Jon Bernie: I think "being here" should be more highly rated.
Being somewhere else is usually what's rated highly.
Being somewhere else, being someone else, having something else--those are all things that are rated highly.
It's very radical to think that you might actually be
complete right now.
It's really...it's...un-American. [laughter]
What would happen to the economy? [laughter]
Basically we'd be [bleep]. [laughter]
"Eh, I don't really need to buy that; I'm ok right now."
"I don't need to go there; I'm fine right here."
I can see this is going to be a real problem.
Enlightenment is going to become illegal. [laughter]
It's subversive, let's face it.
I'm rolling up my sleeves now. [laughter] I have no idea why!
Participant: It's warm!
Jon: I guess so...maybe that's it... let's take this off; it's too hot....
[Audience and Jon are laughing on and on]
[Jon sighs]
Jon: Any questions? [wild laughter]
[Jon sighs again; giggles continue...]
[various audience giggles set off others laughing again]
Jon: I'm not going to do a bunny [puppet] I promise.
I mean I could... Participant: Do it! Jon: No. [laughter]
Jon: This is too small...
It's just getting a little sweaty....
[everyone starts laughing again]
Do people still have handkerchiefs?
[laughter tapers off]
[Jon sighs, then silent space]
It really is hard to talk about nothing! [laughter]
[audience member is stifling a laugh]
Oh, you know, it's just an excuse for sitting around.
Well, I'm glad you could be here.
If you're here. [laughter]
You know, if you're not here
you might ask yourself about that...
like, where are you? [laughing]
What are you doing? What are you trying to get?
What are you trying to understand?
What are you trying to hold on to?
What are you trying to get rid of?
[Jon laughs] Ok.
You dragging that U-Haul around again? [laughs]
I could tell.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's good to ask yourself
if you're not just here, where are you?
Like, some of you might remember the Fireside Theater [in San Francisco].
Like "The Committee"-- I used to go see the Committee Theater here in the city
when I was a teenager.
They were up on Broadway. Really funny.
Improv group.
Fireside Theater I think had an album that said, "How can you be in two places at once when you're no where at all."
I thought that was really funny.
But I'd say, be nice to yourself if you're not here.
Yeah. You know, be nice to yourself, like
you know, it's okay not to be here. [some laughter]
It's okay to be somewhere else.
As long as you're enjoying yourself.
But if you have a moment,
over the next couple of hours, you might try
arriving.... and allowing yourself to become
embodied.
Allow your awareness to
fully permeate your whole nervous system.
And also your
amorphous emotional realm, body,
and even your mind--your thought-generator.
That's also part of the mystery and the miracle.
Even though it might be presently a torture chamber.
I know mine used to be.
Our minds are, you know,
just trying to be helpful.
Aren't they? No? Yours isn't? Ok. [laughter]
Thorazine. Have you tried Thorazine? Just kidding.
[laughter]
Molokai? [Hawaiian island] Yes? Ok.
So let yourself relax if you're wound up.
And bring yourself ... right ... here.
Just call yourself home.
You know?
Drop your mind into your breath
and let the breath just breathe you.
And then let your light shine.
Let the awareness that you are
awaken, and expand and deepen.
If it's present. If it's in your awareness.
If it's conscious, I mean.
You might even notice your heart opening, connecting.
And there might be a deep sense of just peace, and harmony,
connectedness, ease.
It's just being here.
That's what being here is.
Complete. And...
fulfilled.
And that's why we come here, I think,
to reconnect to that
groundedness, that openness.
That full-heartedness and radiance.
And allow all the other stuff to just percolate off the system.
Then the mind gets quiet.
The body relaxes.
The heart opens up.
And the spirit shines.
Then life is an amazing, wonderful miracle, right now.
And that essence that we are, that
presence, that aliveness that we are
permeates everything, is everything.
And we realize,
not intellectually, but through the marrow of our bones--we realize
that we are that.
Pure aliveness.
And it's the purpose and meaning of life,
outside of the realm of
intellectual conceptualization and understanding.
Beyond all belief.
Freedom.
And as you're here, sitting here tonight,
invite yourself to
let go.
To just ... let go.
Of whatever may be held onto.
Or whatever may be struggling
with what is.
To invite yourself to let go.
To release the grip.
To venture into the
intimacy
of this mystery.
And let your body
release whatever it needs to release,
your heart to unwind whatever it needs to unwind,
your mind to let go of whatever it's gripping onto.
So you can be awake,
meaning, completely here,
without any projection onto reality.
Without any conclusions
about what's happening, or what you're feeling,
or what anything means.
Dropping all conclusions.
Letting go of all of them.
Just for awhile.
Put them aside.
And let yourself relax and be at ease.
And put down the burden of solving the worlds problems.
The fixing everything, and getting everything done on the to-do list.
Just put it all down. Right now. Right here.
Lay down your burden ... now.
Ok?
This environment is supportive
of being unburdened.
It's like a psychic microwave
if you're listening deeply without thinking.
If you're not "in control,"
then you might actually hear what's happening.
So... lovely to be back here at
the very special Quaker Center.
I've loved coming here for the last
seventeen years now about?
The neighborhood's gone through a few changes ... [laughter]
still evolving in its way, I guess.
And uh...
but it's very quiet here.
I've always loved the quiet.
Surprisingly quiet, considering where we are the city
and there's good energy here.
Good for our letting go and becoming free.
So I'm so glad to see you and so glad you could come.
Participant [sighs]: Hi! Jon: Hi!
Jon: Nice to see you. P: Nice to see you too. Jon: Thank you.
P: So, since last Saturday's intensive...
Jon: That was fun, wasn't it?!
J: Did you have a good time? P: [whew!] J: Wasn't that a blast?
P: Things have changed a lot for me since that day. Jon: Oh, I'm so glad.
P: So... I guess I just want to check in with you... Jon: Sure.
P: ...after that experience and ....
P: Yeah, [sighs] I'm ...
I feel very disoriented. I told you then I don't understand how people function
with now the feeling of space. Jon: How long has it been, like two weeks ago, a week ago?
P: That was Saturday, the intensive. Jon: Ah well, it takes awhile to integrate transformation usually.
P: So, like ten days. The next day I woke up and said I wonder if it's still there?
P: Or did I go back to... [laughing]...feeling different?
P: And then I realized, "Ok, I'm still feeling...open and...
awake, or whatever you want to call it, and....
Jon: Ah-huh. P: So I kept checking in here and there because my life is very busy.
P: So, and... [sigh] I looked at some videos, like
"Life After Awakening" and stuff like this, trying to understand what's happening--
how to integrate what I'm going through.
P: I feel very spaced out.
P: I'm sometimes worried when I drive, like can I still...
P: So, I don't know, it's this ... and now I feel....
P: It was also interesting. I came home and since then the worries are gone.
There is no more...I have not once worried about my son's health and
Jon: Wow. P: I mean, it was amazing. J: That is amazing.
P: Not once I worried about... what's going to happen.
P: I just can't believe...something major happened ... so it's just, um ....
P: And I'm still feeling it out. I'm trying to ... ride the wave--where it's going,
and then there's parts of me that feel, "Ok, wow, so this kind of opened up and
there is still something stuck here, heart-wise." J: Ok. Yeah.
P: And there's this urge of wanting to burst open, but I guess it will takes it's time.
J: Right. P: So, right now I'm still trying to, I guess, I wanted to check in because
I'm still feeling so spaced out.
P: I just can't integrate this right now. J: Yeah. I got it. P: You know what I mean? J: Yeah, I do.
P: So, that's all. Jon: Well let's sit together.
Jon: Yeah, I remember the first time we met. Wasn't it--
I was sitting in for Adya wasn't I? [Adyashanti] Up in San Rafael? P: That's right.
J: And you came and talked about your son? P: My son, yeah. J: I remember; very moving.
P: My son, yeah, he was diagnosed with leukemia a half a year ago... yes, I'm going through chemo with him now, so.
J: Huge. P: So. J: Well, it's nice to have you closer now and right here and sitting.
P: Ah-huh. J: Instead of standing.
J: So let's sit together a little bit.
J: And I'd like you to put your hands on your knees--that's it.
J: Because what I'm sensing and what you're really describing
in terms of a balance or needing a balance is really in, what I would call, grounding. P: Hmm.
Jon: And to be able to integrate what's been happening with you
grounding is essential. P: Ah-huh.
Jon: So, you want to bring awareness through your whole structure, your skeleton.
J: Your nervous system, your tissues. That's better.
Jon: There you go. See? You feel the difference?
P: Ah-hmmm. Jon: That's what's needed.
J: So that then the opening & the transitioning & all the clearing--the stuff that needs to keep moving--can, will.
J: Ok? If you are spaced out, it means you are out of your body.
P: Oh, I see. Jon: Ok? P: That's what I feel a lot.
J: Now, a lot of people think, "Oh, I'm going to be enlightened and I'm not in my body anymore."
J: Wrong. [laughs] Well, if that is the case--some people do go that route but, it's problematic usually.
P: Hmmm. So, you know, I don't have a lot of time to sit at home... Jon: That's alright.
P: But I have the urge, because I have two kids to take care of so.... J: I know.
Jon: I'm not talking about...I'm not defining...a kind of...
what am I saying here....
J: Just right now... there you go.
J: See, any moment when you're walking,
when you're sitting....
J: See, you're getting it right away.
J: Separate your hands. Good. Do you feel how you're getting it?
P: Yeah. Jon: Yeah, ok. I'm just entraining
what I mean, to you, right now. Not verbally, but energetically.
J: So you really get what I'm talking about.
J: So it's not whether you sit a certain amount or not, or whether you do a sitting practice.
J: That could be very helpful if you have the time but,
you could also just do it when you're eating
and when you're with your kids. P: Ah-huh.
J: And when you're walking. It could be anytime.
P: Actually, sorry to interrupt. Jon: Go ahead, yeah yeah. P: It's interesting
when I interact with them I don't feel it so much. Only when I'm no longer speaking or doing stuff.
P: Then I feel this.... Jon: Well let that happen, let the expansion happen.
J: Yeah, let the expansion happen but it's also good to have groundedness.
J: So that you have a balance.
J: The old way of saying it would be between heaven and earth.
P: [laughs] Jon: Seriously. P: Yeah, I feel like that...
J: This is--we are also part of the earth, you know?
J: Literally. P: Ah-hmm. J: We are made of the earth.
Jon: And of infinite energy.
J: There you go. Good! See?! You're just getting used to this. It's going to take some time. P: Yeah.
J: That's nice. Now let yourself be this right now. See? What a difference.
J: Feel the difference. P: Ah-hmmm. J: Fantastic.
J: And you're right. There is more wanting to move here--I can sense.
J: And if you're spaced out, this ain't gonna move.
P: Oh! I see! [laughs] J: I don't think so.
P: Well, I have tried--I did a lot of Vipassana, sensations, those things....
J: Yeah yeah. I got that. P: So, I move my attention more
to the chest--I feel it's working here--something... J: Ah-huh... P: but....
Jon: You can't push it. P: Exactly. So, I just like, there I am....
J: But when you ground and you get very still...
this kind of stillness is absolutely pristine.
J: It's what they mean when they say sit still. They don't mean force yourself to be still.
J: It's... BE the stillness.
Which is infinite presense.
J: And in That, what's buried here, what's been encrusted in here
and there's, whatever, yeah that's right.
That will just start to just bubble out.
However it does. Energetically, emotionally, however it does. Ok?
J: So you want your vehicle, you want this temple,
this sacred temple called body,
to really be completely awake.
J: That's why Buddha taught mindfulness practice as a beginning practice.
That was the whole point.
J: Yeah. P: Sorry, I just...questions are coming...
P: How to say that, um....
P: Awhile ago, I had a different kind of
awakening experiences. [sic] They lasted just a few minutes. And one of them was this
amazing love radiating sun.
J: Isn't that nice? [laughter]
P: And I heard Adya talking about the three stages: mind, heart and gut [awakening] or something.
P: And when I listened to it, I was like, I understand what I experienced--just trying to intellectually understand it.
J: Ah-huh. P: Where, the gut one, I had it at the very, like 15, 18 years ago. J: Ah-huh.
P: Where the whole existence just exploded. I didn't exist anymore--the sense of me existing.
And then I had this heart thing. And I feel like now, according to his description, it's this mind thing.
P: So, I'm just curious. Will it all integrate at some point? Or...
Jon: Don't try to squeeze your experience into some description.
J: Every person's trajectory is unique for them.
J: You're at a place now where you are beyond all descriptions.
J: Just let it unfold.
J: You know, I'm just trying... P: Still my mind... J: Yeah yeah yeah, I know.
P: I'm trying to understand it intellectually.
J: Yeah, I'm not sure that's going to help.
J: It might actually get in the way.
P: I guess it keeps referring to experiences and now this is an experience so somehow...
J: No, there's something else going on here though that I want to bring you back to, because you sort of
tripped out on that. I don't know if you noticed that. But let's come back again.
P: Yeah. J: Ok? I just want to hone you back in, to the infinite here.
J: That's it.
J: That's good. Separate your hands again. P: Ok. J: Yeah.
J: So you don't cross your channels. That's good.
P: [exhale]
J: Just don't push the river at all.
The heart will open when it's ready.
Whatever needs to come will come.
You don't have to worry about it. P: Ok.
P: Thank you. J: No, let's sit a little longer, a little longer, unless you want to go. P: No no.
J: I'd like you to sit a little longer. P: I just don't want to take up too... J: Oh, don't worry about that.
J: It's...everyone, if they are tuned in, is getting this, ok? P: Ok.
J: This is for everyone here. ... That's right. Good. P: [deep breath]
J: Hmmm. Ok.
J: And, my sense is, you may not be ready to feel some of this yet.
And that's okay. P: Ah-hmm.
J: We're ready when we're ready. When we are, it will happen.
And if we're not, just be patient and...
that's better.
Nice. See what the difference...
J: Yeah. Awww. P: Hmmmm.
J: Awww. It's a lot.
J: There's a lot.
P: I can tell there's a huge... J: Yeah... P: ...guarding.
J: Hey, you know, we're human! It's ok.
P: It's even, you know, with my son, getting... fearing to loose him...
J: Yeah. P: I've noticed I started to
contract, being afraid to love him.
J: Yeah. P: This whole love.... J: Yeah, this is why I want
J: This is exactly why you want to clear this... P: And I know it's coming at some point.
J: Yeah, just let it keep happening because it will only bring you two
profoundly closer through however this happens. P: [sighs] Yeah.
J: It's really good to see you and be with you.
P: Thank you. J: Yeah. You're welcome. You're welcome.
Jon: Hey! P: Hi!
J: Welcome! Are you back? P: [laughing} I'm just so happy to be here!
J: It's good to see you! Wow. It's been a long time.
J: You've been way in the northland, haven't you?
P: I know. We built, like, a 15 foot snowman in Canada.
J: Wow. wow.
P: And, I wanted to come tonight, but I had so much grief around
saying goodbye to everybody here and.... J: Ah-huh.
J: Just let that come up. [P: crying] J: Just let it come up.
[crying]
[deep breath]
[sniffs]
P: My mom says hi by the way. J: Oh thanks! Give her my love, would ya? [P: laughing]
J: How's she doing? P: Umm, she's, in some ways she's really well.
P: Um. J: Good.
P: She...got diagnosed with breast cancer. J: Oh.
P: Right around when I got home. J: Aww. I'm sorry.
P: Thank you.
P: So that's been...[deep breath] ... a deepening. J: Yeah.
P: For sure. J: Yeah.
J: Well, I've thought about you a bunch and wondered how you were doing. P: I know.
J: It's so good to see you.
P: It's so good to see you too.
J: Nice.
J: Well, I can see it's been good for you to go up there, huh?
J: Yeah. Somethings different. Wow. P: Yeah.
J: Very nice.
[P: deep breath]
[silence]
J: Hmmm.
P: [laughs] I missed your humor. [Both laugh.]
J: Wow. It's so beautiful to see you now. It's been awhile. I don't know how long you've been
up in Canada, but, you know, it keeps growing.
It's so beautiful to see people over time, just continually
blossoming.
How this stuff works
despite our resistance. P: Yeah.
J: Despite our trying to get it to work. P: Yeah.
J: Our trying to get it to work, for the most part, is in the way. P: Yeah.
J: Mostly in the way.
J: It's working.
P: Yeah. J: We don't see it sometimes because we're so caught in our struggle or in
seeing things the way we think they are, which isn't how they are.
P: Yeah, I've had a lot of that. J: But you come here and this is like a reality check.
J: Truly a mirror.
Of the reality that we are.
That's what the teaching really is--
is a wake up to being reflected back to our true self.
That's how this works. So.
[P: deep breath] J: Yeah.
J: So much more fullness here. Wow.
J: It's great strength actually. Real strength.
P: Yeah, there's something about
death that just, uh...worrying about death... J: Ah-huh.
P: Um...there's more Presence.
J: Yeah. P: Even though it's like, maddening.
J: The preciousness of every moment.
J: That's right.
J: See, you are really here.
J: [in a whisper] yeah, it's beautiful.
P: I'm glad that we still have you.
J: Oh, well thanks. Yeah, I'm doing good.
My surgeon said he thinks I'm cured. So.
J: You know? It's a blessing to be here.
Each moment.
Because we know, at some point,
it's going to be something else. P: Yeah.
J: Just let that come up. [P: crying]
P: It's like this weird happy-sad cry. J: Yeah.
J: Very real. [P: deep exhale]
P: Thank you so much. J: Thank you.
J: It was so good to see you. P: Good to see you.
J: Give your mom my love and best wishes for everything, ok? P: I will. Thank you. J: Yeah.