- Hello, America, this is President Barack Obama.
Let me be clear, I am the first president on Periscope.
("Go-Go Lounge")
It's America's favorite actor, Tom Hanks.
And welcome to my book club,
where all the books are about war.
(laughing)
I'd like to take these opportunities
to talk about stuff I'm really passionate about,
you know, like fighting Alzheimer's.
I, oh, have you ever seen the movie "Memento"?
Guy Pearce is like amazing, you know.
Oh yeah, but Alzheimer's.
Hello, this is Sir Ian McKellen.
Oh, no, no, no, why won't you go away?
Oh, there I am.
Where's the camera?
It's your favorite tall drink of water, Vince to the Vaughn.
People always ask me in real life,
"Vinny, are you a ladies man?"
My man, you know I am.
I'm in a bar right now.
I'm inside a bar,
and I'm gonna give you some inside tips
about to get your tip inside.
You know what I'm talking about, baby.
(laughs)
Let's try some questions,
and I will answer them.
OK, these are just racial slurs.
What is this place?
Starbucks? What do you got?
Oh coffee, man, I ain't into that, brother man.
I'll have a pot brownie.
"Muslim.
"Loser."
"You're fired."
Wait, what?
That's right, you're fired because you're a loser.
Let me tell you something,
welcome to Trumpiscope.
It's my version of Periscope,
except it's obviously way more luxurious.
My PR thinks I need to Periscope,
you know, kinda get...
Get outta the shot, you prick!
I'm trying to be,
alright, you know, be a professional, mate!
Get outta here!
I never said I wanted Magic Johnson to die.
I just think he gives us an unrealistic perception
of what it's like living with AIDS!
Sitting here, eating baby food for lunch.
Gotta eat baby food because
real food makes my stomach ulcer just
kinda flair up.
OK, I said I'm not gonna answer questions
about "True Detective".
We're talking about the ladies right now
because I'm in a bar right now.
Does anybody have any, come one, lady questions?
OK, here's one about Rachel McAdams
because she's on "True Detective."
I'm not answering that one, baby.
Gargoyle611, you're a working class American.
You work at IHOP.
I would never work at IHOP, but let's say I did.
If I did, Trump would be the greatest
rooty tooty fresh 'n fruity deliverer of all time.
You're a loser, you're fired.
California's in a drought?
Uh hello, African children,
they have no water.
I don't even know if there is a God.
I don't know anything on this menu.
What's a croissant?