Whether your spouse has told you that they’re no longer happy, or you’re simply suspecting
that they may soon calls it quits, I’m here to tell you how you can single handedly save
your marriage.
My name is Brad Browning, I’m a relationship coach, marriage expert, and author of the
best-selling Mend the Marriage program.
Over the years I’ve worked with many individuals wanting to save their marriage, and one thing
I’ve repeatedly encountered is the common belief that one spouse cannot do it alone.
Well, I’m here to tell you otherwise.
In fact, I have seen many marriages saved when one of the partners takes action - even
if the other has refused to keep trying.
Today I’m going to share with you four ways to save your marriage on your own.
Number 1: Accept the Situation
It’s perfectly normal to have a hard time accepting that your spouse feels the way they
do.
And a common reaction is trying to convince them that things can get better.
However, this is actually the worst thing you can do in your situation.
As tempting as it may be, crying and begging for your spouse to give your marriage another
chance will not change their mind.
Reacting to the news angrily also won’t help.
Since your spouse is already past the point of believing change is possible, your desperation
will have no impact on your them.
Instead, these types of reactions will make you appear weak and out of control.
If you want to save your marriage, you will not get there through pity, cruel words, or
dramatic actions.
It’s okay for your spouse to know that you’re upset about the situation, but it’s more
important for them to know that you have control of your feelings.
To save your marriage you need to accept the situation and acknowledge that you played
a role in creating your marital problems.
Number 2: Build Resilience
Once you have overcome the initial shock and accepted the situation at hand, you then need
to create a plan to save your marriage.
Start by building strategies to take care of yourself, and find a way to maintain a
positive outlook.
If you can do this, then you’ll eliminate the one thing you don’t want to do - give
your spouse more reason to want to leave you.
Focus on staying positive, maintaining your dignity, and taking care of yourself emotionally,
physically and mentally.
Everyone has a different way of doing this, but find what works for you and and manage
your emotions.
If you’re interested in learning more about managing your emotions and devloping an action
plan, visit my website MarriageGuy.com and watch the full length video presentation.
I also offer 1-on-1 coaching, so if you’re interested in finding out more about it and
my availability, visit MarriageGuy.com/coaching.
I’ll be sure to put both URLs in the video description below.
Number 3: Commit to Change
You know that popular saying, “Be the change you want to see….”
Well that’s exactly what you need to do to save your marriage.
Look closely at your behaviour in the relationship.
Ask yourself in which ways you can change to create positive responses from your spouse,
and what behavioural habits your spouse reacts negatively to.
Whether you know it or not, you and your spouse communicate in a revolving stimulus - a “response
pattern,” if you will.
What you do and say is the stimulus.
Your partner’s reaction is the response.
And then you react to their reaction and so on.
The same thing occurs when your partner does or says something.
Over time, the two of you have developed a pattern of habitual actions and reactions.
When the stimulus changes, the response will also change.
This means that changing your behaviour will impact your partner’s reaction, and overall
the entire relationship.
For example, if you have developed a habit of speaking disrespectfully to your spouse,
they will have also developed a kind of reaction or coping mechanism.
If you stop acting disrespectfully, then your partner won’t need to use their coping mechanism.
If this happens enough, a new pattern of behaviours will emerge.
Assuming the new actions and reactions are positive, the relationship will take a turn
for the best.
Once you create positive interactions with one another, you can begin working on resolving
your marital issues.
If you have any questions about behavioural patterns or would like to share your experience,
please feel free to post in the comments below.
I always do my best to respond to each of you.
Number 4: Dedicate Yourself to the Task
You and your partner are the only two people who really know what goes on in your relationship.
You also know what the biggest problems are for you personally, and you know the changes
that need to be made to save your marriage.
Determine where your biggest issue lies so you can dedicate yourself to resolving these
matters.
Remember that initially, you’ll be doing all the work.
It may not seem fair, but you’re the one who believes in your marriage and wants to
save it.
It won’t be easy, and sometimes your progress may slip, but if you dedicate yourself to
the task, you’ll eventually start to have small successes and it will get easier.
Best of all, once you make some changes your spouse will begin to engage and will become
more willing to assist with reviving your marriage.
Before I wrap up this video I want to remind you that your partner’s unwillingness to
participate in saving your marriage is not at all a handicap.
In fact, working alone can actually be more immediate and effective than working together.
Since you’re the one calling the shots and making the changes, you won’t be wasting
time trying to get your spouse to cooperate.
Just hang in there, and don’t give up.
Well that’s all for now, thanks for watching.
If you’d like to learn more about how to reconnect with your spouse, head over to my
website and watch the full length video presentation…
the URL is MarriageGuy.com.
I’d also appreciate it if you’d subscribe to my channel here on YouTube if you found
this video helpful.
That’s it for now, talk to you again soon.