Our next guest starred as Russell Crowe's
imaginary friend in A Beautiful Mind.
Now he's winning rave reviews for his performance
in the feature film Master and Commander,
The Far Side of the World.
Please welcome Paul Bettany.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
After you.
I'm English, sit down first!
There we go.
And I always forget about the double kiss, too.
There's always two kisses.
Do you ever get stuck in the air because people pull back
and then you're by yourself out there?
They always pull back, which is a nightmare.
Yeah, it's embarrassing.
It's always awkward to have that thing anyway.
And then there's another kind of kiss
where there's one, two and then back to the same place
you started.
That's the Russian.
Is that Russian?
I know a lot about kissing.
Yeah.
Please tell us.
I can't go into it for fear of being sued.
OK.
Really?
Wow.
Well, you're married anyway.
You probably now just-- you just have
to experiment with the kisses with your beautiful wife.
Yes, that's right.
And you met-- Jennifer Connelly is your wife.
And you met her on the set of A Beautiful Mind?
That's your wife?
Yes, it is.
That's my wife.
What I love-- what I love about this photograph
is it makes me look deep.
Because everybody-- everybody is thinking,
how did she snare him?
Because she's quite plain.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, it's a shame about the looks of both of you.
She's had to battle so much.
Yeah.
She's-- she's beautiful.
And you're a good-looking couple.
Thank you very much.
So now you've got the holidays coming up and--
It's her birthday today.
Today?
Happy birthday today!
Yes, I did the rather stupid thing
of marrying a woman whose birthday was
on the 12th of December, and then I
married her on January the 1st.
So I've got this these three presents to get.
And I'm in sort of gift crisis at the moment.
And you get one?
You don't just get one big one?
You do birthday, Christmas, and anniversary?
She'd see through a cheap trick like that if I just
did the one, you know.
And it would be violent.
It would probably end in violence.
And what have you gotten her?
Did you get her anything yet?
I got her--
I got a very beautiful watch.
OK, does she know that?
No.
OK, now she does.
I know.
But it's today.
Hopefully, I'll have--
Do you want some champagne?
That's mine.
I'm a bit furious about a couple of things.
What's the matter?
Well, number one, Diane Keaton isn't still here.
She wanted to be here.
Well, I wanted her to be here because I'm
an enormous fan of hers.
And number two, I haven't got champagne.
You will now.
The other thing is there was no booze in my fridge
in my dressing room.
There wasn't?
And I'm slightly panicky about it
because I was wondering whether you were a Mormon
or something like that?
No.
So I actually rang up The Tonight Show
and they sent me beer over.
Really?
That's-- that's a true thing.
That's Stephanie, who is the producer of The Tonight Show.
Yeah, we know Stephanie.
So I had to get my booze.
Yeah, but we're giving you champagne.
Maybe they gave you beer, but we're giving you champagne.
That's much better.
Would you like a cigarette?
That's fantastic.
Yeah.
Yeah, they just come right out of the--
Out of the horse's--
Just--
No?
Oh, why do we only have one?
Oh!
Yeah.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Isn't that nice?
Thank you.
Yeah.
So that's for later on, in case you want that.
Oh, bless you.
Yeah, whatever else you need, you ask us for.
I'm going to ask you.
Yeah.
I did ask.
There was no booze in the--
There was no booze in the fridge.
There was no booze even for cash.
Oh, no.
And believe me, I tried to find it.
Really?
I'm English.
We'll make sure-- we'll take care of that next time.
Was there any-- did you get your underwear?
I did get my underwear.
I was going to wear on, but I--
You didn't?
No, I thought it might throw you.
Not at all.
Really?
No, it would have been lovely to wear the underwear.
Bless you.
I'm not wearing--
Any?
--it now.
I actually-- I'm not wearing any underwear.
No?
See, I have no boundaries.
It's terrible.
Yeah, we get the-- we get the stuff on this show
that nobody else gets.
That's information-- you won't hear that
on Regis and Kelly, uh-uh.
No.
So you actually-- you're a dad, too, right?
I am.
I'm a dad.
What's that like to be?
How old is the baby?
He's four months.
That's cute.
It's wonderful.
And what is that like?
Well, thank you very much.
It was actually a sort of a fumbled five minutes
a couple of months ago.
But it's-- it's wonderful.
I don't deserve a round of applause.
My wife does, but I don't.
Wait, hold on because I really need
to follow up on that fumble for five minutes.
But we have to go to a commercial,
so you'll have to explain that when we come back.
OK, I will.
We'll be right back.
Everybody says it.
We have the best audiences here.
Every single person that comes on the show says it.
They are terribly enthusiastic.
Paul-- we're back with Paul Bettany.
Paul, the four-month-old baby.
Yes.
Because you seem like, you know, this guy that's out and about.
But you're at home with a baby and you have to be--
you know, that has to change you.
Having babies changes you.
I've become an imbecile.
You know, everybody actually talks about how-- you know,
I am capable of homicide now if anybody, you know, hurt him.
Yes.
But it changes you.
I've become an imbecile.
If he poos, I celebrate.
Mm-hmm.
He actually pooed on me when I was changing his nappy,
pooed all over me.
And what happens is you go, yay!
You can poo!
You're a genius!
And none of my friends will talk to me anymore.
Yeah.
Because I'm really dull now, you know?
My baby pukes on me and I ring my friend up and go,
you'll never guess what happened.
Yeah.
Well, it seems like you're a little
obsessed with bodily functions, but you know--
Massively.
I thought maybe-- because you would.
You have a baby and you're going to look at it
and just stare at it all the time.
Well, all they do is poo.
You see?
It's hard--
Really?
If you're going to be obsessed about your baby,
for the first three months, what they do is poo.
So you have to sort of get-- you have to go with it
and kind of get obsessed with poo.
You know, so did you work out for this film, for the film
that you were in?
No, I didn't work out for Master and Commander
because I could be a skinny doctor.
But then I had to go on and play a tennis player in Wimbledon,
and I had to work out.
And I had an induction with this--
this guy who sort of trained people who
fought in Vietnam or something because that
was the only person that would make me get out of my bed.
And I hyperventilated on the running machine,
and had to be laying down on the floor like that.
All right.
Well, you need the Zumba dance workout is what you need.
That's the last thing on Earth that I need.
All right, well all right.
Well, then, we'll stick to your acting,
which is what you're good at.
You brought a clip from Master and Commander.
And you're a doctor and Russell Crowe--
you and Russell Crowe are chatting here.
Master and Commander, The Far Side of the World
is in theaters now.
Thank you so much for being here, Paul.
Such a pleasure.
We'll be right back.
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