-What is better than having -Nothing.
-Jerry Seinfeld here on Thanksgiving?
I'm happy to see you.
Thank you for coming back on the show. I'm psyched.
-Why do you say that... -You look great.
-..."Thank you for coming"?
Everybody wants to be on this show.
You don't have to thank anybody. -No, but --
[ Laughter ] -Everyone is dying to get on the show.
-No, but it's Thanksgiving, so, why not?
Give more thanks. -Oh, okay, that's nice.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
-I overthink everything. -Yeah. How's the family?
How are the kids? -Family's great.
Who do you want to know about? -Sascha.
-Sascha is -- she's in college.
-Oh. -So, you know,
so, she was the first one.
She's my oldest. -Yep.
So, she goes to college, first year, freshman year,
and everybody, you know, is like, "Are you okay, Jerry?
[ Laughter ] You know, your little girl left the house.
Are you okay?" -Yeah.
-And, you know, when you have a kid, see --
How old is your oldest? -Nine.
-Nine, okay, you're not close yet.
[ Laughter ] But when you have a kid --
You know, when you have a nine-year-old,
it's like a baby alligator.
It's like you have a baby alligator.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah. -It's a fantastic, fun little --
If you found a baby alligator, you'd put it in your tub.
All your friends would come over to check it out
and it would be, "Oh, my God! Look at this!"
And you'd, "Put your finger.
Feel those little teeth.
[ Laughter ] Baby alligator teeth."
And then some time goes by and you go,
"We got to get this thing the hell outta here."
[ Laughter ]
It's -- It got big.
It's too big.
[ Applause ]
-I never heard that analogy. -I feel -- I feel --
I feel nervous with this thing in the house.
[ Laughter ]
That's what happens with a kid.
It needs to be out there,
murdering and eating other things, yeah.
[ Laughter ] How are the boys?
-The boys are great.
My next one under that, I try to talk to him.
He's 17 and it's a little difficult
[ Laughter ] -Yeah. -communicating.
Whatever I say --
This is not a joke.
The alligator thing was a joke.
Laughter ] I don't --
I don't have a baby alligator. -Yeah.
-But this is just a-- This is what he says.
Whatever I say, he goes,
"You're not wrong."
[ Laughter ]
Which...
I mean, why would I say something thinking I'm wrong?
[ Laughter ] I mean, why are you telling me?
-You're not wrong. -You're not wrong.
[ Laughter ]
-That's all he says to you. -That's what he said.
Or I'll say, "Let's get Chinese food,"
and he'll say, "That's fair."
[ Laughter ]
How could it be fair or unfair? -Yeah. Wow!
-By the way, no Chinese restaurants in China.
You ever thought about that?
[ Laughter ]
-That's interesting. -No, they're not.
-They're not? -They're just restaurants.
-Just restaurants. That's exactly right.
[ Laughter ] -And...
nobody in China says, "Are you in the mood for Chinese?"
They don't ask that. -No.
[ Laughter ]
-They go, "Well, sure. Where?"
You know, they just go, "You hungry?"
Yeah, I could eat. That's what they say.
[ Laughter ] -"I could eat." -Yeah.
-What do you do -- -Wait a minute. They --
[ Laughter ] I looked this up, no.
[ Applause ] This --
No fortune cookies.
No restaurant in China
has a fortune cookie. -Why?
-It's not a Chinese restaurant!
[ Laughter and applause ]
It's just a restaurant. -I understand, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You understand? -Yeah, but the restaurants
should have -- -You have to leave China
-Uh-huh. -to go to a
-[Both] Chinese restaurant. -Yeah. In China,
they're just restaurants. -They just don't have them.
-They don't have fortune cookie. -It's a shame.
-Yeah. -They would be popular.
[ Laughter and applause ] -No, but you --
But what do you normally do for Thanksgiving?
Do you get the family over, do you watch
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. -a football game, you play cards,
what do you do? -No, I don't play cards.
[ Laughter ] -No. -No.
Do you play? You like --
You seem like the guy -- I've always known celebrities,
they like these card games.
-Be careful. -Poker.
-What? [ Laughter ]
What do I seem like? -You like --
You're the kind of guy that would hang out
with like famous people and play poker.
-You think I'm that -- -Remember Johnny Carson had
that poker game with Steve Martin and --
-Steve Martin, and, yeah, Lorne played it.
-Yeah. -Yeah, and these celebrities
would come and play cards with Johnny Carson.
-Yeah. -Big celebrity poker.
I -- I never really --
I mean, I would go -- you know, the people are cool
or they're people that you like, and they always --
they usually have those really little sandwiches.
-Yeah. -At poker game, they have
a little tiny sandwich. -Yeah.
-So I would go for that.
But this idea of trying to get each other's money,
you know, I have a pair of 3's.
You have a pair 6's. "Alright.
Take the money. Take it."
[ Laughter ]
Why wouldn't we have different cards?
Why is this important who got better cards?
[ Laughter ]
-Because it's just a game. -And they go,
"Oh, but it's how you play the cards."
I don't want to play the cards. The whole idea of...
-Lying to each other. -...lying, cunning, deceit,
perception, you have a tell -- your eye is twitching.
"You had a tell. I got your mo--"
How is this fun with friends? I don't understand.
-No one wins. -No.
I would go, "Just give me the little sandwich."
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
Hey, have you had a chance to check in
on Jay Leno, our friend?
-I talked to Jay yesterday. He's doing great.
-Yeah! That's it. [ Laughter ]
-Jay is doing great. -Happy to hear that.
-We wish him the best. -Wish you the best, Jay.
-Now, this is another true thing.
I get on the phone with Jay.
This is how crazy Jay is.
He's completely crazy.
He just -- He doesn't want sympathy.
That's -- you know, he's that -- -He really doesn't.
-You know how he is. He's such a -- he's beast mode.
He's like Marshawn Lynch.
-He really is beast mode. He's always -- Yeah.
-This is the exact conversation. I get on the phone with him.
The guy's in a burn unit. -Yeah.
-Okay. You call him, "Jay."
He gets on the phone. He answers the phone.
"Jay, how you doing?" He says, "I'm good."
He says, "How are you?" "I'm good"
He goes, "Did you hear? I heard there was a lot of snow.
Was there a lot of snow back East?"
[ Laughter ]
"Jay, you're in a -- Who cares about snow?!"
[ Laughter ]
-"Jay, you're in --" -Yeah.
"This is serious. You're in a hospital."
-"Yeah, you're in the hospital." "Yeah. Yeah, forget about you.
Let's get -- I had a snow plow,
and I got to put chains on." -"Why are walking about --"
-"No, Jay, let's --" -He hosted "The Tonight Show"
with a broken leg. Did you know that?
-No, I didn't know that. -This was in the '80s.
He got in a car accident and didn't care.
He still had -- wanted to do "The Tonight Show,"
had a job to do, hosted the show with a broken leg.
-That's what's great. He's the toughest guy in the world,
and he'll make a full recovery. -Yeah.
-He's gonna be great. -Good man, yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I want to talk about Jerry Seinfeld, the comedian,
but I also want to talk about Jerry Seinfeld, the model.
[ Laughter, audience "Oohs" ]
Whoa. -Where's Quest?
This is Quest I bumped into at a thing the other night,
and he thinks this is an avenue for me.
I need to do more of this. -Smooth Jerome.
-Smooth Jerome, he calls me. -Smooth Jerome.
-What do you call him? Smooth Jerome?
-Smooth Jerome. That's what I call him.
-I don't know what I'm doing here.
Why is this -- Why is this modeling?
They said, "Put these clothes on," and, you know...
-No, you look great. But what is it?
-It's Kith. -Yes.
-It's Kith clothing. -Kith -- How do you get
involved with Kith? -My kids know about it.
They said, "Dad, that's really cool clothes.
You should do this thing." [ Laughter ]
So I figure, "No one's gonna see this. I'll just do it."
-Oh, it's -- It was giant. -Yeah, it was big.
It was everywhere. -I know.
-But you could have a whole thing -- Smooth Jerome.
-Doing what? [ Laughter ]
-You're doing it now.
You can't stop doing it. You're just being you.
You're smooth Jerome. -The man who couldn't stop.
-You couldn't stop. The man who couldn't stop.
-Yeah. [ Laughs ]
-I want to write that. -Yeah.
Let's talk about "The "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee Book."
I'm so excited that you put this out.
It is not only some of the funniest comedians
that you ever could think of saying the funniest things,
but also some great behind-the-scenes stories
about how this came to be.
How did the first one start? It was you and Larry David?
-The first one started with my friend Barry Marder.
We were driving around one time, and I said,
"You know, this is such a funny conversation.
I wonder if this is a show."
Because I think these -- this idea, I don't know.
I don't know what this is.
Why don't we just cut to the jokes?
You know? It's like these talk shows,
and people walk out to music.
[ Laughter ]
-Yes. -Why?
Why do we need all of this?
-No, that's a great part of the show.
People love this. -I come out and I --
Why not just cut -- Cut.
Cut the video,
and then I'll go right into the alligator bit
right from here.
-No. -No?
-So at the beginning of the show, when I walk out, that's...
-Do we need it? I don't know. Do we really need it?
[ Laughter ]
-So "The Tonight Show" just begins --
-Yeah.
It begins with the alligator bit.
Or the, you know -- the electric knife and...
-Yeah, we'll do that bit. -And the turkey bit.
We'll do that bit.
So, my idea was, conversation is good.
This is before the whole podcast explosion.
I don't really understand how people like 2 hours of that.
-Yeah. You like editing.
-Cut everything. Cut it.
Cut that, too, by the way.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That was amazing. Aah! Gosh.
I was waiting. I knew -- Alright.
I'm working on it. Alright? Yeah.
-You know what? It's a stand-up thing.
Stand-up comedy is like -- I have a lot of funny ideas.
Just give us the funniest ones.
We don't want to hear anything else.
-Edit. -Edit. Edit everything.
-Edit a conversation. -Right. Edit your closet.
-Yeah. -Edit your life.
-Yeah. -Edit everything down.
-And then so you did that, and then it wasn't even on --
It was before streaming or any of the stuff, when you were --
-Yeah, I just put it on the Internet,
and I just put it on a website and I just left it there and...
-It just grew from there. -Yeah.
-We did -- One of my favorite memories of my life
was hanging out with you. We did --
We were in a great car that kept breaking down, by the way.
Do you remember that? -The car?
Oh, The Corvette broke down. It a '54 Corvette.
-And people thought it was the funniest thing,
watching Jerry Seinfeld stall in the car.
-Yeah, I got very frustrated. Yeah.
People were like, "That's Jerry Seinfeld.
He can't start the car!"
Old women were laughing at us.
-But then we got to go in my Boston Whaler.
The world's greatest boats. -Yes.
-Boston Whalers. -I ended up getting --
-And you got one because you loved mine.
-Yes. I got it because I was in that thing.
And I go, "This is unbelievable. Do you use it?"
And you go, "I like this."
-Yeah. I have a 13-foot Boston Whaler.
You know those little boats?
It's the Unsinkable Legend, is their brand --
is the hook for their brand. -Yes.
-Because you can cut a Boston Whaler into pieces,
and it still floats. -Which I plan to do.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
And then I thought, "He's the unsinkable legend."
You know how he has this amazing,
unnatural enthusiasm every night?
He's -- Every night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
You are the unsinkable legend. -No, you are.
You are the greatest. Thank you.
You always give you a good nickname every time you come on.
-Yeah. -Yeah. The Unsinkable Legend
is what I'm gonna go with this time.
-Right, or the White Snow Leopard.
-Snow Leopard was a different one.
Guys, "The Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee Book"
is out right now.