What’s up YouTube, Breakup Brad here… and in this video, I’ll be explaining when
you should and should not send your ex a letter to win them back. This is a pretty easy question
to answer, so let’s get into it, shall we?
First, let’s define what we mean by “letter”. I’m talking about anything longer than a
couple of paragraphs -- anything that would be too long for a text message. So, this could
mean sending your ex a long email, an old school paper letter in the mail, or a really
long FB message… any kind of longer, more heartfelt letter to your ex that’s intended
to apologize, explain what went wrong, ask for closure, beg for another chance, tell
them how much you love them, etc. So basically, we’re not talking about sending your ex
a 2-sentence joke through text message here.
Now, I need say one thing right now at the beginning of the video, just in case you don’t
watch to the end… most of the time -- in 95% or more of all breakup situations -- you
don’t need to send your ex this kind of letter. In fact, whether you want your ex
back or not, it’s just typically a bad idea that won’t work or will do more harm than
good.
Yes, there are a couple of situations where you CAN consider this kind of letter to try
and get your ex to come back… and I’ll talk about those few specific scenarios in
more detail in a second. But for the vast majority of you watching this video right
now, you should NOT send your ex a letter. If you happen to think your situation could
be the exception and warrant this kind of letter, please sign up for my 1-on-1 coaching
BEFORE you send it to get a second opinion. I’ll help you make sure the letter will
actually help your cause. It’s not expensive, just go to BreakupBrad.com/coaching and sign
up if you see an available slot so we can talk it over before you send any letters to
your ex.
Now, briefly, there’s a few reasons you don’t want to send your ex a letter. Firstly,
it reeks of desperation. By taking the time to think about what you want to say, write
it all down in a letter, and then send it to your ex… you’re basically exhibiting
needy, unnattractive vibes and kind of making yourself look a bit pathetic. It’s a desperation
move, and your ex will see that in a lot of cases.
Secondly, you don’t win back your ex by telling them how much you love them or explaining
what you think went wrong in your relationship. What makes your ex take you back is ATTRACTION…
they need to WANT to be around you, and a serious 10 page rambling letter about your
past relationship’s problems doesn’t make them want you. It confirms that they’ve
made the right decision to stay broken up. Making your ex laugh, smile… flirting with
them, building sexual tension… these are the kinds of things that will change your
ex’s mind and make them beg to have you back.
Lastly, it usually just reminds your ex of the problems that led to the breakup by focusing
their attention on those issues again. If you’re apologizing for something you did
in a letter to your ex, for example, that’s fine… but it’s going to remind them what
you did that necessitated an apology. You want them to forget that stuff and let go
of the negative memories. If you explain how things will be different if they give you
another chance, that’s also fine -- but they’ve probably heard it before, and once
again it’s another case of trying to use logic and reasoning to talk your way back
into your ex’s heart when you really just need to tap into their emotions and re-build
real, organic attraction.
My full tutorial video at BreakupBrad.com actually explains this in a lot of depth,
and explains what to do to help your ex forget about the negative memories and tap into their
subconscious to re-build their attraction for you. Watch it for free right after this
video is over at BreakupBrad.com, or click the link in the description below.
Now, what are the rare situations where you CAN or SHOULD send your ex a letter? Well,
there’s only 2 scenarios where a letter might work or at least isn’t likely to do
any harm.
#1 - As an absolute last-ditch effort when you’ve tried everything else and can’t
find it within yourself to just let your ex go without spilling your guts. I absolutely
do not recommend this most of the time, but some people just can’t let their ex go until
they lay out all their cards on the table in a final last-ditch hail mary. If you get
to this point, your odds of actually getting them back are basically zero already anyway,
so you have little to lose. Really, it’s as much about helping you close the chapter
and move on knowing you tried your best. I’m sorry if this is the kind of situation you’re
in currently, but most of you probably still have plenty of hope left, so you’re not
even close to this kind of last-ditch desperation tactic yet… and of course if you want to
find out your chances of ever getting them back, take my free quiz at BreakupBrad.com/Quiz.
#2 - When you need to use my CLEAN SLATE template. Maybe you’ve heard me talk about the Clean
Slate message in some of my other videos already… and this is something I cover in detail in
my Ex Factor program, so please grab a copy if you’re considering sending a Clean Slate
message to your ex at BreakupBrad.com before you actually send it. You need to combine
this strategy with other stuff like No Contact and do it properly, or it may end up doing
more harm than good.
Essentially, the Clean Slate message is something you’d send to your ex in an attempt to undo
past mistakes you’ve already made since the breakup… most often, excessive begging
and pleading or overly clingy and desperate behaviour. The Clean Slate message is an admission
that you handled the breakup poorly previously, you will respect your ex’s space and decision
to break up, and that you’re actually doing great now and even seeing the positive sides
of the breakup. It’s a way to subtly change how your ex thinks about you and your value
by being honest and doing a 180º turn on your approach and attitude. If done properly,
this letter can really surprise your ex and build some intrigue, and it also adds some
pressure and urgency to things for your ex.
If you want to see my example Clean Slate message templates, again, please sign up for
my Ex Factor program at BreakupBrad.com… it’s backed by a 60-day money back guarantee.
You can also try to craft your own Clean Slate message if you for some reason don’t want
to sign up for The Ex Factor program, but keep a few things in mind:
#1 - this is a desperation tactic designed for people who have already made serious mistakes
with their ex since breaking up, and need to take action to undo the damage from those
mistakes by changing their ex’s mind and ‘wiping the slate clean’ to start the
process of re-attracting them from scratch. It’s not going to be a good idea for most
people, especially if you haven’t made major mistakes like repeatedly begging and pleading
your ex.
#2 - it should be as friendly but brief and concise as possible. No rambling, no gigantic
page-long blocks of text, no overly flowery language or poems or compliments.. It’s
just intended to show your ex you’ve changed, you won’t beg or plead or bother them anymore,
and drop a hint or 2 to clearly show how well you’re doing now and how you’re getting
over them. This adds urgency to the situation for your ex by showing them you’re moving
on and they may not have you available as a backup plan if they don’t ask to get back
together soon.
#3 - if you need to apologize, just do it once in a meaningful and heartfelt way. Be
specific about what you’re apologizing for, maybe explain that the breakup had initially
been hard for you, hence your past mistakes like begging or pestering them… and then
don’t mention it again. Make it a positive sounding message in general, without bringing
up drama or past problems in your relationship… sound upbeat and focus on positives and moving
forward.
#4 - don’t expect a reply, and if you do get a reply, don’t immediately treat it
as an immediate signal you can start contacting your ex frequently again or stop exhibiting
the ‘new you’ that you describe in the Clean Slate letter.
And lastly… #5 - don’t use the Clean Slate letter unless you know what you’re doing.
In fact, don’t send your ex a letter of any kind unless you’re really sure it’ll
help you get them back…. Or if you really don’t care anymore and you have nothing
to lose. In any other situation, please sign up for my coaching first before you send any
letters to your ex… because 99% of the time my clients tell me about a letter they sent
to their ex, it wasn’t a good idea and backfired on them. If they’d either decided NOT to
send a letter at all, or signed up for my coaching or my Ex Factor program, they could’ve
avoided making such a damaging mistake.
So, hopefully you guys now realize that most of the time you shouldn’t send your ex a
letter. No love letters, poems, or spilling your heart out on pen and paper. If you need
to write something to your ex, generally only do it for your own purposes… don’t actually
send it to them. Even if you don’t ever want your ex back -- or you think there’s
no chance anymore -- most of the time it doesn’t achieve what you’re hoping it will.
Thanks for watching, please subscribe and click like before you go…. And please comment
below with your questions and compliments, I love hearing from you guys. See you again
soon!