- Yes, sir, here, the shirt off my back.
And as you can see, the devil does indeed wear Prada.
(electric guitar music)
(wings unfurling)
(woman gasps)
- You're an angel.
- Oh, gosh, my apologies.
And for the record,
I don't usually suffer from premature unfurling.
Holed up in a chateau
copulating with a young woman named Faith.
It's ironic, isn't it?
- Now, Lucifer, I am a big fan of sex.
- Obviously.
Excuse me!
Yeah, I have a problem.
Has anyone else noticed how incredibly jaw-droppingly
loin-stirringly beautiful this young woman is
and how short, sweaty and altogether fugly
this homunculus is?
I mean, what is this a wedding or a kidnapping?
You know what I mean?
Are you sure that we haven't met?
I could swear I've seen you naked.
Have we had sex?
(door clicks open)
- Okay, right, here's the deal.
We can have as much naked cuddle time as you desire.
But you're gonna have to listen to me too.
There's a few things that I'd like to discuss with you.
You know, just an existential dilemma or two.
Deal? - Yes.
Sometimes it's easier to make intimate issues
about something bigger than yourself.
- Well, there are few things bigger than myself.
- The devil did a good deed today.
(Lucifer chuckling)
There's no need to call it that.
I enjoyed every minute of it.
(Lucifer chuckles)
Don't mind if I do.
(Lucifer chuckling)
You checking for a wire or you are just pleased to see me?
- Here you are Mr. Morningstar.
- Thank you, lovely.
- And here's something else you might need.
(Lucifer chuckling)
- Do you honestly think you can just ask people
to have sex with you and they will?
- But I usually don't have to ask actually.
But trust me, it'd be a win-win
and probably another one after that.
I mean, I have tremendous stamina.
The danger of getting hurt is positively thrilling.
Fun with mortality it, bring it.
- Meet Britney and Britney. (Mazikeen taps Britney)
- Wow.
Hello Britneys.
Oh, Britneys, Britneys!
Pizza delivery guy, pizza delivery guy, Britneys.
- [Britneys] Hi!
- Go on, what are you waiting for?
Have fun.
So what's the big deal?
What if I am a criminal?
- I'd have to arrest you!
- Ooh, whip out the cuffs, then,
why shy away from a little bondage fun?
(Lucifer chuckling) - Tell me we didn't.
(Lucifer scoffs) - Did we ever!
I'm pretty sure we made Rosemary's Baby.
Oh, detective, it was extraordinary.
The heat, the gymnastics!
I mean, you have moves that made even the devil blush.
You know, there's only one way
to pick the perfect strawberry.
- Are you talking to me?
- Yes, of course.
Why not?
In fact, most people think it's just about the outside.
You know, the shape and the color.
But they're just like us, sneaky little devils,
hiding tasty secrets inside.
- It's never the ones you expect.
- But there's no way of finding out what deliciousness
is underneath without giving it a little taste.
(strawberry squirts) Mm.
- Mm.
- You like that?
- Oh, God!
- Oh hello.
There's a whole chapter on sex, I like this book.
Lovely, why don't we go up to the penthouse
and I can show you the original Stairway to Heaven.
Wow, look who bought a ticket to the gun show.
Detective.
(both moaning)
(both panting)
Detective, are you sure you want to do this?
- Shut up.
- And I see you've found my love handles.
(Chloe exhales)
I...
- What?
- Well, I got you burgers and fries,
but I forgot the ketchup.
(Chloe chuckles) - I hate ketchup.
(Lucifer chuckles)
- Foolish condiment.
(piano bangs) (both breathing heavily)
(phone ringing)
So tell me.
What's your deepest, darkest fantasy.
You're a persuasive one, aren't you?
(woman smacks Lucifer) Oh, perfect, dada!
Again!
(both breathing heavily)
- We haven't had sex before, have we?
(woman chuckling)
- No trust me, you would remember.
(both breathing heavily)
- I made you grilled cheese, your favorite.
(slow sexy music)
There are certain perks to having a boyfriend
who works the LAPD.
An endless supply of handcuffs, for one.
- Well, I want in.
- Ah, do you, now?
- Mm-hmm.
- Maybe we could do it together,
find the worst of the worst and give them what they deserve.
All in good time, my darling.
You know how satisfying
delayed gratification is in bed, right?
Thought you could use a hand
but looks like someone beat me to it.
(both breathing heavily)
My first Love was never Eve.
It was you, Chloe.
It always has been.
Well, you're special.
But I am,
I'm not worth it.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
- What do you truly desire?
- I..
I want to have sex with you another four times.
Six actually.