-Hi, everybody.
Welcome to another "Tonight Show: At Home Edition."
I appreciate you watching and staying at home
and doing what we are told.
I know it's hard right now, but it is gonna work out,
so thank you for doing that.
We're doing our part, too, staying at home
and washing our hands and not touching our face, et cetera.
And it's just -- Today is just a Tuesday, I believe,
and it's just another day.
It's another week. Every day is another week.
So, here we go. Let's make it easier.
Let's start off with a few jokes.
It's time for the monologue. ♪♪
Welcome to "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."
Guys, there are reports that Kim Jong-un
is in serious condition after having surgery.
Wow. That's crazy.
He always looked so healthy to me.
That's right -- there were reports that Kim Jong-un
is in serious condition after having surgery.
Who knew that the guy with the body shaped like the one
from "Operation" would have health issues?
He's got water on the knee.
Bucket of water on the knee.
If anything happens to Kim Jong-un,
his sister will take over.
You know Kim's sisters -- Kourtney and Khloé Jong-un.
Earlier today at The White House,
President Trump met with New York governor Andrew Cuomo.
It was strange, because, normally,
when two guys from Queens meet up,
it's under a bridge in the middle of the night.
The FDA just authorized the first coronavirus test
that allows patients to collect their samples at home.
That's right -- now people can mail their sample in
and then, two weeks later, get a call from the lab that says,
"Sir, that cup was for saliva."
Down in Georgia, a governor is going against
medical experts and reopening some
non-essential businesses, including bowling alleys.
Look, even when there's not a pandemic,
I wouldn't be sticking my fingers
into a communal ball hole.
Southern states like Tennessee and Georgia
are ignoring expert advise
and reopening non-essential businesses.
That's cool, because the last time the Southern states
broke off and did their own thing,
it worked out pretty well, right?
Georgia wants to reopen movie theaters next week.
It's perfect if you want to catch the latest releases
from February and also the coronavirus.
The World Series of Poker
has been postponed because of the coronavirus.
Yep. Of course all the players were incredibly upset,
but it was impossible to tell.
I read that seashells in North Carolina beaches
have been piling up because no one is there
to collect them, the seashells, yeah.
So now you know where to go when you need another beach-themed
"Live, laugh, love" sign for your bathroom.
A woman in Iowa made hundreds of face masks
and hung them on a tree outside her house
for people to share and take.
That's really nice, but while she was hanging them,
you know the neighbors were definitely like,
"Susan's gone insane."
And, finally, a lot of people say that the lockdowns
have created a lot of tension
between them and their roommates.
A definite sign of that -- when you start referring
to your wife and kids as roommates.
Guys, that is our monologue right there.
We have a great show tonight.
Halle Berry is on the show tonight.
We love Halle Berry.
We'll be talking to her and all the things
she's doing right now during this quarantine.
Also, Russell Westbrook and I
talk about Michael Jordan documentaries.
We'll be talking about playoff.
Is he ready for the playoffs if NBA happens to come back?
We don't know.
And we have great music from Meghan Trainor
to close out the show.
I appreciate that. Thanks, everyone, for coming on.
It's Tuesday, and we thought it would be fun to do
#AskTheFallons.
This is where we ask you guys to ask us questions,
and we'll answer anything, whether it be me, my kids,
or my wife, who is also my camera operator,
who does not like to be on-camera,
but it doesn't matter.
We're in a pandemic.
We have to do things... -That's right.
-...that we don't want to do.
So, here it is.
It's time for another installment of
"Ask, Ask, Ask, the, the, the,
Fallons, Fallons, Fallons, Fallons."
♪♪
Hi, guys. -Hi.
-Welcome to this edition of "Ask the Fallons."
We are doing it from inside the bus, the VW bus,
because it is a crazy storm outside.
And we are safe and cozy in here.
-It might be hailing.
-And to be honest, the lighting is just as good in here
than it is outside.
Alright, we got a lot of questions from you guys.
-Alright. -Thank you so much.
I am going to kind of talk a little bit louder
because it's just really coming down.
-It just -- It might be hailing right now.
-Alright, here we go. I think it is, actually, yeah.
Alright, honey, what were you like
when you were the girls's age?
So 5 and 6.
-Okay, so, when I was 5 or 6 -- kindergarten --
my best friend's name was Huey.
And I loved to play and draw and make-believe.
I was really nice.
I was very shy and I liked to be kind of left alone.
I had a younger brother who was only about a year younger,
so, yes, he would sort of, you know, wait until
I perfectly set up my entire Barbie townhouse.
-Was it Barbie that you were into?
-Oh, I was into Barbie. I was into...
-Skipper? -Yeah, Skipper.
And you could turn her arms, and she would get bigger.
She would turn into a pre-teen. Oh, yeah.
And, yeah, Jim would come in and sort of mess it up,
and then I would go back and fix it up again.
And I was a peaceful child. -You were. Very creative.
-Very creative.
I loved anything drawing, painting, making a store.
I made a lot of stores. -Yeah.
-That's still my dream for one day, having a store.
-For me, I think 5 years old, 5 and 6, was the first grade.
I was very religious.
I was very -- I wanted to be a priest.
I was an altar boy.
Just got my first communion, and I was really into it.
So I was very kind of religious at the time when I was 5 and 6.
I mean, I didn't have Barbies, so I don't know.
My sister had Barbies.
We might have Donny and Marie dolls.
-Oh! -So maybe I was into that.
-We had the Six Million Dollar Man.
I remember I loved him.
-No, I didn't have that.
I remember I was jealous of a lot of my friends.
We'd go even to just their garage sales
and be like, "You have the Evel Knievel bike
that you pull the thing?"
-For a quarter? -Yes! Like, "I want that."
We never had any of those things.
But I think that I was probably more like --
I think I was more like Winnie than I was Franny.
-You do?
-Yeah, I think I was more quiet and just, like,
just did my own thing, yeah.
My sister was -- Yeah, she was more of the, like --
-I'm surprised.
-Everyone was really like, "Oh, Gloria's --"
-Oh, yeah, Gloria was kind of a --
-She was very cute and very smart.
-Yes.
-And people saw that and they were like, "Ooh, the boys.
You're gonna have --" -Good luck with the boy.
-"You're gonna have a little trouble with the boy."
-But the daughter's really cute.
-Yeah, she's cute and so smart.
But he's got something, I guess.
He's got something to work towards.
Hey, this one's good.
It said, "I just started my first serious relationship.
Do you have any dating advice?" -Oh!
-Yeah, would you like to go ahead?
Mine -- I would not. I would not give you any advice.
-What would be your advice, actually?
-I'm so bad. What's my dating advice?
Phew! Maybe realize that when
you're first starting to date,
that this might not be the one, the one.
Most likely, it's not the one. -It could be the one.
-It could be the one.
I would say you're in the 5 percentile
of that being "the one."
-I don't even know where to start with my advice.
Alright, I'll try to limit it down...
-Mm-hmm.
-...to a big one, which is
trust their actions, not their words.
So, you may hear the most beautiful things,
you may hear promises, you might hear everything
you want to hear, but if that person you're dating
is not following up with their actions,
then they're just words.
So trust yourself on that.
Stop saying, "But, but, but..."
"But he said he liked me."
If he doesn't show you he liked you, you know,
it might be a different thing.
The other thing is to know what you want.
It's so important to know what you want,
because I think that a lot of us just scream forward
waiting for the first person to pull out
or pull up or, you know, move ahead.
And just know what you want.
Some people might just want to date,
and you don't have to rush to the altar.
You don't have to rush to anything.
You can just enjoy each other.
-Did you know what you wanted with me?
[ Both laugh ] -Yes.
The craziest thing about you was that...
-You wanted to run to the altar.
-...for the first time in my life,
someone told me to make that list of what I want.
And I had just assumed that I knew what I wanted,
but I never actually dated anyone
who had anything on the list of what I wanted
once I wrote it down.
So as soon as I did that -- and I'm not kidding --
I went on to "Fever Pitch" and ta-da.
-Wow. So maybe write it down. -Yeah.
It's just a way of understanding what you're after better.
-You wanted brown hair, good looks.
-It was an entirely physical list.
-Physique. -No, it was not.
It had nothing to do with that.
My 20-something self would have made that list,
but my older list was different.
-But how different was it?
-It was just more about, like, someone who loves family,
because some people -- And I've dated people
who don't actually want to be around family,
and I love my family.
And, you know, that was a big one.
Someone who just had the same sort of sense of fun that I did.
-Yeah, and?
-Someone who is really muscly and great-looking!
And the most handsome prince in the world, my husband.
-Gosh, I spend about 90% of my day in the gym,
and when I come out, you know I got to have my protein shake.
-Yeah, actually, on the list is someone
who isn't that into all of that,
because that is like a widow waiting to happen, a gym widow.
-I mean, I just -- When I get in there, I get pumped, man.
I want to come out. You know what I want?
That protein shake and then another round in the gym.
-That was your list? -That's all I wanted.
-So you must be gravely disappointed.
-I think everyone knows, at home, how lucky I am.
[ Both laugh ]
Alright, let's continue with the show, everybody.
-Okay. -That was "Ask the Fallons."
-Stay dry.
-Thank you so much for those questions.
And thank you, VW, for inventing that bus in the '70s.
That thing is awesome, and it kept us --
It kept that bit going during this rainy, haily, cold storm
that was happening outside.
What's up, bud?
-Hi. -What do you want to tell me?
-You know what? -What?
-And do you know what? -What? You always whisper.
-[ Whispering ] -Yeah, what?
You are trying to be "Bomb Boyeye."
It's Bomb Voyage, in "The Incredibles."
She calls him Bomb Voyeye.
So, anyways, thank you for sending in those
"Ask the Fallons" questions.
And I appreciate them getting a little bit deeper and --
Wow, you guys are really asking these hard-hitting questions.
But, anyways, I appreciate it.