Announcer: It's time for Would You Rather? Live,
with your host, Daniel Tosh,
or would you rather Dave Chappelle?
Audience: Dave Chappelle!
It's not gonna happen!
One of my favorite games to play in the workplace
is "Would You Rather."
But after 10 seasons, everyone on my staff
has agreed to [bleep] their mom by now.
So that's why I'm gonna play it with my studio audience live!
Reboot!
Feel free to play along at home, too.
First audience member, where are you from?
-Alabama. [ Laughs ] -Alabama, nice.
Did you go to the University of Alabama?
Oh, of course.
-Oh, Roll Tide, huh? -Roll Tide.
Sorry, UCF. -Don't apologize to UCF.
Uh, we were undefeated, we beat Auburn.
Who did you guys lose to?
[ Audience groans ]
All right, would you rather
never have any dessert
or never have any bread?
Oh. [ Inhales sharply ] [ Audience murmuring ]
Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
That's the way I react to that one.
Um, I guess dessert.
Do you consider candy a dessert?
-No. No. -I don't either.
So you can still have candy,
'cause I've never been to a restaurant
and under dessert, it says, like, "candy."
Would you rather take 17 years off your life
or be 9 inches shorter?
[ Laughter ]
17 years off my life.
I mean, I'm not gonna argue with you.
Would you rather wrestle an alligator
or wrestle your dad naked?
[ Audience groans ] Oh.
Aw, damn.
Wrestle my dad naked.
[ Audience groans ]
Don't judge Angela!
Would you rather eat every meal from 7-Eleven...
[ Laughter ]
...or only speak
using an offensive, stereotypical Indian accent?
[ Laughs ]
I'm gonna go with the accent.
[ Laughter ]
Would you rather get a nosebleed during every lovemaking session,
or, every Christmas,
an extended family member gets murdered?
[ Laughter ]
Jesus Christ.
Which would you rather?
Uh, I would go with the nosebleed.
How much -- How much sex do you have?
No. [ Laughter ]
Yeah, sure, one of you guys. You guys know each other?
-Yeah. [ Speaks indistinctly ] -You're roommates next year?
The f-- Am I supposed to celebrate that?
[ Laughter ]
Hey. No, we're -- we're in college.
You know what? Give that -- Give that mic --
I would rather your friend.
[ Laughter ]
Ouch.
-Would you rather... -Okay.
...go deaf for three years
or share floss one time
with a homeless person who probably has AIDS?
[ Audience groans ]
I'd go with his floss, I mean --
I agree with you, because I said,
"probably has AIDS,"
so that's not definitively. -Yeah, there we go.
And I wouldn't floss, like, aggressive.
I would be ramming it up there like --
Would you rather get a throbbing erection
any time you're near a child...
[ Audience laughs, groans ]
...or scream the "N" word
any time someone says "Barack Obama"?
[ Laughter ]
I'd rather go to commercial.
We'll be right back with more World's Sluttiest Charities.
[ Applause ]
♪♪