Some of you have been asking, "How do I have more patience with my child?"
Vicki and I have some ideas that we're going to share with you with some
powerful tips. So, Vicki what are the chances that kids are going to try our
patience? -100%. -You think? It's going to happen so you're not alone.
And I think I want to remind you that you're not as impatient as you feel.
You're not as crazy as you're made out to be sometimes. -You know, sometimes I am
surprised when my kids think back. When I asked them about well how did you
experience this or that from me as a mom? Because I feel like in my mind I was really
impatient a good chunk of the time. And they don't remember it that way.
So, I think sometimes we're better at regulating those emotions turning into
behaviors than we think. But that being said, we do need a little help. And
everybody needs help with that. Do you remember before you had kids how patient
you were? How much you knew about child development and parenting? And it's... It's
kind of funny we tease our own kids a little bit now. That they're grown up and
they're raising our grandkids. How much they know about parenting. And you do.
I mean honestly, as you go into it. You don't even know what you don't know. And
you remember how patient you used to be. And then you had kids. And it's like, I
didn't know I had such a hair-trigger. Right? It brings it out. So, let's
normalize that for you a little bit. You're not as crazy as you feel. You're
not as impatient as you seem. You're probably handling things a whole lot
better than you feel like you are. Does that help a little? I hope we can just
throw you a bone there. Vicki, do you remember years ago we read a book
together called the knight in rusty armor. -It's just a small little book. We
loved it. -Quick little read. And there was a quote that stuck out in my mind. I
probably won't even get it completely accurate. But it was something like this:
The more we learn to accept rather than expect the less frustration and
disappointment we feel. -And I think one of the things that brought it about is
there in that story it talked about when a squirrel. Doesn't just shake its head
and get mad at the skies for raining. It just goes, "Oh, it's raining. The angles
about its business." -Right. -Because if you expect it to be perfect...
Perfect weather the very day you wanted to go out a picnic, then you've set
yourself up for a disappointment. -Right. Accept and expect sound very similar in
the English language. But they're very different words. And when our
expectations are unmet, we feel frustration. -And disappointment. -And
disappointment. And that can lead to anger. So, when we're developing patience,
adjusting our expectations is probably one of the most powerful things that we
can do. Because we can't always adjust our experience. In other words, it's going to
rain. Right? Your kids are going to do certain things. Their kids. That's what
kids do. If you expect that to happen you're going to feel a whole lot less
frustration. And we can equate that to a high level of patience. -Now, I'm just
going to throw this out there too. Expecting from ourselves as well. Okay? Becausea lot of
the times we're talking about bringing your expectations of what your
kids will or won't do at this point in to check. But I think we also need to do
that with our own emotions. So, if I lost my cool for a minute then I go, "Okay, I
lost my cool for a minute." -You mean when instead of if? -Yeah, yeah. That's true.
So, you just accept that you lost it for a minute and you process it and you
practice it in your head and you move on forward. One of the things I hear the
most with parents is how they're very... They've lost patience with themself for
being impatient. -Which gets really loopy. -But it's so common. And accept that.
Don't let it tip you over too much. Of course you're going to lose your cool from
time to time. Welcome to earth. That's how we roll here. Without letting that tip
you over. Adjust your expectations. Expect to blow it. Expect that your kids
are going to blow it too. And then you have a whole lot more patience when it
happens. Vicki, maybe we don't have to go here but I'm going to. I have to. -Okay. -All
right? What is your job as a parent? If you've been on this channel very long,
you know exactly what the answer to that. But if you're new here, heads up.
Your job is to love them no matter what and even if. -We've said it before, we'll
say it again. -Yes. We will continue to repeat that. The beatings will continue
until the moral improves. So, just... Sorry. But get your head wrapped around
this. Because as parents, we get deceived and tricked and sometimes deluded into
thinking our job is to make sure that they... (fill in the blanks). Whatever. Make
sure that they obey, for example. Make sure that they behave, make sure that
they're happy, make sure that they're safe, make sure that they... Make sure that
they... How frustrating could that be? Even though I may not know you personally, I'm
pretty darn sure that you are terrible at that job. You know, the one where you
have to make sure that they whatever. -I thought it's like the love job. I'm like,
"Wait, what?" -No. That one, you rock at. You've got that. I mean think about it. You do.
You love them, don't you? No matter what and even if? Even if they
disappoint you, will you love them? Got it. Even if they hate you? They'll throw that
at you. Occasionally, right? Are you going to love them anyway? Yes. See, you've got your
job. But the other one? Where you have to make sure that they behave, make sure
that they do this, do that, be happy, whatever. You're terrible at that job.
You're fired. -And that's always going to cause you
impatience. Because it's never going to happen on the timeline you think it
should happen if that's what's your agenda is. -Did you
hear me fire you just now? You're fired. That's not your job. Get back to your job
which is to love them no matter what and even if. Now, check it out. Psychologically,
when we make that shift in our mind, what happens to our patients? Magic! See?That's
why it's so important. But not only that. You'll show up differently for your kids.
And you'll be able to have a more profound influence on them because
you're focused on your job which is Vicki? Love them no matter what and even if.
-Love it. Yes. A little context.
perhaps. And Vicki, you know this about me. Because you've lived with me for how
long now. I get a little sappy. And I get nostalgic and my daughter laughs at me
because I cry in certain videos and stuff. And we're not going to get into all
that today. But here's the thing: Kids don't keep. They grow up and they
become adults. And they're not nearly as cuddly. They're still awesome. We love our
adult children. And you know what? Grandbabies are a really great reason to
not wipe out your kids, okay? Just saying. Vicki, I remember. You used to
have a plaque on the wall that had a little saying on it. Do you know what I'm
talking about? Early... Early in our marriage. I think
maybe about what our first child was born. -Yeah. -And it said... -You've got it here?
-Yeah. -I pulled it up. It says, "Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow. For
babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs. Dust go to
sleep. I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep." -Hmm. I think that... That just
kind of brings about that. They're... Everything that we're experiencing that
we're feeling impatient or frustrated about is going to pass. The time will
pass. And in the end, the most important thing is that relationship you've built
with your child. At the on the other side of time, where's your relationship? And so,
if you can kind of keep that in mind... That's what we harp over and over
again about the love. If their memory is the love, the majority of their memory is
the love. Then you will be at a place where you can feel pretty good about. And
you get to carry that piece into the years after your kids have grown up too.
Keep that in perspective. Because everything that we're dealing with is so
frustrating right now is in fact temporary. And the
relationships I think will carry the day. -Thank you for joining us. And for being a
positive conscious parent... -We have a great community of parents that are coming
together at the parenting power up. You can join us. Parentingpowerup.com is
the website. Come over there where we have some amazing resources for you
including a free training that you can get involved with.