Alright you FUCKMAGGOTS
WELCOME TO TRAIN SCHOOL
The first rule of train school is: Always stand behind the yellow line.
The second rule of train school is: There are no rules!
What about the first rule?
Ow!
The third rule of train school is: Anyone who interrupts me gets a copy of Train Simulator 2012™ IN THE FACE.
Now, if you think train school will be a walk in the park,
then you are a psychedelic retard.
Uh, ma'am, are we being a bit dramatic for a school where we learn how to drive trains?
Oh, I see we have a smartass here.
Do we have a name, smartass?
It's… It-It's Takayama.
Well, Mr. Takayama The Train Expert.
You look like the kind of guy who thinks taking a woman out means getting some flowers,
wining and dining her, and then
PISSING ALL OVER HER NAKED BODY.
Are you a pisser, Mr. Takayama?
What?
Are. You. A. Pisser, Mr. Takayama?
What?
You think all you need to do is pull a lever to make a train move‽
You think you can just log 15 hours into Train Simulator and be ready to to go‽
yes?
Ow!
Well THERE, go and practise pulling some levers until you can jack off a god damn bull.
For everyone else, let's drive some motherfucking trains!
♪ train simulator bitch, motherfucker what you know ♪
♪ train simulator bitch, watch that train go ♪
♪ I pull up to the station, yeah, I'm on time ♪
♪ stacking mad chicks when they hop on my line ♪
GURL DAYUM
Girl Damn
Girl Dammnn
GIRL DAAMNN
girl DAYUM
GIRL DAMN
What are you guys doing?
The new issue of Train Mag just came out and
GUURL DAMNN!!
Girl, damn!
Gurl dauunnmmm
Girl!
Damn, girl ;–)
STOP IT!!
GIRL DAAAMNNN!!!!
Damnnn girl
GIRL, GIRL,
Yo Damn. Girl.
I HAVE A MASSIVE COCK.
Ok, so I know you've all just graduated from train school;
but I've called you here because there are some things about your new jobs we have to go over.
Firstly,
Sakurai, I've had some complaints about you being overly violent at work.
Yoo, I don't know what you're talkin' about!
Hold me back, HOLD ME BACK.
THAT BASTARD GAVE ME THE LOOK!
I'LL FUCK HIM UUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!!
So I get a little heated sometimes.
You shot that mannequin 127 times in the dick.
I'll shoot YOU in the dick if you don't SHUT UP.
Speaking of which, Takayama.
I know parking space is low, but please find somewhere else to park your car.
Yeah, where do you park your car?
Oh, it should be…
somewhere around.
And lastly!
Not gonna name any names,
Shou.
But whoever keeps taping a giant spliff to the front of the train to make it look high…
Please stop.
It does not look funny.
[train voice] I'm so fucking high, man.
Now, if any of you have nothing else to discuss,
Actually, I
Let's all get to work!
Whatever our jobs are.
Hello, can you please tell me where the bathroom is?
Oh, sure ma'am. Let me just
Whoa, wait, wait.
I got this.
HELLO, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
I'M TAKAYAMA. TA-KA-YA-MA.
WATASHI WA TAKAYAMA DESU.
Yeah, speak another language. That'll help her understand you.
ARE YOU FEELING UN-DAIJOUBU?
DO YOU NEED ME TO MAKE YOU FEEL KIMOCHII?
She's old, not retarded, you idiot.
Well sumimasen, Sakurai-kun.
I know how to handle old ladies.
I-I think I just pooped my pants.
I don't think you have ANY idea how to do your job.
Yes, I can feel it dripping down my leg.
Says the person that wears a skirt that looks like it's crawling up her ASS
You know what? Us girls are gonna do our own thing elsewhere.
And you better take back about what you said about my ass.
Nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom
?
Stop looking at your erection.
I FUCKING HATE PENISES.
I mean men.
I hate men.
God, they are all assholes.
Is all their assholeishness contained in their penis or something?
Ah yes, I remember when I used to have a penis.
It was a bit dangly and the pee went everywhere.
But I could play lightsaber with it!
And at least I had instant hand warmer whenever I needed one!
I choked on a banana once.
That's adorable, darling.
Your cakes A̶ŔÉ͞.̕̕ ̛H͞͡͡E̡͏R͟͏E̡̛.
Um, excuse me,
I think my cake has a fly on it.
ǪH̛,̡ I̸'̶LL҉ GE̡T ̡T͡H̕Ę ̕B̧U͢G̢ S̴PR̴AY.
wait.
AA͞H̡
you don't need to–
AA͞H̡H̡
A̵AHHFAHSD͏LF͞ADS͏
[crying noises]
Takayama?
Yes, Shou?
What is this?
I think it's a kid.
[more crying noises]
Wh-Why is it making that sound?
I don't know.
Well, it's annoying.
I know!
Make it stop!
I don't know how!
T…Try asking it!
Hey, hey kid.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
I think it's upset.
I know!
I have an idea!
DO IT!
I'LL DO IT!
WHAT IN THE WORLD?
THAT ALWAYS WORKS!
WHAT DOES IT WANT?
I DON'T KNOW!
SING IT A SONG!
I CAN'T SING!
SING ANYWAY!
WHAT DO I SING?
OH GOD, ANYTHING!
3, 6, 9, DAMN SHE FINE,
NA NA NA NA NANA
ONE MORE TIME
GET LOW, GET LOW, GET LOW, GET LOW, GET LOW,
TO THE WINDOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
What are you both doing?
Oh thank god. Haruka, how do we make this kid stop?!
That son of a bitch.
I don't get it. Why do girls have an easy time dealing with everything?
Maybe it's cuz she's got those two bombs under her chest.
Nah man, I think YOU'RE the bomb!
Nah man, YOU da bomb!
No, YOU da bomb!
You da bomb!
No. You da bomb!!
We BOTH da bomb!
There's a bomb on this platform.
…What do you want us to do about it?
Defuse it?
You're not serious, right?
Are we seriously doing this right now?
Can you shut up for a second? I'm trying to concentrate.
Please tell me you know what you're doing.
I have a basic understanding of electronics, and besides,
in the movies, it's always the choice between the red and blue wire!
So we just have to look for those.
There's no red and blue wire.
THERE'S ALWAYS A RED AND BLUE WIRE!
Well I'm sorry the terrorists weren't kind enough to put a big fat label next to their wires saying:
"Hey, if you wanna defuse this bomb, please cut this god damn wire here!"
Ok, ok, shut up!
At this point, I know I only have one wire left to cut.
Is it this one?
That's a ground wire.
Well how about this one?
That's still the ground wire.
This one?
Are you just pointing to random wires?
Oh, I'm sorry. I must have missed the bomb defusal class in
TRAIN DRIVING SCHOOL.
IF WE SURVIVE THIS, YOU'RE GETTING A BULLET IN THE DICK.
WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THREATENING TO SHOOT ME IN THE DICK?
Hi guys. Is there anything I can
NOT NOW, HARUKA!
Okay you know what. Screw it.
Eenie meenie miney –WHOAWHOAWHOA.
MO!
FUCK!
OHMYGODOHMYGOD –SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
I'M TRYING TO
Wait a minute!
If the ground is this wire and main lead connects to the timer here,
and this lead connects the bomb to the timer, then…
[GASP]
I figured it out!
What? What is it!?
Alright, I need you to hold the bomb up here.
Got it!
Now, whatever you do, don't let the bomb drop.
Understood.
So what happens now?
I don't know but sucks to be you!
Well. Thanks for nothing, bitch!
Don't worry, I'm still here.
I'm going to see if I can find help.
You wouldn't leave me, right?
Ahaha, fuck you fgt you're on your own.
She's not coming back, is she?