As Kate Miller-Heidke gets set for the fight to win Eurovision in Tel Aviv
there's a bigger battle she's fighting. A battle to put an end to bullying. More
than a decade ago Kate wrote a song that's gone on to become an
anti-bullying educational resource used in schools but the thing is she's never
really talked about why.
At my regular primary school I think I was a bit much a lot of people to take
Kate, it's lovely to meet you! Who are you apologising to there?
To James, the whole story is is in the song.
Were you the bully or the one being bullied
I was never the bully but I was
definitely bullied and I also saw other people being bullied and didn't have the
courage to to step in and then later regretted it. It's amazing how that song
has reached so many people every time I play a show now I still get someone it
comes and tells me that they were James in school and that perhaps their actual
bullies have never apologised to them but to hear that apology from me in
that song somehow helped them to heal.
So to any teenagers watching this, you know, it gets better. in the song that one
In the song that won you the spot to represent Australia in Eurovision, 'Zero Gravity', you talked about
it being around you emerging from depression. What were you experiencing at
that kind of lowest point? I've gone through periods of anxiety and
I've gone through periods of anxiety and depression before but after the birth of my son my life had been
shaken to its foundation. Something that a lot of new parents, particularly new mothers, go
through. It sort of led me to feel very lost, like I'd lost myself as a person.
Do you remember that moment when you sensing yourself that you were in some way
someway losing your old identity? You're warned, people do tell you but
You're warned, people do tell you but it's impossible to comprehend what it's like until you have a child and
and you feel all of these extremely intense emotions. You know, one minute
you're just, your heart is bursting with intense love the likes of which you've
never experienced. In the next minute you're just like get me the fuck out of
here. I can't handle this, you know, for one second longer and I had this sense
that my life as I'd known it up to that point had been incinerated.
I don't want to sort of paint myself as an expert or, you know, the poster woman
for postnatal depression but along with that come the accompanying feelings of
guilt. Like you you shouldn't even be thinking these thoughts motherhood
supposed to be satisfying it's supposed to fill a hole that you never even knew
was there and physically you know my body wasn't the same and I was
struggling to sing and so all of those things were sort of compounding my sadness
I had to somehow start again like brick by brick.
And have you reconciled those conflicting emotions?
No, I would say I've learned to deal with them with more equanimity and obviously Ernie's a
bit older now so, you know, we have these like routines
He's nearly three. I think that's something I did struggle with, you know,
being a slight control freak in my life and then to suddenly be confronted
with this being. I couldn't control how much he slept, how much he cried, you know,
what he ate and it was just learning to surrender.
Speaking of surrender, do you remember that feeling of kind of pushing through the depression?
It's more of a gradual thing. I had to condense that feeling
into a three-minute pop song which you know erupts into ecstasy at the end.
The music that I've always been attracted to, that speaks to my soul, is
about a songwriter confronting their own flaws or their own shame. It might seem
like an intensely personal story to the writer but in fact that's what makes
people feel less alone is hearing that when identifying with that.
Are you happy with the Kate Miller-Heidke that you see in the mirror every day when you get up?
I feel confident and sure of myself than ever, for sure, you
know there's something about hitting your mid-thirties, I think, as a
woman that I do feel like I'm just yeah starting to hit my stride.
So you're at a good place? What does that feel like right now? Saying that?
Look, talking about myself has never felt easy. I feel so much more at home
singing about my feelings. - We could sing the interview if you like?
To feel like I have something to say and
to know how I want to say it this feels good.
It's been a pleasure chatting with you, thanks so much.
You too, Patrick.