Translator: Denise RQ Reviewer: solange graham
A while back, a friend invited me to a dinner party.
It's a wonderful evening.
There's lots of people in her yard,
and her husband, who is usually pretty shy
is really outgoing that evening.
He brings us drinks, offers us hors d'oeuvres,
he says something kind, jokes around with everyone.
The next Monday, I have plans to meet my friend.
I wait for her, she's running late.
I get a call, and when I pick up, I hear her voice, panicked, saying,
"My husband, my husband! It's terrible, it's awful,"
and she hangs up.
That Monday, her husband committed suicide.
I'm stunned, speechless, I can't process what just happened
and even later on, I am incapable
of supporting my friend who is broken with suffering.
That Saturday and that phone call remain etched in my memory.
I am a caregiver at a hospital,
and in 2000, the government mandated my employer
with a public health campaign for suicide prevention.
Immediately, I want to get involved.
I apply and I'm accepted.
Despite my profession,
having already cared for people who had attempted to commit suicide,
I now discover the magnitude of the problem.
Today in France, every year,
10,500 people commit suicide.
That's three times the number of motor vehicle deaths
that we hear about so often on TV, whenever we leave for vacation.
Yet about these tragedies, we don't hear much.
That's not counting the 160,000 attempted suicides seen everyday,
every year, in hospitals,
and there are maybe even more, since not everyone goes to the hospital.
We are one of the European countries most affected by these tragedies.
So in 2000, with a prevention program,
there wasn't much information out there for the general public.
And with this prevention program with lots of great goals,
but not many instructions,
I set out to meet those most likely to deal with these tragedies.
So I go to high schools, middle schools, universities,
to centers for senior citizens, to workplaces,
and even to prisons.
And everywhere, everywhere they tell me,
"You're very kind, ma'am, but not here."
As if talking about it brought bad luck.
Or they tell me, "But, we can't do anything for them. We can't help them."
So, does that mean these people are from another planet?
No, because contemplating suicide is human.
Animals don't commit suicide.
They don't have the capacity to think that one day, they will die,
or to conceive an act against themselves.
All the researchers come to this conclusion,
you see, even the dolphins that wash up on the shore aren't suiciders.
Only a human is capable of carrying out an act against himself,
but it's when he's in agony, terribly,
because we can't be doing well and commit this act.
And of course, suicidal thoughts don't come all at once.
People go through hard situations, and difficulties
that cause them to suffer,
and when these thoughts begin to grow in people's minds
they begin to send us warning signals.
And then, sometimes, these ideas take over
and become a possible solution
to end their suffering.
And at that point, the pressure inside is so intense,
and they are in so much psychological pain,
that they are like a pressure cooker with a blocked vent, ready to explode,
and this point is extremely dangerous for them.
But what we need to understand,
is that they don't want to kill themselves,
but rather their suffering.
And what we know today is that this is a crisis point,
and this moment of crisis
is temporary and reversible.
And we can act first.
But here's the thing, when it comes to suicide
what kills the most is the taboo,
and the way this issue is portrayed.
We all experience the burden
of social and religious taboos, that have existed for centuries,
that continue to affect us today
and still cause us to have misconceptions about this suffering.
How often we hear,
"People who talk about suicide won't really do it."
In eight out of ten suicides, the person had talked about it
or shown their suffering through their behavior.
How often we also hear, "It's a cowardly thing to do."
It's a question of despair, of losing hope.
How often do we also hear, "It's their choice."
But how can someone make a choice, if they are lost in their pain?
People also say, "It's just a cry for help."
And of course, that reassures us, but it can also trivializes it.
Yes, it is a cry, "Help!", and we cry, "Help!"
whenever we are no longer able to help ourselves.
So, what prevents us from throwing them a lifeline?
Well, we're afraid.
Afraid of this suffering, we can't measure,
because it's not bleeding,
and we can't have blood taken
to check how much this person is suffering.
So, we have our doubts and think,
"Maybe this person is manipulating us."
Afraid the person will give us these thoughts of death,
that we would all rather forget about.
So, instead of hearing and listening to them, we say, "Don't think about that."
Afraid of not knowing what to do, what to say.
Afraid of having to fix the problems.
So we say,
"That's none of our business; it's a problem for professionals."
But we're the ones that are next to them.
So how do we get out of this stalemate?
How do we reach out in a way that allows them to grab our hand?
Well, the only way out is to talk about it,
and to do that, we have to step aside, move out of the way,
and get rid of the things that keep us from meeting the person,
all the things that distort our judgment.
We also have to take off our different hats,
our role as a teacher, team leader, boss,
a home health worker, a neighbor
in order to meet with the person,
and do what we all know
how to do connect with a person
who needs another person and cares about him.
And we are all able to reach out like this.
We must be able to understand
the psychological pain of these individuals.
And to do that, you know, like for physical pain,
we have a simple scale that goes from one to ten,
and we ask people, "How much pain are you in?"
and based on what people say, we trust them
and adapt our care or pain killers
in order to ease their suffering.
Well, it's the same thing for psychological pain.
At zero we're fine, at five, we're not doing very well,
and at ten, the person is in a critical condition.
And in order to be able to talk with the person,
and have this person to person connection,
we will have to hear, to listen to what the person is saying
and slowly open the valve on the pressure cooker,
so that they can release the pressure,
and don't be afraid to ask them,
"I think you're really hurting.
Are you suffering to the point of having thoughts of suicide?"
Yes, thoughts of suicide.
Everyone understands that word.
We can't misunderstand the meaning.
Whether we're young or old, we understand.
Does that scare you?
And yet, it won't contaminate their thoughts if they don't,
and at least, you will have checked.
If the person doesn't, they'll tell you,
"Oh no, I'm not doing well, but not to that extent."
But if they do, what a relief for them to talk to someone
who hears and understands this pain without judging it.
Of course, if the person does, you will need to protect them,
put a safety net around them
until this crisis point is over and they start to feel better.
Another example.
Have you ever been in the street and seen someone fall in front of you?
We don't generally step over them.
We stop, even if we have to be somewhere,
and we get down on their level,
to see what's going on,
and we're not afraid to ask them, "Are you hurt?"
And depending on their answer, you can simply reassure them a little
or perhaps call their family,
or even an emergency number.
Well today, with the risk of suicide,
this is what we'd like to do,
so everyone might be able to act in first aid situations.
Because earlier, when that person fell,
did they fall because they had a stroke?
A heart attack? A drop in blood pressure?
Or did they simply trip on a stone?
We'll know, but the professionals will be the ones to figure that out.
Simply being present, what we did in that moment,
was to buy time for life,
and maybe we can all do it.
That is the challenge that we face today in France
in the context of a national suicide prevention program.
And every day, my colleagues and I, in the Poitou-Charentes region,
we train, we inform, we raise awareness,
among police officers, bosses, home health workers,
secretaries, human resources managers, custodians,
citizens, volunteer workers,
so that their perspective might change,
so they no longer fear getting involved
when someone is suffering.
And even though 14 years ago, the doors were closed,
now today, the path is beginning to open.
And sometimes, I get a call, or a message, or an email,
like the one from Maryse, for example.
Maryse is a university professor,
and one day she just came to an event to raise awareness,
and she told me her perspective on this suffering had greatly changed.
And one day, in the class she supervised,
she noticed a young man who wasn't himself.
And then, she took the liberty of approaching him
to tell him she was concerned about him.
And she wasn't afraid to ask him the question.
And in fact, this young man had thoughts of suicide.
She she was able to put security measures in place,
and when he was doing better, he told her that she had saved his life.
We can all be like Maryse,
and we will save lives.
Never trivialize thoughts of suicide,
only silence kills.
Thank you.
(Applause)