(Anthony) Hey, bro! You wanna see me flex my butt muscles?
(Anthony makes strained groaning sounds)
(Ian) SHUT UP!
-(TV) Touchdown! -Yeah! Throw the ball!
Bros! Do I look ready to party or what?
Oh god, that outfit is hideous!
But will he get mad at me if I tell the truth?
Ah, screw it. We're all friends here.
The other guys will probably tell the truth too.
(screams) Are you kidding?! You got frickin' mooon boots,
you got three top colors,
and you got a long sleeved shirt under a t-shirt?!
I mean, what? Are you stuck in the freaking 90's or what?!
(heart thumps)
(begins to bawl)
Has something like this ever happened to you?
Don't worry! I'm here to help.
THE GUY'S GUIDE TO BEING MANLY!
Scientists taught us that being manly is essential
to keeping our penises from falling off.
Trust me. It happened to my uncle when he watched
The Notebook four times in a row.
(shrieking)
Today, I'll teach you how to stay manly around your guy friends,
because the second your bros find out that you're lacking manliness,
they'll devour you like a pack of hungry, hungry hippos!
Alright, let's be real here, guys.
The new One Direction song isn't that bad, alright?
-KILL HIM! -(groans in pain)
-(men shriek angrily) -(Anthony) AH! AH! AH!
One of the most sensitive subjects between bros
is how they compliment each other.
Give 'em a compliment that is positive,
but doesn't make it sound like you want to
give 'em a little "heat to their meat".
(slurred) How do I look, bro?
-You look faaaabulous! -(buzzer goes off)
-I would tap that. -(buzzer goes off)
-You look like an ugly piece of shi-- -(buzzer goes off)
-(makes retching noises) -(buzzer goes off)
-You look like a hot piece of ass! -What?!
I mean, you look like Spock's naked ass.
(heart thuds)
(slurred) I was thinkin' the same thing, bro!
(both) YEAH!
(bell dings in approval)
(together) Uh!
Oh, your nipples are hard, bro!
How people perceive you is very important.
As much as you may love your "girlfriend",
you can't show any of that crap in front of your guy friends!
-I love you! -I want to name our baby Bernard.
-It's a girl! -(both giggle)
-Hey, what's up, bro? -Uh!
Hey, uh, this is my stupid girlfriend being a stupid girl.
-Yeah! Girls are stupid! -Ow.
(makes nervous sounds)
Body language is a big deal.
Let's say you're hanging out at da' club
and you're single and ready to mingle!
It may be comfortable to sit like this...
-Ewww! -(buzzer goes off)
But if you cross your legs like that, you're just screaming,
"I'm a little girly girl and I wish I was at a tampon party instead!"
F*ck that [bleep]!
Here's some manly ways to sit.
The Gigantic Genitalia!
The 90's Heartthrob!
The Gargoyle!
The Overdone Meme From 2011!
The Doggystyle!
The Air Chair.
And, finally, The Reversal.
If you've sat in one of these manly ways,
chances are you've attracted a lot of hot, smokin' babes!
Now comes the ultimate test of your manliness.
Dancing.
So make sure you use only the most manliness moves possible...like these!
The Minor Seizure!
The Runner!
The Creepy Moolester!
The Dookie Brown.
The Chris Brown.
-Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! -Seriously, f*ck that guy.
The Neighbor.
The Dick Cheney!
(gun shot) Oop. Sorry. Thought you were a bird.
The Chainy Dick!
Or the Pay A Black Guy to Dance For You.
And as everyone knows, the best way to acquire
manliness is to absorb it from another man.
Allow me to demonstrate.
-(makes slurping noises) -NO, NO, NO! MOLESTEEEEEER!
What?! I just wanted to suck out your manliness!
AAAAAH!
(glass shatters)
Well that's it for today's lesson.
Join me next time for Guy's Guide to Escaping a Police Car!
Whee! (groans)
-(groaning) -Ah! Ah! Ah!
-(still groaning) -Ah! Ah! Ah!
To see bloopers and deleted scenes--
Sick nail tits, bro!
Click the video right here!
(cracks up)
Click right here to see Guy's Guide to Subscribing to Smosh!
O-Okay, I just lied. It just makes you subscribe.