FOLKS, HOW ABOUT THAT NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARY LAST NIGHT.
INCREDIBLE.
THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE!
I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OVER TO MY DESK RIGHT OVER THERE TO TALK
ABOUT THE UNPRECENDENTED CLUSTER-BRUNCH IT
WAS.
I WANT TO GO OVER THERE RIGHT NOW, BUT I KNOW I CAN'T.
BECAUSE WE HAVE AN ESTABLISHED FORMAT, AND AS A RESPONSIBLE
HOST, I HAVE TO DO THE MATURE THING AND DO WHAT IS EXPECTED TO
GET THE JOB DONE.
AND I ACCEPT THAT.
SO FIRST, LET'S GET THIS DONE.
HAPPY ASH WEDNESDAY, EVERYBODY.
HAPPY ASH WEDNESDAY.
IS SOMETHING YOU'RE NEVER SUPPOSED TO SAY, BECAUSE ASH
WEDNESDAY IS THE DAY WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR MORTALITY
BECAUSE-- FUN FACT IT'S ASHES REPRESENT THE GRAVE TO WHICH WE
WILL ALL RETURN.
IT MARKS THE BEGINNING OF LENT.
WHICH IS A TIME THAT THOSE OF US WHO ARE CATHOLICS HAVE TO SPEND
SOME...
♪ ♪ ♪ WELL, YEAH.
NO!
, OF COURSE, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT!
BUT, NO, WHEN YOU GROW UP YOU REALIZE YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET
WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU HAVE TO DO THINGS THAT ARE RESPONSIBLE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS!
>> STEPHEN!
>> BERNIE!
BERNIE!
>> THANK YOU.
>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) STEPHEN, THAT IS THOUGHT TRUE.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S NOT TRUE?
>> STEPHEN, YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT AND BE RESPONSIBLE.
>> Stephen: BUT SENATORS THESE SHOWS ARE SUPPOSED TO START WITH
THE HOST STANDING UP AND TALKING TO THE CAMERA.
>> STEPHEN, THAT'S WHAT THE ELITES WANT YOU TO THINK.
YOU'VE GOT TO EQUAL YOUR HEART.
GO YOUR OWN WAY.
THE REVOLUTION IS POSSIBLE.
YOU ARE THE REVOLUTION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IN THIS TIME, THE REVOLUTION
WILL LITERALLY BE TELEVISED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WELL, OKAY, I
MEAN, THAT'S A STRONG MESSAGE.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT AT LEAST I HAVE TO SAY WHO'S ON THE SHOW,
SIR?
>> DON'T WORRY.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
WHO'S ON TONIGHT?
>> Stephen: WELL, FIRST UP, I'LL BE TALKING TO THE GREAT
BEN STILLER, EVERYBODY.
>> OH, HE'S GOOD.
HE'S THE STAR OF "ZOOLANDER 2."
I HOPE THEY BRING BACK THE ORIGINAL ZOO.
>> Stephen: YES, ME, TOO.
THEN I'LL BE SITTING DOWN WITH PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, SENATOR
BERNIE SANDERS.
>> WOW, HOW DID YOU GET HIM?
HE'S ELECTRIFYING.
>> Stephen: THEN FINALLY, I'LL HAVE A PERFORMANCE BY A JAPANESE
PERCUSSION GROUP, DRUM TAO.
>> YOU NOW, MANY OF MY SUPPORTERS ARE VERY
FAMILIAR WITH DRUM CIRCLES.
( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: OH, WOW.
>> HEY, STEPHEN, DO YOU HEAR THAT?
>> Stephen: I DID, YEAH.
>> IT'S JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
SAY HI, EVERYBODY.
THEY'RE ABOUT TO LIGHT THE FUSE ON THE FUNK ROCKET.
BUT FIRST, ONE MORE THING: LAST NIGHT, BERNIE SANDERS
WON THE NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARY BY 22 POINTS.
NO JOKE!