how to move beyond limitations with one simple word
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damon here with NLP gym
one simple phrase to overcome resistance and that can be resistance within
yourself are gonna be resistance and other people and before I get into this
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so what is this magical phrase
well it's actually kind of comes down more to one single word in a very simple
word and this comes from milton erickson or the Milton model
Milton Erickson was a wizard at moving people beyond their limitations mainly
because he was so effective at moving himself beyond his own limitations
especially when it came to his physical health
so Grinder and Bandler modeled how you would do this and one of the ways that
he would do this was through a wall mainly through language in hypnosis and
they created the Milton model and this so this comes directly from the Milton
model and the word to boiling down to one word is the word if when you
encounter resistance with someone or an objection
a lot of times they're going to use words like I can't I shouldn't i
couldn't i must not those type of words and these words are called mobile
operators in the belt on the metamodel different than the melting model the
metamodel was the first model in NLP and it was based in language and when
somebody uses a word with some of those words but they're basically doing is
defining their map of reality their limitations in their map of reality we
don't experience reality directly weeks we create a map of reality through
distortion deletion and generalizations and we operate from this map now the map
is going to be limited as all maps are because the map is not the territory
reality being the territory and the map being how we create our understanding of
reality which is always going to be more limited
then reality itself like a map is always more limited than the actual territory
however a map is useful because we can just put in our back pocket and take it
on any time we want and we can find our way through something really fast rather
than having to sit in a territory and try to figure it out
so it's a quick way to get through reality make decisions and your mind is
all about taking shortcuts
unfortunately sometimes we create limitations for ourselves and the only
way that we can get out of those limitations is by using our imagination
so the word if when someone gives you throw your limitation they throw you a
modal operator say in sales you having a sales appointment in sales i would
highly recommend that you do this before somebody raises an objection when
somebody raises an objection in sales most of the time you're never gonna have
a much harder time
let me put it this way you can have a much harder time pulling the person out
of the objection
rather than heading the objection off before they fully form it in their mind
if you're a salesperson watching this I i know you know what it's like to be in
a cell's appointment and you just know that the person is not going to buy you
get that feeling that they're not interested you just know it and you feel
like you're you're talking on and you're not you're not really getting anywhere
but for the sake of being in the appointment you feel like you have to
finish it
what you can do at that point if he's starting to get the feeling that they're
not going to buy you can ask them if you were to buy this now I'm just curious
which option would suit you best
so there's a lot going on in that sentence so let's unpack it a little bit
first you want to do the DF if you were to buy now because this is so gentle
you're not telling them you're going to buy this and because you're going to buy
this I'm curious right now which option you going to take
if you said something like that even if the person was intending to buy they
might not want to because now you're telling them what they have to do and
most people don't like being told what to do
so you say if you were to buy and that if makes it so gentle and in order for
them to understand what you're even talking about they have to imagine this
so if you were to buy this now I'm just curious
the word now gets them to think about buying it now or - are there are you
saying now you're curious
this is what we call an ambiguity also in the melted model and the mind kind of
goes off in two different directions and because it goes off in two different
directions
comprehending both of these of the messages
it tends to open up your on your conscience and you have a direct
communication with the unconscious
so if you were to buy this now I'm just curious which option would suit you best
so you're presupposing that there is an option that suits them best
and in order for them to understand what you're asking them they have to imagine
which option suits them best and now they start to bring they bring on this
idea
are they trying it on that one of the options that you're presenting is
actually a the best option for them and they're starting to imagine having it
so this might not overcome the objection but it will certainly get you closer to
where you want to be and it will work sometimes
in fact it will work a lot of times now i'll say you're you're working with an a
an employee and and this happens with for me all the time
your employee has some limitation like you
they haven't you have the sales goal for them and they say you know what I can I
can't do that I can't hit that sells gold
my response to that would be what if you could or what would it be like it if you
did or imagine you've already achieved that sales goal and look back on that
and and notice what is it you had to do in order to achieve that
so there's a lot going on in these phrases that have to do with the melted
model but i really want to stress the yes
if you could if it were that way if you did what would that be like
so what you're doing is you're in you're asking them to employ their imagination
to imagine outside of the boundaries
they've created in their map of reality and this is so powerful because it's
your imagination
that's going to take you beyond your limitations so it's your imagination
that's going to take you would be on what's the logical or what most people
think it's possible one more example if you're coaching someone you know the
first thing you want to find out when you're coaching someone is what do they
want and you want to find out what's getting in their way
and what are they experiencing right now and I'll make suggestions about what
they should do
based on what they want and a lot of times they'll say well no I I couldn't
do that
my response is what if you did what would that be like if you didn't do that
so again you have your asking them to imagine outside of their map outside of
their boundaries now I've had people do that where I would say well you know
what if you'd heard they were just returned
you know what the same thing well no I couldn't do that and I'll just say well
no I understand you can't do that
so I'm pacing I understand you can't do that I just want you to think about if
you did what would that be like as soon as I start putting their mind there it
starts to seem a lot more possible and you can do this with yourself what is it
that you want to do you think now
ok I can do that are I wouldn't do that already know I want to do that but I can
what if you did and start to imagine now the reason why this works is because
you're in using the imagination
we can get very logical and are we can actually hold ourselves back by being
too logical when you use the imagination you get beyond logic and if you think
about some people who have done extraordinary things
the only way they got there was through their imagination because it probably if
it wasn't possible before like say the four-minute mile
you've got to imagine what that's gotta be light outside of what has actually
happened with nobody
prior to the first person doing it had ever done it so you have no reference
experience for that but you do have an imagination
I
Einstein said that you can't resolve you can't solve a problem at the same level
in which the problem is being created
so when you have a map a reality that is creating a certain problem for you
you're not going to find a solution within the same map
you have to expand that map and how you do that is by imagining possibilities
that are not currently within your map so you've got to get out of your head
you've got to get out of your map you've got to get out of your limitations and
that's what they mean by thinking outside of the box
you created a box for yourself that you call reality
the only way you're going to get out of that is by adding more choices to your
map and adding more possibilities to your map and making sure that your map
is a useful map and that it's also grounded in reality so you need to it
needs to be someone actually you can the other thing that Einstein also said is
that he would take his imagination over his skills over his intellect or any of
those things because is it was his imagination that was able to set him
apart as a genius
logic skills intellect all those things are going to get you so far they're very
very important if you want to go to the next level though it takes imagination
even athletes use their imagination when it comes to lifting weights that you
know they're they're not there is beyond what they thought was possible even long
distance marathon runners they start to I've heard that they actually imagine
that there's like colors of rainbows and there are running through clouds are
really almost sounds like flu summations but this is how they get themselves to
get to that next level
so using what if what if you did if if you could
what if you could if it were that way the word if very very powerful also
quite under used NLP
so start using it use it on yourself and use it on other people
speaking of overcoming resistance and obstacles and problems we have core
transformation coming up sep tember 16 seventeenth and eighteenth and that is
taught by Mark Andreas he is the son of the woman who created
Core transformation which is Connirae Andreas is his mother
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