- You're contracting, so you have to have
an abundant mindset even when you have no money,
as odd as that sounds. She is using you and, sadly,
you are allowing her to use you.
You are disabling your mother by giving her money,
just the way your mother would disable you.
If you give your child money, all the money
they need, everything you've got, they learn to come to you.
- I just want to know how I make
the transition from where I am now
to that better place when finances are lacking, and
I just can't see that way above an affirming that it's all
going to be possible.
- That's a great question, and, you know,
it's interesting when we're dead broke,
when we haven't got any money, that we live in that
sense of lack, and I've been there.
I was a single parent and I was in a lot of debt,
but what is really important is not to go,
"I can't afford that. I don't have the money.
"I don't know where the money is coming from."
Even when you're in a state of not having any funds,
you need to say things like, "I will have that. Next year,
"I will have that.
"I'll have that later.
"That's coming to me."
I know when I was a single parent,
I literally had no spare cash,
but I would go to, like, car boot sales and second-hand shops
and buy loads of stuff, because they cost nothing,
and I always felt abundant. When my little girl said,
"Mommy, are we rich?"
I'd always say, "Yeah, we are abundant,
"we're wealthy, we've got so much."
I didn't actually mention money because we didn't have any,
but I never said, "We're poor, we can't afford it."
And if we went to a store and she said, "Mommy,
"can I have that toy?" I'd say, "Yeah,
"you can have that toy for Christmas.
"You can have that toy for your birthday, you can have that toy later.
"You will have that toy."
And so, for you, when you think, "I want my own apartment,
"I want a car, I want nice things,"
I want you to say, "I'm having nice things.
"I'm having an amazing apartment,
"I'm having a car," because saying, "I'm having it,"
gets you into that abundant mindset.
And make a vision board of all the things
you're going to have.
You know, the guy who wrote 'Chicken Soup for the Soul'
did that, couldn't get anyone to publish that book,
but he put a vision board on his wall,
he looked at it every day,
he took the New York Times' best-sellers, Tipp-Ex'd out
number one, you call it "Wite-Out" in America,
whited out number one and wrote in
"Chicken Soup for the Soul," and he looked at that every day,
because in doing that, he got into an abundance mindset.
"I am moving into abundance, I'm expanding out here."
You see, when you say, "I can't afford it,
"I can't find the money, where's the money coming from?
"I've run out of money before I've run out of week,"
you're contracting, so you have to have an abundant mindset.
Even when you have no money, as odd as that sounds,
you need to say things like, "I'm wealthy,
"I have everything, I have so much."
When I was a single parent in debt,
I used to take my daughter to feed homeless people
because when I came home, I felt wealthy
beyond belief, I thought, "Wow, I've got a bed, I've got heating."
I suddenly felt so wealthy because I was
around people who had nothing.
And so, keep looking at what you have, "I have a bed,
"I have clothes, I have food, I have heating.
"I have a job." And keep expanding forwards into, "I'm wealthy,
I'm abundant, more is coming to me."
Abundance means a lot of everything all the time.
So get into abundant mindset, I know that isn't easy,
but, you know, I started off living in a studio apartment.
I started off with nothing,
and then I became a single parent who almost got my house
repossessed, but I always focused on where I was going.
I always used words like, "I'm wealthy."
I never said, "I can't afford it, I'm dead broke.
"Oh my God, how am I going to pay my mortgage?"
I always said, "The universe is providing
"because I live an abundant state of mind."
It probably sounds a bit woo-woo, but you know what?
Woo-woo works, the more you focus on that.
Sean Connery's said, "When I lived in the
"tenements of Glasgow with nothing,
"I had a picture of a gold Rolls Royce on my wall
"and I said, 'I'm having that,
"'that's my car,'" and because he said that over and over again,
he was expanding and, you see,
when you start to think about, "I'm having that," on your mood board,
or, "I'm having an apartment like that, a sofa like that,
"a car like that, a business like that," your mind,
which is set up to move forwards,
starts to look for opportunities to create that.
When you say, "I can't have that, I'll never have that,
"I can't find the money," your mind shuts down.
So I know it's very difficult when you're in a place where
you can't pay the bills and you can't imagine how you'll pay
the bills, however, you have to keep
imagining that will happen.
After all, Ed Sheeran was basking,
he was sleeping on benches in a park with nothing, nothing,
but he always focused on where he was going,
not where he was, and look at him now.
So focus on where you're going, not where you are.
I promise
you can move from being, really feeling in a state of
poverty to a state of abundance.
And when you move there with your mind,
you'll find opportunities open up for you,
and please let me know how you get on.
- Hey Marisa, I hope you're well.
My question to you is how to move out of a toxic home,
where the mother needs you for
emotional and financial support.
I have created an abundance mindset with your help,
through your audios, but I can't seem to save anything
because I ended up giving it all to my mom
so she can run her house. I'm 26, I've never lived away,
I feel like I can never say it because she needs every last
penny I earn through creating art, and when I'm all out,
she tells me to leave the house, like, "Just get out."
When I do have the money, she begs me to stay,
and I'm exhausted, I'm just so tired.
What can I do to change my situation?
Thank you.
- This is a horrible situation for you.
No mother should live off her charge.
You're 26, and she takes every penny you earn from your art,
and the more you earn, the more she'll take,
and you have to stop that, you have to sever those ties.
You have to say, "Mom, you know, this is not helping you."
If you keep giving your mother money, you see, you're 26,
so your mother is probably in her forties,
and she could go out and find a way of earning her own money,
you are disabling your mother by giving her money,
just the way your mother would disable you.
If you give your child money, all the money
they need, everything you've got,
they learn to come to you.
So you got to do some tough love
and you've got to say, "Mom, I can't give you my money.
"I can give you a little bit of money,
"but I'm earning my money and you need to do the same."
And the next time your mother tells you to get out,
I would go, that may be difficult,
but if you're giving her all your money,
I would see if you could stay with friends,
rent a room somewhere, and go, because, honestly,
you're not helping her by providing her income
because that stops her providing it herself,
but you're not helping yourself.
This will never end, no mother should live off their child.
And when you have no money and she says, "Get out,"
that's a terrible thing because she is using you and, sadly,
you are allowing her to use you because you're 26.
So please leave if you can,
if you can find someone to stay with,
leave and keep your money.
And if you have to stay at home
at the moment, you need to say to your mom,
"Mom, I'm only giving you a percentage of my money.
"This is my money, I earn it, I cannot give it to you.
"You need to find your own way of making an income."
Maybe don't tell her how much you have,
try and possibly put money away,
but please stop giving your mother your money because this
will never end; it will go on and on and on.
If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.
But if you teach him to fish,
you feed him and his family for the rest of his life.
You're giving your mother the fish.
When you move away and you're not there,
she will have to find her own way. After all,
when you were 10, when you were 12,
when you were 14, and you were not making money from art,
your mother was not saying, "Hey, I need the money,
"give me the money."
It's a really terrible and horrible thing that she's doing
to you, she's taking all your money,
and then when you don't have money, she rejects you.
And when you do, she accepts you,
and you are being used with a capital "U."
And I beg you, please get out of that
situation any way you can, and if you can't get out yet,
put your money away and just say, "I don't have it.
"I don't have any more to give you," no matter how she backs
and cries, stand your ground because, remember,
giving her more is not helping her.
And when you give people money,
you never solve their problems, in fact, you create more
because they become utterly dependent on you.
So, please, you earn that money,
keep that money, and maybe see if you can get paid in other
ways, which means you don't have the money to give her.
Perhaps you could work for a studio that would
pay you in rental, because if you're trading your art
for things that aren't money,
but things that you need, that will help you not have the
money to give her. And please get help,
talk to other people, find some support.
Talk to friends, talk to other family members who maybe
can talk to your mother and say, "This is wrong,
"this has to stop."
Aunties, grandparents, sisters, siblings,
talk to people, get more support and
more people to tell you, "This is wrong,"
and I really want you to stop, and I'm here too
if you need me, but, please, as a parent of a child,
I would never do that to my child. You know,
your parent's job is to support you
and make you independent.
And she isn't doing that, and that's a great shame,
but you're an artist, you can go off
and have an amazing life, and I wish you every success.