- Why did the relationship end?
- I just think sexually--
- No, no, because you said, go ahead.
- [Eric] Because what?
- Why did the relationship end?
(gentle music)
- [Woman] Sound speeding.
- [Man] Eric, can I get you to clap please?
Thank you, and go for it.
- I'm Eric, I'm bisexual.
I'm here today to talk to two of my exes.
I'm 28, I've known I was bisexual
just about all of my life.
My experience dating as a bisexual,
it's been a bit difficult.
Mostly dating woman is, I think, the hardest part.
- My name is Mariah, and I am 26.
- I dated Mariah for about a year and a half.
- We've been broken up for two and a half years.
- My name is Alexander, and I'm 36.
- I dated Alex for about a year and a half.
- We've been broken up for about three months now.
- I'm hoping to get a little bit of exposure
to the bisexual part of the spectrum.
I feel, especially as a male,
there's not a lot of people that are open about it.
Just trying to bring that to light.
- What attracted to you to each of us?
- I think I was attracted by you first physically.
Both of you were definitely my type.
Curvaceous, smart, both of you.
You guys were funny.
You guys were just good conversation.
How did you feel when you found out I was bi?
- I mean, for me, it was a surprise
'cause you didn't tell me until like way later.
And so, having had zero experience.
Then, you just like popping it up
after we had already been seeing each other for awhile.
It was pretty surprising.
I just felt like--
It was kind of one of those things you like tell someone.
(laughs) It's just preference.
- Sorry. - Yeah.
I'd never dated anyone bisexual, I guess.
It was like, "You're gay, too?"
As a woman, I was just kind of like,
"Oh, that's like interesting and new."
- Yeah. - You know?
Especially 'cause it was so late in the game.
- I think 'cause I was really in like the queer circle.
Like, I don't want you to question
like my masculinity or, you know, that.
And it was difficult having this life
with somebody for eight years,
and then I end it to be with her.
And it just seemed like friends that were friends with him,
which is the whole gay circle.
Everybody knew that I was with this guy.
- How did you take that? - I stopped talking to him.
- [Alexander] You did?
- I stopped talking to him because I had no idea.
About any of it, I didn't know he was bi,
I didn't know he was with a man,
I didn't know he left that relationship for me.
I had no idea.
- Alex, how did you feel about me
going from dating a woman to dating you?
- You had told me that you were in a relationship
with a guy for eight years. - Yeah.
- You also were very honest and truthful
about leaving him for Mariah.
And I had no problems with it.
Like I said, if you had told me months later,
after I got to know you and everything
that we had done. - Yeah.
- I wouldn't have believed you.
Because there was nothing about you,
or anything that you did that encompassed
or incorporated bisexuality at all.
- Yeah. - I feel like
you just jump into whatever
you jump into like full force.
Like, if you're gay, then you're gay.
But if you're with a woman, then you're with a woman.
The essence of your bisexuality
is like you're going full force
with whatever you're feeling at that time.
- Yeah, but like I say, fully committed.
- I would agree with that.
Because there was no sign of me to see
that there was anything that would
give me that he was bisexual.
- That was the same for me.
I was like, "You were with a man?"
- [Alexander] Why do you think he hid that?
- I think he had a lot of misconceptions
about how I would perceive him as a man if he was open
with me about his friends or his preferences.
- That's one of my biggest regrets
is just like not being able to involve her,
as she should of, as like every part of my life.
Because I loved her and I wanted her
involved in everything. (gentle music)
- Were you ever concerned I wouldn't fit into your life?
- I was very concerned.
Not for anybody else, but you.
I don't worry about anybody else's
like ideas about what this was, attitudes towards it.
Like, "Are you really bi?"
Like, "Are you just unsure?"
Like, none of those phased me.
I just didn't want it to affect you.
And now, I feel that me hiding it
lead to more thoughts with you
'cause there's that uncertainty.
I'm just sorry I just didn't involve you
with every aspect of my life, as I should've.
And I would've loved to.
I think you would've accepted it fully.
You're very open with me,
and I should've been completely open with you.
- When you closed me off to certain aspects of your life,
it made me feel like you were keeping something from me.
- Yeah, did you ever feel like I was cheating on you?
- Yeah, I felt like, what reason would there be
for you not to introduce me to
that side of your personality,
other than something else is amiss (chuckles).
Like, what could you be hiding?
From a work perspective, from friends that you were making,
you were not open about it.
I feel like you kind of go back and forth.
Proud, not proud, proud, not proud.
And like, it's kind of circumstantial at times.
- What was it like for you the first time
I met your straight friends?
Which was nonexistent. (Mariah chuckles)
- Yeah. - I was like,
did you meet any of them (laughs)?
- No, well, not meet.
Other than your family, I did not meet any.
- At all. - Straight friends of yours.
There was no heterosexual lifestyle,
or community that he was involved in at all.
It was just he was a gay man to me
who had a bisexual experience with a female.
Now that you're single,
do you think that you sway one way or another,
or are you open to both?
- Open to both, yeah, when I'm single.
I mean, I'm single.
I don't just go to gay events, I got to straight events.
I do everything.
- Like, I've seen him talk to both.
Within his realm of bisexuality, it's just who he's with.
It's like he's catering to that.
(gentle music)
Do you think that fact
that you're bi affected our sex life?
- (chuckles) For sure, for sure.
I was very much in my head a lot.
I just didn't know, I guess, how to react or what to do.
Because like, in sex, I'm like dominate,
I'm, you know, the one on top, I'm like the aggressor.
- You definitely didn't have any of that.
I would say the nature of our relationship
was very much a partnership,
a very, very affectionate, caring partnership.
Very filled with love, 100%.
Like, there were just times where we would just hang out,
and like stare at each other.
It just wasn't very sexual,
I don't think. - Yeah.
- And it's so strange to me to hear this
because he constantly wanted to have sex.
What he said, what he's into,
and like, the aggressor, and whatever.
Because I took on the dominate role,
and I was the dominate one in the relationship,
it was difficult for me to see him as the dominate person.
(gentle music)
- Did I fit your image of what you thought a man should be?
- I don't have any perception of what a man is, I guess.
I felt like I had to take care of you a lot,
more so than I would've liked.
And that was something that I felt
kind of stemmed from him being bisexual,
and like being with men before me.
Because I felt like he was
the submissive in previous relationships
because I was forced out of
my comfort zone for the first time.
Whereas, I like to be catered to.
I don't know if you would call that a feminine role,
or whatever it is, but yes, I do like to be catered to.
I like to be taken care of, I like to be lead.
And with him, it just felt like he kept trying
to assume this role that didn't suit him.
Do you feel like you were more catering to him,
or more of like you took care of him?
- I usually take on the more--
- Masculine role?
- Dominate, masculine, temperamental.
And I feel I kind of dominated that with Eric.
- I just think from being in that relationship
that I was with, with a man,
I was just kind of just like, I took care of myself,
he took care of himself.
And I think just grasping that, I was just like,
I should just be watching out for her,
like let her enjoy herself. (gentle music)
- Why did the relationship end?
- We got into an argument, things escalated,
and it turned pretty bad.
- No, no, no, because you said, go ahead.
- Because what?
- Why did the relationship end?
- Which time?
- When it ended. - I made out with two guys.
I was upset. - And?
- And I made out with somebody that he wasn't too fond of.
Some guy that he used to date.
Where our relationship lines were,
that was kind of difficult.
- I'd like to answer that by saying
I ended the relationship,
but it has absolutely nothing
to do with Eric being bisexual.
That was not a factor whatsoever.
- Why didn't we work?
- My machismo,
my jealousy, my drinking.
I just think I had really bad behaviors with you.
I just did what I wanted to without thought, you know.
I was just enjoying myself.
When really, I should've been taking care of you,
and catering to you, and not being that way.
- Or just enjoying things together.
- Exactly, yeah.
I'm sorry for the way that I behaved with you.
It was uncalled for.
The jealousy had
no backing.
Like, when we were together, we were together.
And we're together 100%.
- All of those things stemmed
from your own personal behavior.
- [Eric] Definitely, definitely.
- I never did those things.
- I think with just trying to
be dominate, trying to have that machismo,
getting up in people's faces if I see them doing something,
being the aggressor, I think that,
in part, had a little bit to do with it.
But overall, I think it's just a character flaw
that I have, outside of my sexuality.
(gentle music)
How has being with me changed
your perspective on bisexuality?
- Eric is my third bisexual encounter.
And I wouldn't say that it has changed my perception.
I completely, whole heartedly believe
that bisexuality is real.
And I dated these guys who definitely showed me
the kind of fighting with their inner selves,
and mentally, like who they are.
And, "Is this who I am?"
And I think that the bisexual community gets a bad rap
from both sides, heterosexual community,
and the homosexual community.
- Definitely. - And it sucks.
And they're in this kind of like mold,
and they're discriminated against.
And it's something that if a heterosexual person
is gonna question how could somebody be gay?
Who am I to question how somebody could be bisexual?
Because I cannot answer how I am gay.
And so, I cannot question how someone is bisexual.
- You experienced a gay man.
I pretty much experienced a straight man for the most part,
like in everything that he gave me was a straight man.
Although, I have my own thoughts (chuckles)
with you specifically. - Yeah.
- That don't reflect the bisexual community,
or even the gay community, or anyone for that matter.
- Just Eric, individually, yeah.
- You, Eric, as a person,
you have given me my own perspective on you.
As for bisexuality,
people find beauty in what they find beauty in.
And I'm not
anyone to say anything.
- Yeah, I just didn't want you to think,
like he's gonna cheat on me with a guy.
You know, this is who he is.
Like, I didn't want you to question me.
- I don't know.
I liked who I was even after it.
And like, you made me feel really good about it.
Even though you liked men, too (chuckles).
- [Man] How do you guys feel?
- Tired and hungry. (Eric laughs)
(gentle music)