ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY?
WELL, TO BE HONEST, THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE WALKING AROUND
THAT ARE NOT EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY, AND SOMETIMES
OUR EMOTIONS ARE OUT OF CONTROL.
WE'RE WOUNDED IN OUR SOUL FROM THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED
TO US IN THE PAST.
AND WE GET OUT IN LIFE, AND WE GET INTO RELATIONSHIPS,
AND WE TRY TO FUNCTION, AND THINGS JUST DON'T WORK OUT.
TEMPER'S OUT OF CONTROL, SELF-PITY, DISCOURAGEMENT,
DEPRESSION, ALL THESE DIFFERENT THINGS.
WHEN WE HAVE BAD BEHAVIOR THAT WE CAN'T CONTROL,
WHEN WE HAVE EMOTIONS THAT ARE OUT OF CONTROL,
THERE'S ALWAYS A ROOT SOMEWHERE.
WE HEAR PEOPLE SAY A LOT, "WELL, WE JUST NEED TO GET
TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS."
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH SOMEBODY REPEATEDLY
AND OVER AND OVER, AND YOU'VE SAID THAT?
"WE JUST NEED TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS."
WELL, WHAT YOU'RE REALLY SAYING IS, "THERE'S MORE TO THIS
THAN WHAT'S APPEARING ON THE SURFACE, AND WE NEED
TO GET DOWN TO WHAT THE REAL PROBLEM IS HERE."
I'LL GIVE YOU ONE EXAMPLE.
FOR YEARS AND YEARS IN MY MARRIAGE, I JUST FELT LIKE
THAT DAVE AND I COULD NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING AND NOT ARGUE.
AND SO I WOULD ALWAYS SAY, WHICH JUST INFURIATED HIM, "WE
JUST CAN'T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING."
AND FINALLY, HE SAID ONE DAY, "YOU KNOW, JOYCE, WE DON'T TALK,
YOU TALK AND YOU WANT ME TO LISTEN."
WELL, THE BIBLE SAYS THAT GOD WILL GUIDE US INTO ALL TRUTH.
AND THAT CAN SOUND SO LOVELY, BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
IT'S NOT GOING TO HELP YOU TO KNOW THE TRUTH
ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE.
HE WANTS TO REVEAL TRUTH TO YOU ABOUT YOU.
AND WE WORRY WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE DOING
OR ARE NOT DOING, AND WE NEED TO JUST OPEN OUR OWN LIVES UP
TO GOD AND SAY, "YOU DEAL WITH ME AND I'LL PRAY
FOR EVERYBODY ELSE, AND YOU'LL TAKE CARE
OF THAT TOO."
WELL, DAVE AND I WOULD START TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING
AND, HONESTLY, UNLESS HE AGREED WITH ME, THE FIGHT WAS ON.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: AND WE WOULD GET INTO THESE BIG ARGUMENTS
AND I WOULD GET SO CONFUSED.
I MEAN, I WOULD THINK, "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE.
IT WAS A SIMPLE THING, HOW DID WE GET FROM THERE TO HERE?"
AND THEN I WOULD YELL, "WE--I CAN'T TALK TO YOU.
WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING."
DOES ANYBODY RECOGNIZE THAT?
OKAY, I'M ABOUT TO HELP YOU.
FREE COUNSELING, AND ALL I ASKED FOR WAS A LITTLE OFFERING.
I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO SEND YOU A BILL, YOU KNOW?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: AND SO, I DID NOT KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEM WAS.
I MEAN, I JUST DIDN'T GET IT.
SO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEM WAS,
I BLAMED IT ON HIM.
AND THAT'S WHAT WE DO A LOT.
INSTEAD OF TRYING TO GET TO THE ROOT OF OUR OWN PROBLEMS,
WE BLAME EVERYTHING THAT DOESN'T GO RIGHT ON SOMEBODY ELSE.
I MEAN, EVEN IF YOU'RE UNHAPPY, YOU'RE SURE
IT'S SOMEBODY ELSE'S FAULT.
THEY SHOULD BE MAKING YOU HAPPY.
AND IT WAS A BIG CHANGE FOR ME WHEN GOD TOLD ME,
"YOU NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.
NOBODY ELSE CAN KEEP YOU HAPPY, AND NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU UNHAPPY
IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE UNHAPPY."
WELL, SEE, WE DON'T LIKE TAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.
IT'S FAR TOO EASY TO JUST BLAME, BLAME, BLAME ON EVERYBODY ELSE.
SO, I STARTED PRAYING ABOUT WHAT THE REAL PROBLEM WAS,
AND IT DIDN'T TAKE GOD VERY LONG TO SHOW ME.
THAT'S THE WAY HE GOES.
AND THE ESSENCE OF WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS WAS I HAD
A ROOT OF REJECTION IN MY SOUL
FROM THE WAY I WAS RAISED.
AND UNTIL THAT ROOT WAS DEALT WITH, THE FRUIT IN MY LIFE
WAS NEVER GOING TO CHANGE.
SO, WHEN YOU ARE A REJECTION-BASED PERSON
OR YOU'RE AFRAID OF REJECTION, IF EVERYBODY DOESN'T AGREE
WITH YOU, YOU FEEL REJECTED.
AND SO, IF DAVE AND I WERE TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION,
IF HE DIDN'T AGREE WITH ME, THEN I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO SEPARATE
WHO I WAS FROM MY OPINION.
AND SO, I HAD TO LEARN THAT JUST BECAUSE HE DISAGREED
WITH MY OPINION DIDN'T MEAN HE WAS REJECTING ME.
HE COULD REJECT MY OPINION AND STILL LOVE ME.
AND THAT WAS SUCH A MAJOR THING TO ME.
SO, MAYBE YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT.
IF YOU CAN'T SEEM TO TALK TO PEOPLE OR A CERTAIN PERSON
WITHOUT BLOWING UP IN ANGER ALL THE TIME, THEN ASK GOD TO HELP
YOU GET TO THE ROOT OF IT.
AND MAYBE ASK GOD, "DO I HAVE A," YOU KNOW,
"HOW DO I FEEL WHEN SOMEBODY DISAGREES WITH ME?
DO I FEEL INSULTED?
DO I FEEL LIKE THEY THINK I'M STUPID?
DO I FEEL LIKE THEY DON'T RESPECT ME?
DO I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING REJECTED?"
AND LEARN HOW TO BE A PERSON IN CHRIST WHO IS LOVED
AND VALUED, AND SEPARATE THAT FROM WHAT YOU THINK AND WHAT YOU
DO AND ALL THOSE OTHER MORE EXTERIOR THINGS.
DOES ANYBODY IN THE BUILDING THINK THAT MAYBE YOU'RE STILL
DEALING WITH A LITTLE ROOT OF REJECTION IN YOUR LIFE?
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]