Here are the craziest facts North Koreans are supposed to believe!
9 - Kim Jong-il was superhuman
Kim Jong-il, the former supreme leader of North Korea, had many skills.
Just to showcase one of the supposed superhuman skills he was supposed to have, he supposedly
invented the hamburger!
Yep that’s right, the staple of western fast food for generations was dreamed up by
the then Supreme Leader.
Minju Joson, the North Korean state-run government newspaper publication, credits Kim Jong-il
with creating the hamburger.
According to the paper, the leader invented a brand new sandwich and named it, “double
bread with meat.”
The new food was invented to supply quality nutrition to teachers and students.
Next, a plant was supposed to be set-up for mass “double bread with meat” production.
That’s not the only outrageous claim made about Kim Jong il.
Ever wished you didn’t need to pee?
Or poop?
Well, you can for sure learn a thing or two from the former Dear Leader.
His body was so well adjusted, he just didn’t need to go to the bathroom.
That’s right, he never used the bathroom, which is something Kim Jong-un learned as
well!
An official biography posted on the North Korean state website said that he just didn’t
sh*t.
Strangely enough, that biography has now been removed.
You know what?
I can’t help but think that his body just wasn’t that well adjusted enough, because
you know, he did di3.
Before he di3d though, he had a pretty spectacular life as a sports star too.
Yep, move over Tiger, get out of the way Sergio, you guys have nothing on Kim Jong-il!
His official biography says that he first picked up a golf club in 1994 while visiting
North Korea’s only golf course.
In his first golf game ever, he went on to shoot 38 under par, with no fewer than eleven
holes in one.
The former supreme leader was also a fashion icon around the world, and if that’s not
enough for you to fall head over heels for him, when he was born, winter turned to spring
and a new star appeared in the sky!
I mean…...to be honest, if I were making up things about myself, I’d choose other
things.
Oh yeah, his birth also prompted the appearance of a double rainbow.
The only problem is that official Soviet records paint quite a different picture.
It appears that Kim Jong il was actually born in the Siberian village of Vyatskoye in 1941.
Slightly less glorious, but hey, a pesky Soviet record isn’t gonna stop their government!
8 - wonder drug of North Korea
Ever heard of Kumdang 2?
Well you should have, because according to the government of North Korea, it’s the
wonder drug that cures both Ebola and AIDS……....and also MERS and tuberculosis.
The name means "golden sugar" in Korean.
In case you’re wondering where to get some, it’s manufactured by the Pugang Pharmaceutical
Company.
The Korea Central News Agency announced in 2015 that this ginseng based drug contains
small amounts of rare earth metals and trace amounts of gold and platinum.
According to its official website, it was tested in Africa where it was injected into
its subjects and every single one of them noted an improvement in their various conditions
with 56 percent being completely cured – all without side effects!
Not content with the already impressive list of ills it can remedy, the North Korean government
also claimed the drug to be a cure for morning sickness, cancer, bird flu, diabetes, arthritis,
infertility and “harm from the use of computers”.
Thank goodness, because I definitely need this drug now.
I’m just happy it basically covers everything that might pop up in my life!
What I’m really trying to say is: We’re all saved.
7 - The Japanese stole time
North Koreans were told for nearly a hundred years that the Japanese stole time from them
back in 1919 during their occupation.
Korea was under direct Japanese rule for 35 years from 1910 when the Joseon dynasty ended
to the end of the second world war in 1945, when the United States and the Soviet Union
occupied the Korean peninsula.
North Korea was in the same time zone as both Japan and South Korea until the 70th anniversary
of Korea’s liberation, in 2015.
2015 was obviously a big year for North Korea because Kim Jong-Un decided to reset the current
standard time by thirty minutes to celebrate the country's liberation from quote 'wicked
Japanese imperialists' back in 1945.
They’re the only country in the world in the Pyongyang time zone, which is eight and
a half hours ahead of UTC – Coordinated Universal Time.
Well…...I mean, when you’re the new supreme ruler, everyone’s on your time.
6 - What Famine?
During the 1990s, North Korea faced severe famine.
The North Korean famine and the accompanying general economic crisis are known as the Arduous
March in North Korea.
Though estimates of the breath toll during this terrible time vary wildly, it’s known
that hundreds of thousands of citizens lied following an extensive series of floods in
the mid 90’s which covered around 30 percent of the country, followed almost immediately
by serious droughts.
North Korea soon instigated austerity measures, dubbed the "eat two meals a day" campaign.
Two meals a day would be a luxury with what actually happened.
The term "Arduous March" became a metaphor for the famine following a state propaganda
campaign in 1993.
The Rodong Sinmun urged the North Korean citizenry to invoke the memory of an apocryphal fable
from Kim Il-sung's time as a commander of a small group of anti-Japanese guerrilla fighters.
As part of this state campaign, uses of words such as 'famine' and 'hunger' were banned
because they implied government failure.
Citizens who said breaths were because of famine could have been in serious trouble
with authorities.
Resourceful North Koreans who have a long history of gathering roots and barks to add
a kick to their meals, were also reported to be bulking up food rations with grass.
The official state line was that this was just a food shortage and conditions were because
of bad weather and the failure of implementing Kim’s teachings.
They said that the situation outside the country was far worse in comparison and then went
on to declare sawdust to be a nutritious supplement and encouraged people to add it to their meager
rations.
5 - The Peace Village
In North Korea’s part of the demilitarized zone on the border with South Korea stands
a village called Kijong Dong, which literally translates to Peace Village.
Kijong Dong is one of two villages in the DMZ, the other being Daeseong Dong, its South
Korean counterpart which stands in stark contrast.
The official position of the North Korean government is that the village contains a
200-family collective farm, which is serviced by a child care center, kindergarten, primary
and secondary schools, and a hospital.
The buildings are bright white, with multi-story apartments with blue roofs.
And oh yeah, they’re all supplied with electricity.
Around the buildings are a large number of well cultivated fields.
Outside North Korea it’s very a different story.
The village is known elsewhere by the name Propaganda Village.
Observation from the other village in South Korea suggests that the town is an uninhabited
village built in the 1950s in a propaganda effort to encourage South Korean defection
and to house North Korean soldiers manning the DMZ.
The buildings are merely concrete shells which lack windows and even interior rooms.
Lights in the buildings are apparently set by timers and the streets are kept clean and
tidy to preserve the illusion of occupation.
Loudspeakers are attached to buildings and blare out messages which originally declared
the virtues of North Korea and urged soldiers and farmers to cross the border and be welcomed
as brothers.
Eventually, as its value in inducing defections proved minimal, the content was switched to
anti-Western speeches, agitprop operas, and patriotic marching music for up to 20 hours
a day.
For a period from 2004 to 2016, both North and South agreed to end their loudspeaker
broadcasts at each other.
However, the broadcasts have since resumed after escalating tensions as a result of the
January 2016 nuclear test.
4 - Kim Jong-un is a genius
I mentioned the former Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il and his amazing feats, but let’s
not forget that he was succeeded by Kim Jong-un, the CURRENT Supreme Commander of North Korea
who’s no less fantastical than his father.
According to the state, Kim Jong-un is a genius with a thorough knowledge of politics, culture,
and military affairs.
Schooled in Switzerland, Kim Jong-un, according to state media and a manual on what to teach
North Korean school children, was not only a gifted sailor as a youth winning a yacht
race against none other than the CEO, a foreign yacht company at the tender age of nine, but
he also learned to drive as a toddler.
I mean…….can’t they make up at least slightly believable lies?!
Speaking of unbelievable lies, ahem, excuse me, I meant unbelieveable FACTS, Kim Jong-un
also doesn’t use the bathroom, just like his father.
Kim Jong-un is also reported to be a composer of musical scores and a skilled artist.
To be honest, I’d love to get a monthly magazine about Kim Jong-un and his exploits…..it’d
be the perfect type of bathroom reading material to help get things going!
3 - Everybody loves North Korea
It certainly seems like North Korea is the laughingstock of countries all across the
world, even though North Korea works as hard as they can to keep this from happening.
When Kim Il-sung’s personality cult began to emerge in the late 1950s, the North Korean
media dedicated a lot of time to talking about how popular he was around the world.
Ever since then, the popularity of North Korea has been core to the country’s propaganda.
Today, almost every one of North Korea’s major newspapers will publish at least one
piece on the activities of Kim supporters worldwide.
The North Korean people are constantly reminded that their country and leaders are respected
across the world – not only because of the might of their weapons, but also because of
the ingenuity of their ideas!
North Koreans are bombarded with propaganda which paints their country as a major player.
Their leaders are supposed to be figures who inspire admiration across the world.
One article claimed that 450 streets in 100 countries have been named after Kim Il-sung!
If reports are actually to be believed, North Korean citizens are convinced that the rest
of the world sees them in a glowing light.
Official sources tell the people of North Korea that they’re an incredibly important
country on the global scene, that their leaders are the most powerful on the planet, and that
they’re universally loved.
In addition to those tidbits, every country in the world celebrates the Dear Leader’s
birthday – of course they do.
At this point, I’m just wondering how much the people actually believe versus what they
pretend to believe…..
2 - No internet to protect the west
Let’s take a minute or two to look at the internet.
Imagine for a moment that it didn’t exist.
Maybe you’re one of the lucky people that remember life before the internet.
Almost like the dark ages right?!
While the internet obviously does exist, only a handful of state officials are allowed access
to it.
There’s some broadband and even fibre optic infrastructure in the country, but it tends
to be between major government installations and it’s not widespread.
Online services for citizens and most institutions is strictly limited to a domestic only network
called Kwangmyong and while there’s been a 3G network since 2013, its use is limited
to foreigners only.
Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and South Korean websites have all been blocked since 2016
for reasons that I don’t think I need to explain.
North Korea itself only has 28 websites.
The fascinating thing about this internet blackout is the official reasons given by
the state – it’s that they’re trying to protect the reputation of the west.
How considerate of them!
1 - The US Started the Korean War
It’s no secret that relations between North Korea and the United States have never been
great.
Actually, they’re pretty hostile.
This has been the case since the Korean war of the early 1950s and continues to this day.
The history of that war is pretty well documented as the first military action of the Cold War
began when some 75,000 soldiers from the North Korean army poured across the 38th Parallel
– the boundary between North and South Korea.
Pick up a book in North Korea though and the story is very different.
Official state records show that the United States started the war by occupying South
Korea and then attacking the peaceful and unsuspecting North Korea.
The story goes that the US tried to take control of the North but Kim Il-sung heroically fought
back against American troops who retreated in defeat.
North Korean media maintain that the United States still occupies South Korea to this
day and citizens are continually told that the US is preparing to attack them.
Furthermore, North Koreans are told that South Korea continues to suffer under the rule of
the United States and that anyone trying to cross into the American occupied country will
be shot on sight as they attempt to do so.
Here’s what’s next!