My name is Kabir Singh, I'm from Fremont, California,
and I'm a stand-up comedian.
When I was a kid, I realized that
the easiest way to make friends
was just being really funny.
My parents were, believe it or not,
very supportive of me.
Everything that I've done in my whole life
is because of my mom and my dad.
When I was about a year or two into stand-up comedy,
my dad passed away.
He was our anchor.
And then it was basically just my mom and I.
And ever since then, for the last ten years,
I've been pretty much financially supporting my mom
through comedy.
The last year was quite a struggle.
So it was a lot of pressure.
Like, what are we gonna do for money?
I mean, nothing's coming in.
- Hey, Mama G. How's it goin'?
- Coming on "America's Got Talent,"
it really does feel like there's a light
at the end of the tunnel.
- Thank you, Mom. I just cannot wait
to get on stage and show the world
what I love to do.
This one's for Dad, and all of us and for the future,
so I'm gonna take care of business today.
- I wanna win this so bad. I wanna be
the first stand-up comedian to win this.
And I'd be the happiest guy in the world.
- Two minutes can change your life.
- Let's go. - That's what Simon says
all the time. - I'm ready to go, baby.
- All right, go make it happen. - All right.
- Howie!
- Hello, hello.
What is your name?
- My name is Kabir Singh.
- What are you gonna do tonight?
- I'm actually a stand-up comedian.
- Why did you come to "AGT"?
- I wanted to come over here and go up against the best.
- Have you had bad gigs?
- There was one gig I remember
I was hired for an Indian wedding,
and they forgot they hired a comedian.
[laughter] So I come on,
the DJ still played music,
I had kids going ring around the posy around me,
and I basically bombed for an hour,
and that was a nightmare.
[laughter]
- Well, there's a million dollars
if you win this competition.
- All right. - So we wish you good luck.
Show us what you've got. - Let's do it, guys.
How's it going? You guys doing good?
Let's go! Come on! [cheers and applause]
Come on.
I'm glad to be back on stage, man.
I've been quarantined for eight months.
It was awful. I've been doing nothing
but watching documentaries on serial killers.
Have you seen these guys? My God.
White people have won that battle.
My roommate's actually white, and he's like,
"This is racist.
Not all white people are serial killers."
I'm like, weeeeell.
[laughter]
It looks like all serial killers are white here, buddy.
We're on season 14. Come on.
You know what I'm sayin'?
It's a clean sweep. Let's go.
And I feel bad, 'cause white people
are actually the only people in the world
that can be serial killers.
There's no other ethnicity in the world
that can get away with eight unsolved murders in a row.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, you don't think Black people wanna be serial killers?
Of course they do. They cannot.
Could you imagine a Black serial killer?
He would get pulled over on the way to getting supplies.
[laughter]
He hasn't even done anything yet.
Come on.
Indians, Asians, Hispanics-- we can't be serial killers.
Our family's way too nosy.
- That's true.
- My mom's an old Indian lady. She's a snitch.
My mom would just show up, "Where is the rope?
"What happened to the duct tape?
Where is the bleach? I'm calling the cops."
I'm like, "Come on, Mom. You raised me.
Don't do this. I'm your son. Come on."
The quarantine sucked for all comedians.
We all went broke. When you're broke,
it's tough to pay bills even if you have money.
There are too many passwords.
- I know. - How are we supposed
to remember this?
I got the Verizon bill last week.
I had to crack the Da Vinci Code to pay this.
It took too long.
I have the bill in front of me, I call them up.
I'm like, "What's up, Verizon? It's me, Kabir Singh.
Let's do this. Come on."
They're like, "What's your account number?"
I'm like, "4789432." "Where do you live?"
"2000 Wadard Avenue." "What's your date of birth?"
"12/30/84."
Then he's like, "What's your bill pay password?"
- Uh-oh.
- I was like, "You [bleep]."
[laughter]
I was like, "I don't know what that is,
"and I think you know that I don't know what that is,
Let me just pay this."
He's like, "I cannot. I need your bill pay password.
I need to make sure it's you."
I'm like, "Who is out there paying other people's bills?"
Come on!
That was fun. It was an absolute honor
performing for you guys.
Thank you very much. - Bravo!
[cheers and applause]
- Standing O!
- Oh, my God. How much fun was that?
Thank you. What a dream come true.