If you want your ex back, then you’re doing everything you can to show them that they
made a mistake and that you can make them happy.
This is why you may be putting on a happy face and being extra nice to them.
I’m here to tell you that this is the worst mistake you can make if you want a second
chance with your ex.
Hi, I’m Brad Browning, AKA the ex back geek and the author of The Ex Factor Guide.
I’ve been here on Youtube for almost ten years teaching people how to get their exes
back so I know all about what goes on inside an ex’s mind after a breakup.
This is how I know that being nice to your ex is a huge mistake and I’ll explain why.
1.
It makes them lose respect for you
If someone punches you in the face and you kiss their feet, then people are going to
think that you’re pathetic.
This is the same principle at work after a breakup.
There’s a fine line to walk here.
You shouldn’t be actively cruel or spiteful towards your ex but you shouldn’t be actively
kind towards them either.
They know what they did was hurtful and if you act like it’s all good right after the
breakup, it’s going to be pretty clear that you’re just swallowing your feelings and
trying to get back on their good side.
This isn’t going to make them hate you.
It’s actually much worse than that.
This will make them pity you.
Take it from me, you’d much rather have your ex hate you than pity you.
No one ever fell in love with someone out of pity.
It’s a toxic emotion that can kill your ex’s attraction for you in an instant.
You may say that your ex isn’t like that.
They’re not judgmental.
They know that this is complicated and that you’re only nice because you care about
them.
Well unfortunately for you, this is all happening at a subconscious level so they may not even
know why they feel this way.
In fact, if they’re a good person then they’re probably fighting against this feeling with
everything they’ve got, but it’s no use.
When someone hurts you and you roll over and give them whatever they want, they can’t
help but lose respect for you.
It’s that simple.
2.
It makes them think that they did nothing wrong
Your ex chose to end the relationship and you have a right to be upset about that.
The more you’re nice to them after they dumped you, the more they’ll start to think
that breaking up with you was no big deal.
Basically, if dumping you was a mistake then why are you being so nice to them?
As toxic as this may seem, you don’t want your ex to feel this way after a breakup.
You want them to really feel the pain and heartbreak that they’ve inflicted on you
and themselves.
And that won’t be possible if you’re still around, doing them favors, making jokes and
just generally being kind.
As counterintuitive as this may seem, by being nice to them in this way, you’re actually
helping them get over the breakup and move on.
It’s the loneliness that makes breakups especially painful and by continuing to be
a shoulder to cry on, you’re preventing that loneliness from really setting in.
3.
It shows them that you’re a backup option
If you want your ex back, you need to give them a reason to give you another chance.
Think about it: if they decided to end things with you then they must have had a good reason.
What has changed since then that gives them an incentive to take you back?
Well for many people, it’s the fear of losing their ex to another guy or girl that will
make them come back.
This is simple human psychology.
We always want what we can’t have.
The grass is always greener on the other side, etc.
This is a very simple psychological principle that you can take advantage of.
But there’s one major way to screw it up: by showing your ex that you’re still available
and willing to take them back.
If they think that they can just take their time, enjoy being single and sleep around
with whoever they want without a care in the world, then they’re going to take their
sweet time to take you back.
In fact, chances are they’re going to end up meeting someone new in the meantime that
lacks all your baggage.
You’re literally giving them a safety net.
With you around, they feel more comfortable dating new people because they always have
you to fall back on if things don’t work out.
Sad but true.
If you want to get out of your ex’s friendzone and back into a proper relationship, then
you need to go to BreakupBrad.com after this video is over.
I’ve distilled all my best advice into a free video presentation that will help you
completely reverse this breakup faster than you thought possible.
That’s BreakupBrad.com.
4.
You’re acting like nothing has changed
It’s very easy to pretend that a breakup never happened in order to prevent
heartbreak on both sides.
This can include continuing to treat the other person like they’re still your partner.
Are you still living together?
Are you sleeping together and hanging out all the time?
This probably feels great right now but deep down you both know that this breakup happened
and you can’t keep pretending forever.
This is where you need to wake up and face reality.
You can’t just sweep this breakup under the rug and hope that you’ll both forget
about it.
Eventually you’ll come home and they’ll be gone or you’ll find out that they’re
dating someone else or they’ll just stop answering your messages.
It can be tough to break out of this fake relationship but you have to make the leap
if you want to win your ex back for real.
How To Stop Being Nice To Your Ex
So now that you know why you shouldn’t be nice to your ex, let’s talk about what exactly
that looks like.
First off, you shouldn’t be actively mean to your ex now that you’ve broken up.
You need to treat them with basic courtesy and respect, the way you would any person
you run into in your day to day life.
There are certainly people out there, and right here on youtube, that will tell you
to treat your ex like garbage, insult them and otherwise undermine their feelings and
their decision to break up.
I think this is a huge mistake if you want another chance with your ex.
Being mean to your ex will only make you seem petty, angry and unappealing.
They’re never going to want you back if you treat them like garbage and while you
may succeed in making them feel bad, this won’t help your case.
And more than that, this anger that you’re expressing towards your ex is just showing
them how much you still care about them and about the relationship.
It’s actually making you seem pathetic.
Instead, you want to treat your ex respectfully and nothing more.
Don’t be afraid to come across as cold or standoffish towards your ex.
They may react negatively at first but remember that this is what they were asking for when
they decided to end the relationship.
They don’t want to be with you anymore so you’ve got no obligation to continue to
entertain them even as they try to move on from the relationship.
So if your ex texts you, don’t rush to answer them.
Stop being friendly and making jokes when you talk to them, and don’t go out of your
way to do favours or nice things for them.
These can be hard habits to break, especially if you’ve been together for a long time,
and especially since you still love them and want them back.
But remember that the relationship is over so you can’t keep pretending it hasn’t.
If you need a little help to begin that process, consider signing up for my one-on-one coaching
program over to BreakupBrad.com/Coaching.
I work with you personally to create a plan that will give you the best chance to win
back your ex.
Breakups are hard but I can help you come back stronger than ever.
That’s BreakupBrad.com/Coaching.
Remember that now is the time to focus on yourself and your own needs, regardless of
what your ex might think.
And when the time comes to try to win them back, you’ll find yourself in a much better
place and much more confident in yourself.
This is why I stress the importance of The No Contact Method in The Ex Factor Guide.
No Contact is ESSENTIAL if you want a second chance with your ex because it acts like a
reset of the dynamic you’ve created since the breakup.
So instead of seeing you as a backup plan, a jilted lover, or a pile of baggage, your
ex will start to see you for you as the person they fell in love with again.
And all it requires is for you to spend at least 30 days following the breakup without
contacting your ex in any way.
I’m sure some of you watching right now are shocked by this idea.
You think it’s going to be the final nail in the coffin for your relationship.
You think that even if it would help, it would be impossible.
You already miss them so much even though you talk to them all the time.
Going No Contact would be like cutting off a piece of yourself.
And you’re right, it’s not going to be easy.
In fact, it will be extremely painful and difficult but it’s also the best thing you
can do right now if you want your ex back.
Because it’s going to be even more painful for your ex.
This sudden radio silence is going to make them feel like they may have lost you forever.
They’ll really have to sit with the decision they made, without you there to dry their
tears and make them feel better about themselves.
That just about does it for this video.
If you want more information about how to make No Contact work for you, check out the
related videos on the screen or simply go to BreakupBrad.com.
I’m Brad Browning, thanks for watching, liking and subscribing and I’ll see you
in my next video.