from the vastness of space to the eerie
depths of the ocean few places remain as
mysterious and unknown as the New York
City sewer system anything could be down
there killer alligators hole people or
even Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for
ordinary domestic Terrapins transformed
into humanoid superheroes by a chance
encounter with a canister of mysterious
mutagenic goos they were adopted by an
equally mutated rat skilled in martial
arts who decided to name them after
Renaissance artists you know even by
comic-book standards this origin story
is pretty friggin weird Master Splinter
trained them as ninja and the group
formed a daring crime-fighting team but
every team needs a leader
Donatello did machines but technics man
Raphael was tough but way too hot-headed
and Michelangelo well we all know he got
dropped as a kid so the obvious choice
was the true-blue Leonardo DiCaprio yeah
close enough of all the turtles Leonardo
was the most studious and focused when
it came to splinters lessons and soon
adopted the principles of Bushido kind
of weird since that's a Zimmer and codon
he's a ninja
but whatever the modern tenets of
Bushido have evolved over the centuries
but it essentially boils down to eight
virtue righteousness courage compassion
respect honesty honor duty and
self-control all of which frankly
describes Leonardo to a tee aka he's
super dedicated to being a goody
two-shoes and he's a badass when it
comes to fighting
he's like the Bruce Lee of reptiles and
since he's a turtle Leo's got SuperSpeed
and super-strength I'm not sure the
science checks out on that one
I'd like to do some tests well I can
show you right now come here mr. snappy
wait why is your snapping turtle in the
booth with us hide your digits he's
gumming why is he getting closer we're
gonna have to stop here well Wiz learns
that I was very much right come back
next week and check out his opponent
that power ranger guy