i'm not religious but we all have
moments where we have no choice but to
pray
dear god if you don't let me get
pregnant then
i promise i would be a good person
i mean i i am a good person right now i
mean like obviously i'm not like the
best or like a saint or a martyr or
anything but you know i also don't kill
bugs
so like i'm not that terrible i guess
what i'm promising is like i will just
be
an even more better person
that's it that's your promise
you're just going to keep doing what
you're doing just slightly better
oh my god i mean you're the
god right yep yeah
and and as god almighty i gotta tell you
girl don't worry
you're not pregnant oh my gosh thank you
yeah having kids is rough
i can't even imagine do you have more
than the one
more than jc yeah yeah
and my vagina has never been the same
see that is exactly what i'm worried
about well you should be
oh it is
traumatized they don't tell you it's
traumatizing what happens on there and
sometimes they
full wave all the way back sometimes
can't you just like i mean i don't know
like magic
magic is that that's what you think i do
you think being
being god being mother is no it's not
magic okay
i birth you out and give you the
universe okay
and then i pray but to myself
so that everybody's gonna be okay but
i'm like this
glorified mother that everybody likes to
blame their problems
because you know i didn't even i didn't
even do the first biblical plague do you
know that it's wrong in the books
all i did was spill my wine in the nile
and then everybody got
oh
i gotta go deal with this just hold on
let me back up so i want kids but i'm
also
terribly afraid of everything that they
potentially represent will having kids
jeopardize my career will i now be seen
as unattractive and used up
because you know society tells you
you're only as good as your sexual
desirability when you're a woman
will i ever get a good night's sleep
again after having them and aren't mom
supposed to know everything
i'm not even close to knowing anything
much less everything i mean i just found
out last week that greek statues
originally had color
what the hell julie did you know about
this we've had
evidence since the 18th century that
ancient sculptures had color
but the marble white antiquity image has
been so deeply entrenched that it
remained
my entire limited knowledge of greek
history is a lie
guys this is like the time that i found
out pluto was a planet and i felt like
my whole universe was turned literally
upside down
i've been seriously questioning lately
like do i actually want kids
or am i just programmed by society and
biology to think that i want kids and if
it's not that programming
then is all of this coming from a
subconscious fear of what kids represent
in terms of consequences for my career
my sexuality and my identity
because my mind is like hell no you
don't want kids say goodbye to your
independence
say goodbye to your blossoming career
say goodbye to your health insurance
because if you're not acting for nine
months you won't meet those premiums for
sagging after
seriously that happened to my friend
who's now pregnant and uninsured
but my ovaries are like of course you
want to be a mom
you have four cats and 18 plants in your
house
you were made for this you love to love
just imagine
a kitten but it has no fur and it's got
your nose
and your partner's eyes and it looks up
at you
remember how i said it looks like a
kitten and so i did what i always do
i found a book regretting motherhood is
a collection of anonymous stories from
mothers who
regret it you know i wanted to read this
because every topic
i've seen about motherhood is always the
same narrative yes it's hard but it's so
worth it
you'll be exhausted but it's so
rewarding you'll change immediately and
permanently for the better
but let's be real the only reason that
narrative is so
pervasive is probably because saying out
loud that you regret having a human
being is a pretty hot take that nobody
wants to say
but if i want to have a real
conversation about whether or not
i should tackle motherhood personally
then shouldn't i hear all sides
shouldn't i be informed of the good and
especially the bad
i don't think anyone should tackle one
of the single most responsibility-based
tasks of raising a human being without
being fully aware
of what it entails and you know what i
don't want kids
not right now in the future i mean maybe
if i have a really fulfilling career and
i managed to find an amazing partner who
would also make a wonderful parent and
if i feel financially and emotionally
stable enough to raise a good person
in this global climate with all of the
things that are happening
that's a lot of ifs i'm hopeful i mean
kind of dating la's really hard but
you know in the meantime i just i have
cats
yes baby we get you some fish i'm anna
arcana and thank you to julie for being
in today's video please please please go
to julie's channel and watch some of her
fantastic content
she's a wonderful writer and actress i'm
gonna go ahead and put a link in the
description to one of my favorite videos
of her
so you have no choice but to watch and
you will not be disappointed
and thank you to squarespace for
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