Hello. This is 6 Minute English from
BBC Learning English. I’m Sam.
And I’m Neil.
Your friend, Alicia, phoned and left
you a message for you, Neil. She’s
sorry but she has to cancel lunch
today. I think she’s going
with Jenny, instead.
That’s the third time this week
they’ve had lunch together!
Are they best friends now?
It sounds like Neil has a case of the
green-eyed monster, in other words,
jealousy – the fear that someone
else may take something you think is
yours. Humans have struggled with
jealousy for thousands of years.
Jealousy damages friendships,
destroys relationships, and can even
become a motive for murder.
In this programme, we’ll discuss jealousy
to find out happens when the green-eyed
monster raises its ugly head. And, as usual,
we’ll be learning some useful new vocabulary.
Meanwhile, my friend Alicia will be having
lunch with Jenny instead of me.
Feeling jealous is no fun. Maybe this
question will take your mind off it.
The expression ‘the green-eyed monster’
comes from a speech in one of William
Shakespeare’s most famous plays,
but which one? Is it:
a) Romeo and Juliet?
b) Hamlet? or c) Othello?
I think the answer is Othello.
OK, Neil. I’ll reveal the answer later
in the programme. For many people,
feelings of jealousy occur in romantic
relationships. Here, psychologist,
Dr Alex Mielke, explains why to BBC
World Service programme, CrowdScience.
So you have a friend, a significant other,
your parents… and you have the feeling
that this relationship is threatened by
someone else starting some form
of relationship with them, starting
a new friendship, you know, flirting
with them and so on, which is different
from envy, for example, which is
probably the emotion that gets you
to act when someone has something
you want and you have to somehow
get that from them – that’s
when you feel envious.
Jealousy can be a problem for
husbands and wives, boyfriends and
girlfriends, or anyone involved in a
romantic relationship. Dr Mielke uses
the term, significant other, to describe
any kind of romantic partner who you
have a long-term relationship with.
You might feel jealous if someone
flirts with your partner. Flirting is
when you behave as if you are sexually
attracted to someone but in a
playful way rather than
with serious intentions.
Dr Mielke also notes the difference
between two words people often
confuse: jealousy, and a similar term,
envy - wanting what someone else has.
You could be envious of someone’s
possessions like a new car, their
achievements like promotion at work,
or a personal quality like
being funny or good-looking.
So, jealousy involves three people – you,
your loved one, and someone
else - whereas envy involves just two - you
and the person who has something
you want. But while these emotions
are easy to define, they can
be very difficult to manage.
Jealousy can lead to controlling
behaviour, like checking your partner’s
text messages or monitoring who they
see, behaviour which damages
relationships. But unlike other
psychological problems such as
anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder,
many do not feel brave enough to
ask for help with their jealousy.
So, what can people who struggle with
jealousy do? That’s the question
Caroline Steel, presenter of BBC World
Service programme, CrowdScience,
asked clinical psychologist, Dr Johan Ahlen.
If there was sort of an ideal future
for people looking for help with their
jealousy, what would it be like?
Could there be a pill? Or would it be
a specific therapy? Or what’s kind of
a realistic ideal future?
I believe that some kind of cognitive
behavioural therapy where you work
with decreasing this monitoring and
checking behaviours like having a
plan for how to do that because
that's not easy. And also, at the
same time increasing activities or
behaviours that harmonise with
how you want to become.
Unfortunately, Dr Ahlen says jealousy
cannot be cured by taking a pill –
medicine in the form of a
small tablet that you swallow.
Instead, he recommends cognitive
behavioural therapy, or CBT for short,
a therapy which helps people deal
with their emotions by changing
how they think about things.
Instead of feeling jealous that your
best friend is spending time with
someone else, try feeling happy that
she’s made a new friend.
Good idea - plus I won’t have
that horrid feeling of the green-eyed
monster inside! Speaking of which,
it’s time to reveal the answer
to your question, Sam.
I asked which famous Shakespearian
play first described jealousy
as ‘the green-eyed monster’.
I said it was Othello. So, was I right?
Othello was the correct answer!
Othello becomes so jealous that
he murders his wife, Desdemona,
before killing himself. If only he’d had
some therapy! Right, let’s recap
the vocabulary from this programme
on the green-eyed monster,
another name for jealousy.
A significant other is a wife,
husband or other romantic partner
who you are in a long-term
relationship with.
Flirting means playfully pretending you
are sexually attracted to someone.
The emotion envy means wanting
what someone else has.
A pill is medicine in the form
of a small tablet which you swallow.
And finally, cognitive behavioural
therapy or CBT is a type of therapy
where people are encouraged to change
the way they think about their emotional
and behavioural problems. Once again,
our six minutes are up. Join us again
soon for more emotional support as
well as new and useful vocabulary
here at 6 Minute English. Bye for now!
Bye bye!