Previously on Buddy System:
Rhett has a ding-off with George.
You ding, I ding.
They finally find out who has Link's phone.
-Hi. I'm Aimee Brells. -Because she...
Hacked Good Mythical Morning.
Introducing the DrainWeaver.
Turns out revenge is in the mix.
-We both dated her in high school. -At the same time.
Back when Link said things like...
So dope.
-And... -Linky-poo out!
And Rhett looked like Eminem with a perm.
I'm dumping you, and so is Link.
Now it's getting real.
-We're gonna lose subscribers. -But the guys decide to...
Go on with our lives, business as usual.
Based on some potato analogy.
I'm betting that she's gonna pull her hand...
-Out of the potatoes. -Enjoy.
ANNOUNCER: They say that children are one of life's
-greatest blessings... -Ah, man.
...but they can also be...
Aimee uploaded another commercial for the channel.
Really?
Why let your kids take out
their complex emotions on your valuables
when they can direct their violence towards...
the Sacripet?
The revolutionary new stuffed animal
designed to receive the brunt of your child's aggression.
Complete with lifelike, easily pulled off limbs.
A pop-off head
with realistic attached spine.
And, for those exceptionally angry moments,
-the Sacripet is now 100% disembowelable. -Whoa!
Leave your child alone knowing that they'll
leave the things you care about alone.
Hi. I'm Aimee Brells, president of BrellLyfe
and the proud inventor of the Sacripet.
Give your child the gift of violently destroying
an animal that doesn't feel a thing.
Call 1-844-90-BRELL to order...
So she's still not pulling her hand out of the potatoes.
-Not yet. -By the way, I love that analogy.
The good news is, I don't think anybody's unsubscribing.
-So, you think we should just wait it out? -Yeah.
We still got the whole weekend.
I say we wait... and skate.
Oh, crap.
Dude, remember, we Rollerblade during the waning moon;
we roller-skate during the waxing moon.
No, I can't remember that.
That's why I have a phone.
Had a phone.
(buzzing)
(sighs)
All right, we're set.
Now, Ninja, back up.
(beeping)
Can you make that butt light beep louder?
-Of course. -Butt light beep...
beep butt... butt... booty butt... booty beep...
-Booty Backer! -(clattering)
Hey! Watch the awards!
♪ ♪
(grunts)
Okay. We're entering gang territory.
-We can't be seen together. -Right.
Bladers and skaters do not mix.
Okay, we gotta maintain a safe distance.
On my signal.
Caw! Caw!
♪ ♪
Fresh blades, homeslice.
Uh... thanks.
-Got 'em at a yard sale. -Word.
-Where's that? -Um...
somebody's yard.
Right place, right time.
Yeah.
You seem pretty legit, man.
You roll solo?
Uh... yeah, I'm... I'm totally alone.
I'm just Rollerblading with me.
Uh, definitely keeping away from roller-skaters.
-(others murmuring) -Hey, hey, quiet, quiet!
We do not use that word around here.
-Okay. -You are talking
about turd-rollers.
-Turd-rollers? -Yeah.
Their wheels look like little turds.
Is that what your turds look like?
Yeah. Like perfect little circles...
every time.
(blows)
Come here.
(Link mutters)
WOMAN: Hey, brother.
I dig the wheels.
Oh. Thanks.
They were my dad's.
Trippy.
-May he rest in peace. -Oh, he...
he's not dead; he just doesn't skate anymore.
-(others murmuring) -What?
I gotta tell you something.
Around here, we don't talk that way, okay?
We got a motto. Show him, Pearl.
RHETT: "Keep roller-skating even if you're old."
-Catchy. -So, are you a little bitch like your old man?
I mean, he was in an accident. He's got, like, herniated discs.
How many fruit-booters have you killed?
-Excuse me? -You know...
roller-turders.
-Roller-turders? -You know,
the douche bags that have all their wheels
in a straight line, like a line of little turds.
Uh, I haven't killed anybody.
He's a little bitch.
(laughter)
Yeah.
Maybe he is.
But now that his father's dead,
I bet he needs a new family to call his own.
Uh, again, my dad's not dead, and you guys
seem like a great group, but I have
absolutely no intention of being part of a gang.
I pledge my undying loyalty to this particular chapter
of the Greater Worldwide Skating Syndicate
Local Number 104-932.
I pledge my undying loyalty to this particular chapter
of the Greater Worldwide Blading Syndicate
Local Number 9...
913-857.
RHETT: And from this chalice,
I drink the blood of fallen skaters
and, in their honor,
promise to stand only on wheels
arranged in a rectangular pattern.
(gagging)
Number 913...
857.
Eight...
(chanting in foreign language)
-(sizzling) -(Rhett groaning)
...five?
Seven.
ALL: Mazel tov!
(cheering)
Se...
-Ven. Ven. All right. -...ven.
Uh, congratulations, Link.
What about all the other stuff...
No, no, no, no, no. He is good.
And welcome, Link!
-Yeah! -Yeah, all right.
It's like we're a family now.
You know? Like brother and sister.
Well, I mean, like orphan brother and sister.
Actually... You know what?
-You're right. -(cell phone chimes)
Um... can you give me a minute?
One minute.
WOMAN: What up, everyone? It's your girl, SuperWoman.
I feel the need to comment on the fact that Rhett and Link
are turning Good Mythical Morning
into a shopping network.
Rhett and Link have hit a new low.
They're just simply uploading commercials
to their Good Mythical Morning channel.
They have allowed their GMM channel
to get taken over by BrellLyfe.
And I'm all for sponsorships, but it's just lazy and obscene.
If this is the trend that's happening on YouTube,
I'm not gonna jump on that bandwagon.
I was nearly killed by breathing too close
to the BrellLyfe Cinnamon Dusted Basketball.
Please send them a message, along with me,
by going over to their channel and unsubscribing.
Rhett and Link have crossed over to the Dark Side.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
(sighs)
Hey, it was great getting to know all you guys,
uh, but I had a little something come up
and really need to get going, so...
I will catch you on the flip side.
No, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute.
You got one last step to your initiation here.
And what's that?
You gotta challenge a roller-turder
to a roller fight.
Roller fight?
You know, maybe you can show us where
these yard sales are so we can score some sweet kicks.
Oh, well, I-I pretty much just follow the signs.
Wow. You are very intuitive.
Whoa, whoa.
Well, what do we have here?
If it isn't a herd of turd-rollers.
Dylan.
Rhonda.
You look just as stupid and overprotected as ever.
DYLAN: What brings you out today?
They stop playing hokeypokey at the rink?
Why don't you go smack a ball
into someone's net with your little stick?
And why don't you go skate uphill 'cause it's hard?
Why don't you go hit a patch of grass
and momentarily lose your balance?
That happened one time. Whatever, Rhonda.
-"Whatever." -Whatever, Rhonda.
-No. Whatever. -What? Hey. Whatevs.
-Oh, oh, oh... -What do you want, huh? Why are you here.
If you must know, I have a rookie
who needs to challenge someone to a roller fight.
Well, isn't that convenient?
'Cause I've got a rookie
who is definitely up for that challenge.
Come here.
It's me, Link.
I know that. Listen.
YouTubers are trashing us.
We're losing subscribers.
We gotta do something.
First, we gotta fight.
We gotta make it look real.
-Come on, fight! -(others cheering)
-DYLAN: Let's go! Come on! -(chanting): Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
All right, come on, Link!
Come on!
Let me see blood!
(cheering, shouting)
(Link making punching sounds)
(Rhett making punching sounds)
(grunting, punching sounds)
(rapid grunting)
Guys.
We can all see you're just
making punching noises with your mouths.
♪ How did we get ourselves ♪
♪ Into this situation? ♪
♪ Pedally divided ♪
♪ Over wheel orientation ♪
♪ ♪
♪ You look like you stepped in the glue ♪
♪ And then stepped on some toddler's skateboard ♪
♪ But at least you're not a toddler ♪
♪ 'Cause they annoy me a lot more ♪
♪ And you look like a rejected extra ♪
♪ From that movie Battlefield Earth ♪
♪ But at least you're not a Scientologist ♪
♪ 'Cause, man, they are the worst ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Sure, there are some ♪
♪ Differences between you and me ♪
♪ You're not as cool as me ♪
♪ But we share something that makes us unique ♪
♪ We got wheels ♪
♪ That makes us better ♪
♪ Why judge each other ♪
♪ When we can judge everybody else together? ♪
♪ We've got wheels ♪
♪ That's how we roll ♪
♪ And everyone else ♪
♪ Is a butthole ♪
♪ People without wheels are buttholes ♪
♪ We shouldn't waste our lives ♪
♪ Living as roller-discriminators ♪
♪ When I think we can both agree ♪
♪ That we absolutely hate ice-skaters ♪
♪ Look at them with their frilly clothes ♪
♪ And their skates that will not roll ♪
♪ We should herd 'em into ice-skating camps ♪
♪ And never let them go ♪
♪ Sure, compared to me, you are inferior ♪
♪ But compared to the rest of the world ♪
♪ We are superior ♪
♪ We got wheels ♪
♪ That makes us better ♪
♪ Why judge each other ♪
♪ When we can judge everybody else together? ♪
♪ We've got wheels ♪
♪ That's how we roll ♪
♪ And everyone else is a butthole ♪
♪ People without wheels are buttholes ♪
♪ People without wheels are buttholes. ♪
I'm sorry, Rhonda.
Me, too.
I guess, when you boil it down,
we're all just rolling on turds.
(chuckles softly) You said it.
Yes!
Okay, bring it in, everybody.
Come on!
-(cheering) -Everybody.
(indistinct chatter)
Let's go.
♪ People without wheels are buttholes. ♪
(whooping, laughing)
Little sell-out bitches.
Did they brand you?
-What? -Never mind.
Hey, I... I don't think we can ignore Aimee anymore.
Yeah. She is not gonna pull her hand out of our potatoes.
Can we drop the whole potatoes thing?
I think we've kind of run it to the ground.
Yeah, you're right.
Let's just call her.
But we don't have her number.
She has your phone.
And we should call it.
(ringtone playing)
Hello, Rhett.
-Hello, Aimee. -(beeping)
-Can you turn that down! -(beeping stops)
So good to hear from you.
What do you want from us, Aimee?
AIMEE: Ooh.
So direct. (chuckles)
No small talk. No "How have you been all these years?"
-Oh, uh, how have you been? -Oh, hey, Link! I'm good!
Hey, you seeing anybody?
I've seen Trent.
He's a gynecologist now.
Makes sense.
Seriously, Aimee, what do you want?
What I would really like
is for the two of you guys to come meet me at my office
so we can discuss it in person.
Fine. When?
Tonight.
At midnight.
-(groans) -Midnight?
I mean, unless that's too late for you guys.
-Yeah, that is pretty late. -It's definitely late for me.
-Traffic will be light. -Parking won't be an issue.
But it's gonna mess up our eating schedule.
Might have to eat a second dinner.
We could eat pancakes.
Midnight, here! Make it happen!
She hung up.
They're coming.
Maybe we should get waffles.
Well, most places that serve pancakes
also serve waffles.
We should just make a decision when we get there.
I don't eat at those places.
Th-They gotta make a decision.
You don't eat at places that make waffles and pancakes?
Waffles and pancakes are made out of the same thing.
It's just that the shape is different.
Well, I... yeah, exactly.
Name one place that doesn't have waffles
that has pancakes.
Right now-- I'll give you five seconds.
-Five, four, three... -I'm just saying,
-two, one... -name a restaurant
where they can make a decision.