you reprogram your mind it's hard but you got to do it so I think the first time
where was is I had a few of my friends pass and go to jail and I was asking myself like
what how can I get out of this like what could I do to make things better and I kept it simple
if I want a job interview I can't dress like I wanna dress I gotta get a suit so the same thing
in your mind if you want better you can't use old keys to open new doors you gotta start thinking
different you guys are loving yourself more a lot of times we settle for less we do ninety percent
we give to everybody else and we get the crumbs so I had to reverse that love myself more do more
for myself and I do less for everybody else a lot of times we help help everybody else and we left
with nothing so I tell people how to balance if you're an actor if you want to spend 90 percent
in the casting room you're basically giving it an individual control over your whole life
split it up could start writing your own films start producing your own films and like give your
life a balance like a lot of times we give good gifts and we don't give nothing to ourselves and
so with the reprogramming do you ever feel sometimes the old mindset creeping back in
no I killed that person no I don't want to go back because that old mindset was I was broken
and I had no one to talk to and I didn't have a great family because it was broken the blinding
the blind so no that person never come back I use that old person as motivation to go forward.
Question For The Viewers: Which part did you relate to the most?