- [Ryan] Jesus was so badass. He was like the king of calling
out bullshit. People were like, "Hey, you can't talk to Samaritans."
Jesus was like, "Bullshit."
I was brought up in a system, Evangelical
Christianity, where this was the cardinal sin. You don't do this. "But Jesus,
they're categorically unclean and our holy book tells us so." He's like, "Bullshit,
I'm going to go talk to a woman Samaritan in broad daylight at the well."
My name is Ryan from EastLake Community Church and this is the time we changed
our mind. We started in my house. For the first couple years,
things were moving so fast and we were growing by hundreds of people a week.
♪ [music] ♪
When it came to the conversation around the LGBT community and church policy or
what does the Bible say about homosexuality, I always felt awkward
about it. I didn't want to bring it up.
♪ [music] ♪
I felt like I needed to scare people
into believing the right thing, because the God who loves them is going
to send most of human history to hell. Like, that's the good news?
Sounds pretty shitty.
- [Christina] My name's Christina Cobb and I do music here at EastLake Church.
Yeah, we're just great friends. We're best friends.
Ayla brought up a
question of, "What have you never told anyone?" And I immediately shut down.
What the answer was for me was that I've had attractions to the same sex.
♪ [music] ♪
I just couldn't take it anymore. I told Ayla that we needed
to tell someone. I don't know what's going to happen. I might lose my job.
And I was just really...it's so fearful. I didn't need to be, though, luckily.
Some people, their fears make sense.
- She pulled me aside and was like, "Hey, I need to tell you that I'm dating Ayla."
I was like, "That's amazing. How wonderful.
Beautiful." But she was crying, and eventually, I realized she was saying,
"Look, I'm assuming this is my last day working here." And that moment
of realizing that I had been part of a system who had someone who I loved that
much terrified that, relationship aside, this was a categorical, "You're out."
And my heart broke. And I just realized I had been a coward for too long.
♪ [music] ♪
Frankly, I thought it would kill the church immediately. You don't get
death threats? That's just me? Okay, lucky me.
♪ [music] ♪
I took so many sit-down meetings
where people with their open Bible would be like... At some point still,
I just had to look at them and go, "I can tell this is hard on you."
Like, I don't have a problem with anyone in the LGBT community. And in fact,
I think we've all remained perpetually immature.
♪ [music] ♪
Hell is knowing your truth and
lacking the courage to live it. I don't care if the Bible says,
"Gay people suck." The Bible is pro-slavery, both in the Old Testament and
the New Testament. It doesn't have a very great view of women leading and teaching.
I have lots of things I disagree with about the Bible. If you want to go further
on the journey, you have some unloading to do. It was decided. It fell from the sky,
and now, we got to run it like a manual for how to run the Earth,
how to legislate morality. And that's not what it is.
If we need to consult an ancient book to know what to do when a human being is
in front of us, I think we're screwed already.
♪ [music] ♪
So whether EastLake makes it or
we die in four months, it doesn't matter to me.
Because the legacy of a faith community that's healthy is changed,
transformed people who are just a little bit further along in their journey and I
know we've got that.
♪ [music] ♪
- [Male 1] I'll start. What did you think?
- [Female 1] What did you think?
- [Male 2] What did you think?
- [Male 3] What did you think?
- [Male 4] What did you think when I told you I was gay?
- [Male 5] Thought you were kidding.
♪ [music] ♪
- [Male 6] I didn't think anything, because I knew it and I just needed you
to tell me it.
- [Male 7] I felt relieved. I wasn't, like, dumbfounded, shocked
and surprised.
- Did you have any fears after I told you I was gay?
- Yes. Well, not fears of you, just fears for you about people accepting you
outside of your house.
- I think society has progressed an awful lot, but naturally, I had fears for you
for being a victim of discrimination.
- Were you scared to tell me you were gay?
- I was petrified. I had known I was going to be in the city for two nights and I had
plans if you guys didn't want me to stay in the house with you anymore.
- I can't believe you felt that way.
- When did you first know I was gay, if ever? Remember my favorite Power Ranger
was the pink one.
- When did you first know I was gay?
- When you were like four years old with a sheet wrapped around you singing
Ella Fitzgerald.
- There were times in life when I thought you were, especially when you walked
around the house singing show tunes.
- I had conversations with people who were involved in the gay and bisexual community
really early on when you were little.
- What?!
- And at that moment, I said to myself, "Oh, shit, he's gay."
- And said, "Oh, you know what..."
- That kid's gay?
- That kid's gay.
- Wow.
- Was I one of the first or the last people you told and why?
- I guess you were kind of both, because I kind of came out all at once.
- If you can set me up with one celebrity, who would it be and why?
- Wow.
- I meant like Brad Pitt from Thelma & Louise.
- I don't...I don't like Brad Pitt.
- That's why I'm gay and you're not.
- You are such a unique great guy. You are going to find the right person
for yourself when you're not looking and I don't give a shit about whether it's a
celebrity or whether it's, you know, some guy, who, you know,
sweeps the streets. So I really can't find a good answer to that question.
- Do you have any advice out there for dads who think their son might be gay?
- Yes. Open up. Ask them. Talk to them. Be honest and let them know that you
support them and love them no matter who they are.
- It has nothing to do with them being gay. Pay attention to your kids.
- You want the best for your child. You want to encourage them to be who
they are. So if that's who they are, that's who they are. I mean,
it's kind of simple.
- Happy Father's Day, Dad.
- Thanks, buddy.
- You're welcome.
- Happy Father's Day, Dad.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- Happy Father's Day, Dad.
- I love you. - I love you.
- What did you get me?
- Very good.
- [JR] I'm really scared for her, but at the same time,
I would never have it any other way.
- [Vanessa] We really just thought we had a son who really liked dresses and who
felt more himself in dresses and we were okay with that. We were like, "Well,
this is his path." We now know it was her path.
- Hello.
- Dear friends, teachers, and parents, Ellie is a name our child chose once she
realized people would think she was a boy with the name Zach. That's the
brother car. Is that the Daddy car, the Mommy car, or the sister car?
- [Ellie] Sister. - The sister car?
Maybe when she was close to three, she started wearing dresses which is
really common for three-year-olds who are not transgender. They play
around with gender roles. But the closer you get to four,
the more rigid things are and the less people play.
- Her name is Elsa and she has magical powers.
- Ellie has told us she's a girl in many ways. The most clear has been,
"I'm a girl in my heart, in my brain." Well, why don't you both sit
next to each other? - No, the girl side. This is girl side.
- Well, we can switch.
- I can't say that everyone has the courage and bravery that
a four-and-a-half-year-old would have.
- Come on, Dad, lift me up.
- But in this world, people should be allowed to be who they
want to be.
♪ [music] ♪
- We only care about the well-being of Ellie
and we will do every single thing we can,
so our child knows she is loved for whoever she tells us she is.
- Mom.
- I just want her to be happy. It's really cliché. I want her
to be accepted. I want her to be able to have access to whatever her passion is.
It's time to get ready for bed, so you need to get jammies.
- I don't want her to feel discouraged just based on how society thinks that she
should be.
- These robes are so soft.
- This is the way our child was born and we love her.
- Mama, look, he's doing this.
- As long as she knows that she has a great foundation here at home and with her
family and friends, that gives her a better chance at going through life as who
she wants to be.
- Thank you for your support, JR, Vanessa, Ronnie, and Ellie. Mommy loves you whoever
you are. You are her shining star. Kisses. Okay.
- [Tio] So I came out to my parents about 10 years ago and the world didn't
end like I thought it was going to. My parents love me and they want the best
for me. So naturally, they were a little scared for me.
I'm from North Carolina and things are different down there.
And they don't really understand that things are different everywhere else.
And so, they wanted to keep it kind of hush-hush. I lived with that
situation for, you know, the past 10 years. Jump ahead to now.
I am in a long-term relationship. I live with my boyfriend, Alfonso,
and he has a very tight-knit family. And they are very open and honest
about our sexuality. And there was this instance where it was
Saturday morning and I was sleeping in, like I tend to. And Alfonso was up and his
nieces came over. And his tiniest niece, who's about three years old,
opened our door while I was still asleep and said, "Hey, are you his boyfriend?"
And so, I lifted my head and half-asleep said, "Yeah." And she said, "No."
And ran out. And I was like, "Oh my God, this is my nightmare."
And I heard her little footsteps come back towards the door and I looked over and she
walked in. She said, "Hey, do you boys hold hands and kiss?"
And I was like, "Oh God, here we go. Yes, yes, we do." And she said, "No."
And ran out again. At this point, I knew sleepy-time was over and I got up.
And I walked into the living room where Alfonso had just made breakfast.
And the little girl got her scrambled eggs and looked down and said, "No."
So I realized this was just the phase that she was in. And as the day went on,
there was no big deal. She was totally cool with me.
And by the end of the day, she left and said, "Tio, I love you."
And it warmed my heart, because I saw that I had been living
with this fear for about 10 years of a world that is no longer around us.
We have a new generation of people who despite the fact that they haven't seen a
fairytale with two princes doesn't mean that they're going to be freaked out or
that they're going to judge me. The world is different now.
- [Grace] I've known I'm gay since I was four years old and I was so scared
of letting my secret out that I stopped talking. I went selectively mute
for about 20 years and I was completely suicidal. I gave up.
My name is Grace Kim and this is the time I changed my mind. I have no idea how
to identify.
♪ [music] ♪
No one wants to be four years old and realize that you're gay and that
you can't change it and that you're going to hell for it. My whole life I tried
to change it. I would do really, really crazy things looking back.
I would buy drugs for homeless people on Craigslist. I would drive at like 120
miles per hour with my eyes closed. My apartment was completely covered
in trash. I was just living in squalor, because I felt like I was trash and I
might as well live in it. I needed help very badly.
♪ [music] ♪
While I was about to kill myself, I tried to remember the best day
of my life. And I realized there was none, so I decided to give myself one last day
to be the best day of my life. I just went around San Francisco,
my hometown, just trying to be happy for one more day and I actually had the best
day of my life. I went on a cable car. I went to a bookstore and I just really
tried to be in the moment. I realized nothing changed
except my mindset.
I wrote out all the things I've ever wanted to do.
I pulled them out of a jar at random and forced myself to do it.
And I grew so much in that period of time. I used to sit in church and think
about how ashamed I was for being a sinner and how I was going to hell.
But now I'm throwing singles mixers and I'm surrounded by 30 skinny lesbians.
♪ [music] ♪
Suicide in the LGBT community is huge. You're always affected by it.
Maybe not directly, but you always know someone. It's not easy to be in a world
that tells you you're invalid. I realize what I want to do with my life
is just help people reach this point that I have. I started Best Day Project.
It's an LGBTQIA Youth Suicide Prevention Organization. You can submit to me your
biggest dream and you might win it from me.
♪ [music] ♪
I accept all dreams, large and small.
I just got one yesterday from a trans boy who says his biggest dream is to just have
a bind and some hormone book and he's 13.
♪ [music] ♪
Gender is a socially constructed
concept and it shouldn't dictate what people like and dislike.
And if we all acknowledge that, then I think a lot of kids growing up now
won't have to go through what I did. There really seems like there's no hope,
but there's always hope if you're alive.
♪ [music] ♪