>>> RUDY, ATTORNEY GENERAL BARR, THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME.
[ APPLAUSE ] AS YOU KNOW, THIS IMPEACHMENT
FARCE IS GROWING WORSE BY THE DAY.
AND NOW A SECOND WHISTLE-BLOWER IS COMING FORWARD.
>> AND IT'S ALL HAPPENING DURING MY BUSY SEASON -- HALLOWEEN.
>> WHERE IS THE PRESIDENT, MIKE? >> HE HAS MORE IMPORTANT THINGS
TO DEAL WITH. HE'S MEETING WITH AN ALLIGATOR
BREEDER ABOUT FILLING A MOAT AT THE BORDER.
>> YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME. I KNOW A COUPLE OF GATORS FROM
WHEN I LIVED IN THE CENTRAL PARK ZOO.
>> RUDY, WE NEED TO GET AHEAD OF THIS STORY BEFORE IT SPIRALS OUT
OF CONTROL. DID YOU SEE THE TEXT MESSAGES
THEY UNCOVERED? >> WHAT!
THEY TOTALLY EXONERATE US. >> REALLY?
WHAT DO THEY SAY? >> THIS ONE SAYS, I THINK WE
SHOULD STOP TEXTING ABOUT THE CRIMES AND MAYBE TELL THE CRIMES
OVER THE PHONE SO THAT THE CRIMES DON'T LEAVE LITTLE CRIME
FOOTPRINTS. SEE, IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SEEING THE
NEW JUDY GARLAND MOVIE WITH MOTHER.
>> YOU WORRY TOO MUCH, MIKE. PRESIDENTS GET IMPEACHED EVERY
30 OR 40 YEARS. NOW, COME ON, RELAX, HAVE
ANOTHER GLASS OF MILK. >> WELL, IT'S 5:00 SOMEWHERE.
>> MR. VICE PRESIDENT, SECRETARY MIKE POMPEO HAS RETURNED FROM
GREECE AND IS HERE TO SEE YOU. >> THANKS.
GOOD TO BE BACK. [ APPLAUSE ]
>> MIKE, WEREN'T YOU SUBPOENAED BY CONGRESS?
>> I WAS, BUT I THINK I BOUGHT MYSELF A LITTLE TIME.
>> THIS MEETING OF THE HOUSE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE WILL NOW
COME TO ORDER. POMPEO.
POMPEO. POMPEO.
>> LISTEN, I'VE BEEN ASKING AROUND AND I THINK THAT THIS
WHOLE IMPEACHMENT THING COULD BE REALLY BAD.
>> WHO TOLD YOU THAT? >> LIKE, AMERICA.
>> NOT ACCORDING TO THIS BREITBART OFFICE POLL THAT SAYS
121% OF PEOPLE WANT BIDEN IMPEACHED.
>> MAYBE WE SHOULD LISTEN TO MIKE.
AFTER ALL, HE IS SECRETARY OF -- >> STATE, I THINK?
HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE. MY I.D. JUST SAYS BIG MIKE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. THE ONLY ORIGINAL CABINET MEMBER
LEFT IS BEN CARSON. >> DID SOMEBODY SAY MY NAME?
[ APPLAUSE ] >> THAT'S OKAY, BEN.
THIS ISN'T YOUR JOB. >> OKAY.
BUT I'VE BEEN SITTING IN MY EMPTY OFFICE FOR LIKE THREE
YEARS. DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT MY JOB IS
SUPPOSED TO BE? >> NO IDEA.
ANYONE? >> I DON'T KNOW.
>> EVEN IF SOMEBODY COULD GIVE ME MY PASSWORD TO MY COMPUTER,
THAT WOULD BE A GREAT HELP. >> I BETTER SHOW MR. CARSON OUT.
>> BUT YOU'LL BE BACK, RIGHT? WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS
HERE. >> OH, FOR SURE, 100%.
SEE YOU SOON. >> LISTEN, GUYS, WE'RE GOING TO
JUST FINE. WE NEED TO CLOSE RANKS, YOU
KNOW? LIKE THE MAFIA.
>> UH, YEAH, EXCEPT THE MAFIA WAS LIKE, SMART.
THEY DIDN'T GO ON FOX NEWS AND TELL PEOPLE THE CRIMES BEFORE
THEY DID THEM. >> OH, THAT REMINDS ME, I
PROMISED HANNITY I WOULD GO ON HIS SHOW TONIGHT.
WHILE I'M GOING, YOU GUYS SHOULD GET YOUR STORIES STRAIGHT, HOW
HUNTER BIDEN STARTED PIZZA GATE OR HOW THIS CAN ALL BE TRACED
BACK TO -- TEXT IT TO ME SO THE FEDS HAVE A RECORD.
I'LL BE BACK. >> HE'S PROBABLY RIGHT ABOUT
GETTING OUR STORIES STRAIGHT. >> YES, BECAUSE EVEN IF THEY'RE
NOT STRAIGHT NOW, THEY COULD STILL BE CONVERTED TO STRAIGHT,
RIGHT? [ APPLAUSE ]
>> YOU KNOW, THOUGH, THE OTHER THING WE COULD DO IS JUST FLEE
THE COUNTRY. THERE'S WHOLE LIST OF COUNTRIES
THAT WOULD LOVE TO HAVE US. NORTH KOREA, SAUDI ARABIA.
END OF LIST. >> I'M SORRY, WHO IS THIS GUY?
>> I'M THE PRESIDENT OF FINLAND. >> OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE STILL HERE? FROM THE PRESS CONFERENCE?
>> YES. MR. TRUMP KEPT SCREAMING AND
THEN HE JUST WALKED OFF AND I DID NOT KNOW IF IT WAS OVER OR
WHAT. >> YOU CAN GO.
YOU'RE GOOD TO GO. >> WELL, I JUST WANT TO SAY THE
CONCEPT OF DIPLOMACY IS VERY IMPORTANT.
>> OH, THAT'S CUTE. HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING TO WALK THIS GUY OUT. SO WHAT'S FINLAND LIKE?
I MEAN TO LIVE IN. >> IT'S NICE.
>> WAIT. YOU'RE COMING BACK, RIGHT, MIKE?
BECAUSE IF THINGS GO BAD FOR TRUMP, THEN I'M PRESIDENT.
>> OH, YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S GOING TO WORK OUT JUST
GREAT. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT TO HAPPEN.
AND HEY, IMPEACHMENT MOVES PRETTY FAST.
IF YOU DON'T STOP AND LOOK AROUND, MIGHT MISS IT.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> WOW, IT LOOKS LIKE I'M HERE
ALL ALONE. >> ACTUALLY, SIR, STEPHEN MILLER
WANTED TO TALK TO YOU. >> OH.
FANTASTIC. >> HERE HE IS.
>> OH, THANKS FOR COMING BY, STEPHEN.
DO YOU HAVE ANY WAY OUT OF THIS IMPEACHMENT?
OH, REALLY? BIDEN, CORRUPTION?
OKAY, UH-HUH. GET NICOLAS CAGE TO STEAL THE
CONSTITUTION AND BLAME IT ON IMMIGRANTS?
DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT WILL WORK?
GOD, HE'S GOOD. HE'S GOOD.
>> AND SPEAKING OF GOOD, RUDY GIULIANI IS BACK FROM HIS
APPEARANCE ON FOX NEWS. HE'S STILL IN STAGE MAKEUP.
>> I KILLED ON HANNITY. >> DID YOU SAY KILLED?
>> THAT'S RIGHT, AND I'LL KILL AGAIN.
>> LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!