G’day, my name's Matt Fradd. This is Ascension Presents.
Today I want to talk about Thomas Aquinas’ four ways to overcome lust.
Sometimes we get tired of hearing the same old advice.
And I don't think it's because the advice doesn't work.
I think it's because we’re looking for a miracle cure.
We do this when it comes to exercise and weight loss, don't we?
If you're like, “I really want to lose weight”
and somebody says, “Oh, okay, then eat healthy and exercise.”
You’re like, “No... Isn't there a pill or something?
Isn't there an ab thing I can strap around my abdomen and click on,
and eat potato chips and watch television while I get an awesome six-pack?”
Probably not.
This advice might sound cliche’ because it works.
It reminds me of what Chesterton said.
He said it's not like Christianity has been tried and found wanting.
It's that it's been left untried because it's been too difficult.
So here are the four things Aquinas says:
First thing he says is [that] we need to flee the external things that can lead us to sin.
So that might be bad company.
If you're with people who are always speaking in a dirty, filthy way, avoid those people.
It might be watching particular shows on Netflix or Amazon that contains softcore porn scenes.
And maybe for some people they're able to overlook that.
Maybe for you, you're totally not.
Maybe even just a basic make-out scene leads you down the track
to looking at porn or masturbating or acting out sexually.
We need self-knowledge.
So what are those external things in your life that lead you to sin?
Thomas Aquinas says we have to flee these things.
We can think of these things in modern lingo as “triggers.”
A trigger is something that gets you down the path to that particular form of acting out,
be that fornication or masturbation or pornography or what-have-you.
What are those external triggers in your life?
So, I mean, there are the obvious ones,
like, you walk past Victoria's Secret in the mall.
I don't know what the secret is. It all seems pretty bloody obvious to me.
But you know, that might be an obvious trigger.
But then there can be less obvious triggers,
and they might even be — and this might sound bizarre — but even inanimate objects
that we associate with the times we've spent consuming pornography or something.
For you, maybe you've looked at so much porn
that even sitting in front of your computer when there's nobody home is a trigger for you.
So being really honest about what those external triggers are and avoiding them.
The second thing Aquinas says we have to do in order to avoid lust
is to avoid those internal reactions and thoughts that lead us to sin.
So, he says, don't give an opening to lustful thoughts.
Now I don't want to make you neurotic here.
Obviously you and I have a billion crazy thoughts throughout the day
and many of them — most of them perhaps — we're not choosing to have, they just come to us.
Maybe you have a memory from something you did when you were a kid or a teenager (sexually).
Maybe it's some memory that came back from a pornographic scene that you saw.
I'm not saying that these things are sins.
If there's no WILL involved, there isn't any sin.
I think the sin comes when we say to ourselves, essentially,
“I'm gonna sit down and think about that for the next five minutes.” Okay?
That's something we're deliberately choosing,
and that's what Aquinas says we have to absolutely avoid.
Similar to the first point — avoiding external triggers that can lead us to lust —
we have to avoid those internal emotional states
in which we’re a lot more susceptible to the external triggers, okay?
So what are those emotional states that you find yourself in,
in which you're a lot more likely to act out sexually?
So maybe it's feeling invisible.
Like, maybe you're a young woman who struggles with pornography.
And you look around and you see all of your friends are dating.
And you look at yourself and you're not. And you feel invisible, and you feel unseen, unloved.
And maybe you know that when you start that kind of pity party, or whatever you want to call it
— that might be a little mean, but you know what I'm saying
— that you end up looking at porn. You have to be aware of that.
If you're a man, maybe it's when you feel emasculated.
Maybe it's when you feel rejected, and you start to dissociate.
You just start scrolling through Twitter, scrolling through Facebook.
You're trying to numb some internal turbulence and so you look to these external things.
Okay, so, not to give an opening to those thoughts.
The third thing Aquinas says that we have to do is pray.
That shouldn't surprise us, but we should be careful here.
Because, I think sometimes people treat God like this metaphysical vending machine:
I give him a Hail Mary or a rosary, he makes sure I have a porn free day.
We should come to him as the God who loves us, who sees us, who knows us,
and we should say “My God, tell me you love me until I finally believe you.”
Because when we act out sexually, I think what we're trying to do is soothe ourselves.
We're trying to regulate, if you will, our emotional affect.
And so we turn to pornography, we turn to different websites,
we turn to masturbation, we turn to hooking up, as a way to seek refuge from that emotional turbulence.
But in the Psalms, David continually says
“Lord, YOU are my refuge.” So we need to make our Lord our refuge.
And that means coming before him, sitting in his presence,
yearning for him, recognizing that he alone is the fulfillment of all our desires,
that he wants good things for us.
Growing in prayer in that way, I think, can be a good way to overcome lust.
The fourth and final thing Thomas Aquinas says
is that we have to be engaged in wholesome activities.
And I think what this could mean is [that] we need to have an ordered life.
We can't go through life in a sort of numb, hazed state, responding to stimuli.
Rather, we have to be intentional about the things we do.
Getting up at a certain time, praying, having a rhythm to our day.
Not just letting the day happen to us,
but us sort of organizing our day appropriately and for the glory of God.
That means going to bed at a certain time. That means praying.
That means engaging with friends that we love,
calling them up just to be like, “Hey, how are you doing?
I just wanna check in with you.” Because this is what friends do.
Being engaged in these wholesome activities —
reading good literature, watching good movies, listening to beautiful music —
can all be ways to feed and nourish our souls.
If you'd like to learn more about how to overcome pornography,
I want to suggest that you check out my podcast “Love People, Use Things.”
The website is lovepeopleusethings.fm.
Every week we release a podcast that will help you overcome porn and masturbation,
and give you the education that you need.
But again, those four things?
Maybe they're not sufficient to overcome, say, a porn addiction or addiction to masturbation,
but I think we can put it this way: if you're not doing those four things —
if you're not avoiding external triggers, if you're giving license to your thoughts
and you're engaging in lustful thinking regularly without stopping them as soon as they appear,
if you're not praying, if you're not organizing your day appropriately?
You have to begin doing that.
Thanks so much for listening, my name is Matt Fradd.
Please subscribe below and feel free to ask me a question.
Just write #askMattFradd and your question, and I'll try to answer it in an upcoming episode.
Thanks so much and God bless you.