Hey, guys. So I know for a lot of you, the title is probably a little
confusing because it's, you know, off the pill and babies.
Well, it has nothing to do with actually being off, like, a pregnancy pill. This is a really unfortunate coincidence. Off
the Pill is a series of rants that I used to do, like, a long time ago.
Some of you guys might remember, but I know that there's a lot of you who are a little newer and
probably don't know what this is because I haven't done this in, like, I don't know, over five years.
So basically for those that don't know, the Off the Pill name came from the idea that those were the days that I didn't take
my ADHD medication, and basically I would just rant about any random thing that came to my mind.
Although sometimes they were a little too random, where I would, like, go a little too off-topic or I would just cut away to these random
skits or jokes, and usually it was just a really bad pun, so bad to the point where I had to explain it.
That's what he said. See what I did there? That's right. It's gonna be even bett-ber. See what I did there?
SHUT UP!
That was Smosh.
But yeah,
that's why I liked this series, because I could just be me speaking my mind. Not sure other people liked it as much as I
did, but anyway, the reason why I stopped doing this series and these types of videos and stuck more with, you know, scripted skits
and stuff was because, well, I...
I was a huge coward.
Because...
You know, "moo," because, like, cows' words are like, "Moo." It's like, "cow word."
Sorry.
See, because sometimes when I would do these videos and I was just, like, freestyling, I would say some things that were not too
well thought out. I mean, they were my honest opinions. But sometimes-- well, a lot of times they were very unpopular ones, and honestly,
I just got scared of making them as, you know, people got more and more politically correct.
I just didn't want to offend anyone. Well, not anymore. I'm bringing them back because I'm smarter now. I'm better now. I've evolved.
Okay, I'm no longer some little timid Caterpie hiding in his little Metapod. I'm Butterfree now. Sorry, guys.
I also used to make a lot of Pokemon references back then when it was a little more relevant, but Onix-ly,
I don't think people really appreciated them. Anyway, as I was saying before I went completely off-topic as usual,
I'm no longer afraid to do this series anymore because I think I really have gotten smarter.
You know, I'm not gonna say things that are just gonna offend people.
I know how to give an opinion now being a little bit more PC and most of all I just know how to not
upset the majority of the masses by giving a controversial opinion on something that I really-- I hate babies, okay?
(audience gasps)
There, you got it out of me. Okay, obviously, that's an exaggeration. I don't hate babies that much.
I know. I know it's like, what? Ryan's baby hater. How can you hate a baby?
I can't believe you're a baby hater. Oh, how can you hate a baby?
They're so innocent. Why are all of our hands up like this when we talk? Well, just hear me out real quick.
And this isn't quite what I wanted to talk about in this video.
But I just have to say this. Babies are
stereotypically one of the most innocent things in the world. Like, if you were to make a list of the most innocent things in the
world, it'd probably be like, babies and then, like, puppies and trees.
Puppies first, babies, trees.
F--k trees. And because they're so innocent, it's really hard to be critical of them.
But if you really break it down and you really think about it, babies, they-- they freaking suck...
figuratively and
literally, like, for one,
I'm at that very old age right now where a bunch of my friends and my classmates and peers around my age are starting to
have kids and they'll go on their social media and they'll post, like, these pictures of their newborn babies.
Like, I'm talking like right after their birth and write, like, a caption like, oh, my gosh. She's so beautiful.
Oh, he's changed my life for the better. He's such a cute baby. Uh, blah-blah-blah. I sound like an ass right now, but
almost at the point. Hear me out. Everybody in the comments are like, Oh, congrats. She's so beautiful. OMG. She's so beautiful. Congrats.
He's adorable. So cute. So cute. So coyote. Kawaii! And yes, I'm not saying that babies aren't cute.
I think a lot of babies-- not all, but I think a lot of babies are cute.
But newborns? I can't be the only one that thinks that newborn babies are a little gross looking.
They're all red and wrinkly, beady eyes gunk all over them. Yep, and now you can see why I stopped making this series.
I mean, this wasn't even the point I wanted to talk about in this video. Let's just get to that,
right?
The whole reason why I even started thinking about babies is because last week I came across this video about this new movement.
I don't know if you guys heard about it. It's called "theybies."
(trying different pronunciations) I don't know how they pronounced it. Sounds more like a disease to me than a movement. Ooh.
He's got the theybies. And basically, if you haven't heard about this movement, apparently,
parents are starting to raise their kids as these theybies, which basically means that they're raising their kids with no gender.
So they're not a boy or a girl. They just a theyby. Theyby.
I don't know why they had to call it that. It's not like babies is a gendered word.
You can still call them babies. But anyway, so basically these parents raising these babies or theybies, I guess, as gender-neutral,
so basically,
they're not telling them they're a boy or a girl as they're growing up because they want the baby to decide on its own which
gender it wants to be. 100% serious. This a real thing.
You can look it up, and you guys know, I don't normally speak out about, you know, more serious controversial topics.
But that's the thing. When I first saw this video, I didn't think it was serious.
I literally thought it was a joke, and I'm sorry.
I know this will offend a lot of people, especially the people who are already a part of this this movement.
But I think it's ridiculous. Look, I'm all for the transgender community and the gay community and the lesbian
LGBTQ...RSTUV. I don't know. There's too many letters now.
I'm all for people doing whatever the hell they want to do,
as long as it's not hurting other people. But to be honest, I think this one has gone a step too far.
I think it is harming people. It's harming the babies. These theybies are gonna be so confused.
Maybe not when they're with their parents, but when they start to meet other babies and those babies are like,
What do you mean? You're not a he or a she?
These parents are almost guaranteeing that this kid is gonna get bullied when he grows up. She grows up. They grow up.
That's why they called it theybies. And the thing is I like to think I'm a very open-minded person.
I'm always open to hearing new ideas. But this is like, come on.
You got to be a little
realistic here. A baby should not be able to make a decision as important as that.
In fact, a baby should not be able to make any decisions at all on other than which
toy to play with, and even then, we decide which toys the baby can choose from, because babies are freaking idiots.
There's a reason why we don't treat them like adults, because if we did, I'm pretty sure that would be considered abuse.
(snoring)
Wah. Wah, wah, wah. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
Wah. Wah, wah, wah. Wah, wah, wah.
Wah. Wah, wah, wah.
Hey!
Shut up!
Wah.
(grunts, farts)
Wait. Did he just--
(laughter)
Oh, you crazy, man.
(laughter)
Oh, you crazy, man.
Wah.
Damn. He's been down there for a while.
Yeah, like four minutes now.
He's crazy, man.
Wah.
And I know you can argue that these babies aren't actually making decisions till they're a little bit older, like when they can talk.
Whether that's like age two or three, I don't know when babies start talking.
But I'm pretty sure at that age they can still answer the question. Are you a boy or a girl?
Yes or no, or they can say boy or girl by then, and that's still way too young to be deciding anything.
I mean, even if they were four years old or five, I mean,
have you ever talked to a five year old before? They're still really, really dumb.
(doorbell rings)
Hey, good to see you again.
Hey, you too.
I see you brought little Timmy here with you.
I did. Say hi.
Hi.
He acts like he's so shy at times, but once you get him going.
What'd you do today, Timmy?
Um...
well...
My mom took me to the park, and then we went on the swings.
Yeah.
Then I swanged on the swings, and I swingeded.
Wow.
The swings, that sounds like so much fun.
And then-- and then, I, um...
Then I swingeded for two whole times.
Wow, two whole times. That's awesome.
And then--
and then
after there wa-- there was a green ball, and-- and the ball came by me and I kicked the ball.
I kicked it, and then it was rolling on-- on the grass, which was green,
like, the ball was green with the grass and the
green ball was green, and it was green, and it was green, and then he was greens so the ball-- and the ball was--
It's green, you idiot!
Okay, obviously,
I'm going a little over the top, but you guys get the point. Any rational person knows that little kids,
let alone babies, aren't developed enough to make these kind of life-changing decisions.
I mean, if this movement is really
About the kids and about these babies and giving them the power to choose, why stop at gender? What's next? Why not
let kids choose their own name?
Why did you get to choose? Instead of a normal name, why not just ask the kid when they first start talking, what's your name?
Why can't the kid be named Mama or Dada or goo-goo or gaga?
I guess it could be Gaga. Huh. Maybe that's why. Lady Gaga is a theyby. Now
we know. I guess that does make you more successful. See, and that's just the beginning.
Why do you get to dress your kid up when you go out in public?
What if it wants to run around naked. You don't know. Or why do you get to choose what the baby eats?
Shouldn't you just take it to the market and let it point at what it wants? Why do you put diapers on them?
Why do you potty-train them?
Why do you get to decide where the baby can and can't go poop? That-- that is butthole oppression, because
buttholes and babies should be able to express their buttholes
wherever they want. Where am I going with this? This why I need my meds. And by the way,
you better not be picking up,
carrying, or touching your baby in any way before it can speak, because if it can't speak it can't consent. If it can't consent,
that's assault. And also, the baby did not consent to be born. So you
basically kicked it out of its home. You did that. Okay, this is ridiculous. That is my point. You don't need a baby's consent.
We don't give babies those choices, because we know what's best for them, because babies and little kids are just useless, loud
disease-carrying moochers that depend on adults to take care of them and make decisions for them because they're just too stupid and just physically
pathetic to be able to survive on their own!
Wow, what is wrong with me? I really do hate kids.
Eh, you guys get the point. You can probably see why I
enjoy this series and why a lot of people get a little mad.
So, I'm sorry to all the people that I probably offended. Obviously, I'm half joking when I say that I hate kids.
I don't actually hate kids, but my points remain the same, and don't get me wrong. I do love kids.
In fact, I want to have a kid one day.
I just don't want to have a baby. But who knows, you know?
Maybe all it takes is for me to just mature a little and for me to experience it myself.
Maybe there's something I'm missing because I'm not there to experience it myself.
Maybe if I had a baby of my own, I'd be so in love with it and blinded by the
potential of what could be that I'd love every aspect of it,
even the negatives. Even as a newborn, maybe if it's my own kid,
I won't see the newborn as like this dirty, red, gross-looking, squishy thing and
I'll see the true beauty, the potential of what could be, the actual
miracle of life.
Yeah, no, that's-- that's still gross. That is-- come on, that is-- that's gross, right? I think definitely that's theybies.