Translator: Sarah El_Gayyar Reviewer: Reiko Bovee
Hello, TEDxKC.
I know you probably
can't understand me very well,
so I want to use the iPad
to help me share my ideas with you tonight.
Growing up as a child with disabilities in the heartland,
I often heard the adage of Ben Franklin,
"God helps those who help themselves."
Since my early years were spent in therapy trying to fix me
so that I could walk, talk, and use my hands,
I may have heard this more often than other people.
The more I try to live independently,
the more I question the concept of true independence.
We humans are gloriously interdependent,
but we fight too hard against it.
I have four college degrees including a master's and Ph.D. in special education,
and a second master's in English.
So, I'm overeducated, but guess what?
I still cannot tie my shoes, drive, or feed myself with a spoon.
Proud as I am of my academic accomplishments
and the tasks I can do alone,
there remains a nagging voice inside me saying,
"You need too much help.
You are a helpless child, and always will be."
Society's emphasis on independence hammers me with shame.
What I struggle with most is asking for help.
Part of it is realizing everyone is busy, and not wanting to impose.
The more I think of it, though,
the real problem is that I was convinced early on
that needing help is a sign of weakness.
A prime example is my weekly grocery shopping excursion.
Some days, it seems that every item I need is within reach
and I can easily grab it and put it in my cart.
However, on other days,
every item I need is way up at the top or down on the bottom.
Sometimes, a kind soul will pass and ask if I need help,
but others ignore, or they look at me like, "Who left you unattended?"
People are unsure of whether they should help people with disabilities or not,
since they know we want to be as independent as possible.
Recently, I have had more fellow shoppers or store employees,
who've asked whether or not I need help, which is the best approach, I think.
However, at times when I could really use assistance,
I nonetheless hear myself saying, "No, thanks. I've got it,"
chasing the rolling jar of peanut butter down the aisle for five more minutes,
or giving up and having my sister go back and get it.
(Laughter)
Why can't I just accept the help when offered?
Because a voice still tells me I need to do it myself.
Even if I am struggling and a seemingly nice person is passing by,
I just can't bring myself to say,
"Excuse me, could you help me get the pumpkin spice coffee creamer, please?"
I am working on it, though.
But needing other people, needing help makes us human.
Amazingly, people who help other people
actually feel more fulfilled in their lives.
It is a win-win situation.
Each of us has strengths and weaknesses,
so helping one another balances the universe.
People say that the three most difficult words to say are,
"I love you."
I disagree.
I think "I need help," is much more frightening.
I will make a deal with you.
I will try saying, "I need help," when necessary, if you will too.
People.
People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.
As Barbra Streisand's saying,
"I should go now; I'm feeling a bit verklempt."
(Laughter)
Thanks for listening.
(Applause)