INFJs are very rare making up less than 3% of the population.
They stand out as different from the norm and have their own unique set of strengths and challenges.
Being an INFJ female is even more rare and unique, especially when compared to other female types.
INFJ females tend to be overlooked and misunderstood.
As a result, they tend to be quiet and don’t seem to mind being alone,
a majority of the time. This is not to say they have nothing to say, they are highly intelligent
and have rich imaginations, they just prefer to keep it hidden rather than be misunderstood.
Life for an INFJ woman can therefore be quite isolating.
A lot of INFJ women struggle with friendships, especially female friendships.
So, let’s explore 6 Reasons INFJ Women Struggle with Having Friends.
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INFJ Women Are Non-Conforming
INFJ women tend to struggle with social norms and routines especially as they usually see no
point or use for them. The majority have learnt to adapt and can put on a good show of sociability,
but it’s not something that tends to come naturally to them.
INFJ women spend most of their time in deep or complex thought, so menial or
shallow conversations in everyday speech can seem frustrating and meaningless to them. For instance,
small talk can start with “How are you?” and usually it’s a rhetorical question
but for an INFJ woman, they are seeking an answer that is deep and
true. They are genuinely waiting for a way to connect and so are not interested in just fine.
Also, INFJ women prefer deep conversations to surface topics.
However, they are also great at multitasking. They are very intuitive in examining their
environment and picking up on cues and feedback from people in conversations. They can therefore
be great at engaging in discussions that don’t interest them, but it does come at a cost.
It can be terribly exhausting to act up to people’s expectations.
With maturity INFJ women give up the need to conform and as a result, they end up avoiding
or engaging far less with people that they can’t be their full selves around.
INFJ Women Have Difficulty Opening Up
INFJ’s are one of the most reserved and private personality types for women,
they can be very difficult to get to know. They value closeness in their relationships
and can also be hurt easily. However, they tend to hide these feelings from others.
INFJ women require understanding and support
with their need to retreat and recharge. But not many people understand or respect this about them.
This is why INFJ women are known as social chameleons and also known for not emotionally
opening up. They will have a layer of thoughts and feelings that they don't mind giving up;
to avoid any further prodding from people asking them questions that will truly get down to
their core. It’s kind of like a false layer of openness they give people, so they don't
feel like they’re completely closed off. However, this should not be mistaken for them opening up.
Its only when someone understands their perspective
and appreciates their strengths that they truly open up.
INFJ Women Don’t Fit into Gender Norms
INFJ women don’t tend to honour societal systems that hint at decisiveness. As a result,
they have a tendency to be a bit more androgynous or have a more fluid affiliation to gender. Where
INFJ women can be seen as tomboys, in contrast INFJ men can appear softer and more sensitive,
compared to most men where the societal norm is macho.
INFJ women don’t tend to fit into typical girl cliques seen in female friendships. They find
other women too caught up in fitting their personalities into a gender mould that isn’t
authentic. They’re more concerned with maintaining an unbiased view than living up to patriarchal
views of femininity. Sometimes they wonder whether some women’s behavior is to impress
others or to sell an identity of who they are. Either way they find it extremely hard to relate.
For example, they might have tried to talk to their college roommate about
their societal anxieties and the response might have been to just
drink another beer and get over it. From this interaction they will then start to believe
how they feel will never be shared and will begin to hide it from other women.
INFJ Women Need to Feel Safe
INFJ women value authenticity and loyalty in their relationships. They want to know
for certain a friend will always have their back.
Generally speaking, they feel unsafe when they perceive that others around them are acting in
manners inconsistent with how they know them to be or when unusual patterns of behaviour recur
in their environment. They are very attuned to even the slightest change in mannerisms
and expressions of others as well as when patterns of occurrences reach the point in which they
statistically just can’t be random. In general, INFJs strongly dislike surprises, preferring to
know, with at least a reasonable degree of certainty, the course their lives will take.
INFJ women, therefore, need reliability in their relationships
in order to feel safe. They don’t want to get close to people who deliberately hurt them,
but even people who keep hurting them accidentally aren’t considered safe.
Most INFJ women have been hurt often enough and deeply enough that they’re very careful
with who they allow into their lives. INFJs won’t reveal themselves unless they think
and feel that they’re safe around someone in a physical, emotional, and intellectual sense.
INFJ Women Don’t Like Making the First Move
INFJ women are perfectionists, so much so that it can be crippling. If they are certain a friend is
into them, they are playing out every scenario in their head and what strategy to use in each. This
can be very time consuming, which may cause the interest the person has for them to wither away.
INFJs live in the future, so many times, the present will pass them by.
Then, there is the apprehension of being misunderstood or even taken
advantage of because of their selfless nature.
This can hinder them from taking action or pursuing an interest in a friendship.
Sometimes the INFJ woman simply does not feel the same way.
Even though they will smile and subtly go along with the situation, which is misleading and not
a good thing. They are possibly just being nice or trying not to let the person down too hard. INFJ
women often put themselves in these inauspicious situations to make someone else feel comforted.
INFJ Women Need Patience
As mentioned earlier, it often takes INFJ women a long time to open up to people.
As they’re trying to build trust and a closer friendship with someone,
they need that person to be patient whilst they figure out whether or not they’re safe.
Even after the friendship has reached a comfortable stage,
they will still require patience from that friend, especially when it comes to communication.
INFJ’s in general often struggle getting their thoughts into words.
They need someone that will understand and allow them to talk through things for a while
before getting to their final feelings on something. They require people to not pressure
them into quick decisions or expect them to give an opinion on an important topic immediately.
INFJ women are extremely supportive and empathetic people – these are amazing
qualities for any friendship. When someone is in need an INFJ woman is the type of
person that will drop everything to help. They prioritize the people they love most
and will push aside their own needs to comfort and care for another.
It can take a while to fall into an INFJs friend list. It is said some personality
types are better suited to understand an INFJ and are more compatible with this personality type.
The truth is though there are no specific lists of personality types
that make better friends for INFJs. It will always depend.
People think maintaining a friendship with an INFJ is difficult, but let’s be honest,
maintaining a friendship with anyone is difficult. Living, breathing relationships
with genuine, connected friends require effort, patience, and understanding.
Whether or not they can find a deep, meaningful, and real friendship with someone
has a lot more to do with who they are as a person than anything else.