[Applause]
good afternoon
better not bitter these were the words
that rang through my mind ten years ago
my husband at that time ex-husband at a
time had just left me and I remember
getting down on my knees and asking God
how do I get all this better not bitter
what does better look like because I
know Nelson Mandela said bitterness it's
like drinking poison and expecting
someone else to die my whole identity as
a woman as a mother as a daughter as an
employee everything suddenly was
shakable at that time I had just joined
the organization and I just want to
share with you a little bit of a
strategy that I have in getting better
not bitter and not understanding the
process of how that can actually help
you I look at this we love life and this
is something that I've known for the
longest time but have never put into
practice and the wheel lot of live talks
about the various aspects of your life
and I said let me compartmentalize
things and see how I can be better in
these various areas the first thing that
I looked at which was really really
important was my spiritual life ah
he changed the photo okay faith my god
is it well in my soul and that was
something that I had I clung on to and
just getting to know and getting into a
deeper relationship with God because I
cannot work within half empty cup I have
a cup but it was empty and I wanted a
cup that was full it's very difficult to
give if your cup is empty and I had to
focus on working on the inside working
on my anchor and understanding myself a
little bit more on how I could
continued right and my feet had to be on
solid ground and this is what people
don't see on the inside and you've got
to work on the inside so that was the
first thing I had to look at
strengthening my faith taking the time
to go to Sri Lanka you know Mandy pretty
Washington you know take a bath in the
well and understanding how people lived
and that was just getting to know me
again through the eyes of God the second
thing was taking care of my health we
know about endorphins and dopamine and
the natural high that we get from
exercise and I remember then it was ten
years ago how the so pivotal I decided
let me do something and I joined boot
camp and just with people I didn't know
I said I know it's a natural way to be
happy there is the other option called
the pub which I didn't think was very
healthy and so and making new friends
that I was saying and saying to myself
you know what I'm gonna register for the
my my my first 10 kilometer run this is
something very big for me for someone
who did not move who did not do any
physical exercise so it's just a
decision that I decided to take and I'm
I'm so glad I did it because that simple
step in the last 10 years have taken me
on various various journeys around the
world and I'll share with that a little
bit about you know running whether it's
I did my first full marathon in
Australia 2015 five years ago but along
the way I've ran in the streets of Spain
I go for running tours I go for running
in Kazakhstan running from Asia to
Europe because you cross that bridge in
Turkey rain running in Croatia in a
vineyard and so I'm so glad I made the
journey ten years ago and slowly surely
I think I got better the other thing was
family that's my son my deaf I grew up
in a family where I had
oddly loving parents loving Asian
parents that showed affection to each
other and so I never had a family that
hugged a family that held two others so
I had to redefine who family was and and
he was it is very disheartening to to
not give my son what I had and so how
then do I redefine family your family is
anybody that you choose to have in life
they don't have to be blood my spiritual
family is important my exercise family
my family at work yes the son who has
now 17 18 years old does not want to
have anything to do with the mother and
for the longest time even after I was
separated my ex-mother-in-law continued
to live with me and because we had a
great relationship and I need a
stability for my son but these are the
things that I had to do and I had to say
what is my new family what can I do to
extend myself I come from sir our I
don't have any siblings here in in West
Malaysia so who is then my family so it
takes and you find that because you
extend your difference expand your
definition of family you have a larger
family so yes there he is adorable ever
the next thing I did was to look at
finance right and this is this is when
you talk about when I share the wheel of
life this is something that's so
important and it was now that I am a
single mother right how then do you look
at your finances and even before then if
you're starting out in life look at your
finances and look at being financially
independent how do you expect so some of
the things I did was to do other things
to earn extra income as you know I do MC
work I do other things I write books I
do all these other things I looked at my
EPF I looked at getting insurance
properly insured because you know women
we have extra bits and bobs that need to
be insured more
the men and you know and I have seen
many many stories of people who have
been wiped out financially because of
health right so I looked at managing my
finances a little bit better it and I
talked about the Wheel of Life earlier
this is something that I look at every
year because I'm very mindful that these
are all the things that are important in
life where the relationship broke down
with the husband cannot be all his fault
as much as I like to say that it is but
it's also a case of did I not pay
attention to that relationship with him
that led to the breakdown so this is
something that I look at and review
every year some things take more
attention than the other but I'm very
mindful that all these things come into
play and what is important for me now
and I look back and I'm just trace on
the photos here I look back at my life
but because I look at it every year I
can see what has happened in the last
ten years and you know what ten years
blink of an eye is just gonna pass okay
friendships this is just one of that
many many friends I have these are
friends that when I first came out to
kuala lumpur working for a public
relations company and my friendships are
very important after this I'm meeting a
friend and another friend later on there
are investments friendships are
investments make time for friends
schedule time with friends schedule time
at different people I don't need the big
group I just need the one-on-ones and
have real conversations right and and
these are the people who have been with
me during my most trying times because
I've invested in these friendships and
so and an extension of my family as well
so looking at being with friends is so
crucial and we don't think it's that we
don't need to have a lot like I say you
have a few good ones I'm very thankful
though because of the work that I do I
do have a lot of friends in different
areas in my life that talks to me about
things and keeps me humble tells me as
it is and tells me in my face and I and
I need this so these are just friends
from twenty thirty years ago I have
friends from primary school
I grew up in Brunei I have friends in
secondary school where I grew up in sera
WA I have friends from when I was
working in coaching for a short time as
a receptionist in the hotel I have
friends from working in IBM before I
joined BFM so one I'm so glad that I
continued to connect with these
friendships right and also remove some
friendships as well
people who zap your energy right you can
quietly extricate them out of your life
because if they don't deserve your
headspace you might come out of it a
little bitter as well
okay now Korea is something of I it is
an important part and I want to talk
about it from life stages when we look
at life stages in life in my 30s when my
son was in his when he was younger I
took a job at IBM because it was a job a
regional job that allowed me to work
from home and that was my priority when
it came to family at that time my
priority in Korea at that moment was
keep job that was all my focus was but I
also know that children are temporary
guests in your household they will grow
up and they will have their own lines
and then I slowly looked at how I can
then evolve my career and and you know
and know that I am NOT emotionally a
type of course I am emotionally attached
but that you know he knows that mom's
gonna be okay all right with or without
him right
so I needs to know that because he needs
to move on in life so of late my career
is important I think like in the last
couple of years at BFM you know
interviewed many other people I've
looked at I know that communication is
my essence but how that communication
evolved is into writing books into
speaking into moderating into all these
things so now the focus is on building
my career and I think this is something
that's important at this point in my
life this life stage in my life and
maybe things will evolve every year I
look at how things need to move
differently mindful there were beliefs
ok fun this is a this is simple we need
to schedule fun right and I'm saying
this because I didn't schedule fun for
the longest time it was more like one
day when I need and I understand like I
said life stages where I needed to save
money to pay for the house and buy the
car and I am but schedule fun fun
doesn't need to be expensive fun can be
a walk at the park fun can be you're
taking some time out now I like to look
at my idea of fun is doing things that
I've never done before I love going for
concerts
this is u2 in Singapore I've gone around
the world looking for you know favourite
bands if you're travelling and I if I'm
travelling and I try to incorporate a
couple of things in it whether it's is
definitely running definitely music and
this is how I have fun so my idea of fun
is my next holiday and the next one
actually is doing a hundred kilometer
walk over five six days in Spain the
Camino Santiago so that's the plan
so you incorporate fun you incorporate
exercise you know and learn something in
the process so make time for it
like I said it doesn't have to be
anything expensive but carve out time
for that because I think I missed out on
a lot of good years thinking fun will
come later
right and then no time for fun yeah okay
mental this is also something very
important as you leave University I know
for me learning is such an important
a value in my life and that I continue
to learn I do things that are come
completely out of my comfort zone and
just to make sure that it's always
working I'm grateful that I'm in a job
that allows me to learn things every day
that I'm able to talk to people every
day and learn something new so I get
excited I to this day after 11 years at
BFM I get excited for Monday on Who am I
going to speak to on Monday and that's a
very it's a priceless thing so mental I
read I read a lot there are always a
couple of books with me at any one time
I don't really spend time on novels I
prefer a biographies of people who have
achieved great things and just new new
ideas so reading and taking up strange
causes like jewelry making because that
is also not a natural gift but I want to
learn what goes behind it just like pole
dancing also not a natural gift I'm
currently doing a course in design
thinking because I feel that that's the
way at the future with IR 4.0 and what
what what is the process of creativity
right and that's something that's
interesting for me and find something
else and you know as you grow in life we
talked about skilling rescaling and all
that you know when you graduate continue
learning
you've got TED conferences you got TEDx
you can learn from just watching people
and with ideas okay community this is
also another part that I never spent
much time on what I could give
financially was 20 years ago I started
sponsoring kids with World Vision and I
didn't realize this - 20 years and I
like the idea behind World Vision
because it was something that helped a
community although he say you sponsor a
child they're really helping the
community so just last year right just
last year I was
to be this year I was asked by an
advocate for world vision under the
clean water and sanitary hygiene area
and it's really important when I didn't
really I didn't realize that the idea of
collecting water clean water in some of
the places in the world meant that the
children could not go to school because
they had to travel a distance to collect
water usually girls and along the way
the girls will also get attacked just
because they have no access to clean
water and here we are turning on the tap
and here we are in our air-conditioned
hall enjoying you know the rain outside
we're nicely you know cocoon in here so
that's when I talk about the Wheel of
Life I hope this is something that you
look on it's never too late or too early
to start with The Wheel of Life look at
all these various aspects of your life
and depending on your life stage you
know whether you're in your will be
twenties thirties forties fifties look
at that and see how you can involve so I
just want an end off we're saying you
know it's been a distance I am still
striving to be better not bitter there
are moments when things still Chee's me
off but I think in the last ten years
this journey upon the wheel of life has
definitely helped me and that was the
reason why as well as we look at people
around us and we know that we have
developed we have talents we have skills
and that we're all successful we're all
called to do different things right and
to be to know that it is to be
comfortable with what you're called to
do not everyone's called to do radio not
everyone's called to be a doctor you
know so not everyone's called to be a
politician right and to be comfortable
in your skin and that was the reason why
I wrote in my last book to be
comfortable in your skin we're all
called to do different things so you
know I hope this is food for thought as
the weekend is almost over
thank you for your time and I hope you
got something out of this thank you
you