In this video, we're going to talk about how to tell if your ex is pretending to be over
you. We'll uncover five signs that they are just pretending, but first, my name is Clay
with MODERNLOVE.LIFE. We hope you get the great, loving relationship that you're looking
for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard to get and without having
to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because you deserve to be loved
with for the unique, amazing and wonderful person that you are. And if you agree with
me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up. And if you're new here, this is maybe
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Also, I wanted to let you know that we do have our course, called The Ex Solution Program.
It takes everything that we've talked about in all of these videos and really lays out
a full plan for you to get back together with your ex. It takes you on a journey of the
five stages that your ex goes through, takes you through each of those stages, helps you
to develop a deeper emotional connection to advanced relational skills. And of course,
we obviously also talk about strategy, what to say, what to text, when to do all these
sorts of things and so on and so forth. Anyway, if you want to learn more about that, you
can find info on that down in the description box for this video. But with that being said,
let's go ahead and get into the meat for this video.
So how can you tell if your ex is just pretending to be over you? This can happen. I've seen
it many times before. We do live in a weird, bizarre society where people try to make it
look like they are over their ex, even if they're not. Because we, for some reason,
believe that if we can put up the right façade that we are over our ex, that we somehow win
the breakup. Whoever cares the least controls the relationship, if it's even a relationship
anymore. That's a very common fortune cookie type of advice that a lot of people get out
there. I don't agree with it. I've talked about that before in the past, but it is still
a very common belief, perception, that a lot of people have out there. So let's go ahead
and talk about how you can tell if your ex is just pretending to be over you.
The first way that you can tell is if they rebound into a rebound relationship with someone
who is very different or very similar to you. Now obviously, a rebound relationship is definitely
a sign that they still have some work to do themselves. A rebound relationship is the
sign of emotional unavailability. It means there's still some healing that needs to happen
on an emotional level for them before they're actually able to go out there and have a fresh
relationship that is not really rooted on things in the past. We made an entire series
on rebound relationships. You can go ahead and check that out up there if you missed
it or you're curious to know more about rebound relationships. So that's there for you. But
if your ex is in a rebound relationship, there are obviously a lot of signs and a lot of
ways that this can kind of present itself that would demonstrate they're not over you.
Things like psychological displacement, trying to fast forward their new relationship up
to the same level that they had with you. So it took you and them like a year to talk
about moving in together. It takes their new person and them maybe just a few months or
a few weeks to get to that point of commitment. I don't know if anyone's rushing to move in
with one another right now, given the situation and all that, but it's been things that we
have seen before in the past. And if you're watching this from many, many years in the
future, I hope that we're back to normal life by then. Right now we're in this whole pandemic
thing, but please leave a comment if you're from the future and everything is normal and
wonderful again. So that is definitely a way that you can tell if your ex is pretending
to be over you. The second way that you can tell that your
ex might be pretending to be over you is if they don't mourn the breakup or the relationship
that you had and they seem to bounce back into some sort of very happy kind of state,
almost immediately. Maybe they're talking about all the wonderful things that they're
doing on social media. Maybe they're rebounding into a new relationship. Maybe they're doing
things like that. If they are just bypassing the whole natural, completely normal, completely
understandable period of mourning the loss of a relationship that they had with you,
then that just shows that they're kind of papering it over with the perception of feeling
good. Again, there's this perception that if we
just do the things that someone who is over their ex or over their breakup would do, then
that makes us over our ex over our breakup. Obviously, that's not true. Obviously, that's
completely silly. Like if I just went out and got the best mountain climbing gear, it's
not going to somehow make me into a world class mountain climber. I'm still going to
be probably really terrible at it because I've never really done it before, so I have
no reason to actually think I'd have any sort of skill. But just having the right tools
or just doing the things that someone else would do is not going to cause the emotional
stuff behind the scenes to actually fall into place.
The third sign that your ex is just pretending to be over you is if there is a dramatic change
in their behavior after the breakup, especially if it reflects a change in values on their
part. So yeah, we do have values that sort of direct where we go in life and what our
attention is focused on. And yes, these values can absolutely change as we move through chapters
of life and as we start to reevaluate things in life. But if your ex is having a sudden
change in values, especially if they're totally flipped 180, whereas on one side of the breakup,
before the breakup, they were really focused on living some sort of centered, intentional
life and now they just want to go out and party and drink and do drugs or something.
Again, not sure how much partying people are doing these days with this whole situation,
but if you are watching this in a utopian future where we can all be closer than six
feet to one another and all that stuff, they might be doing this and again, welcome to
the past. I really hope it all works out well for everyone. But anyway, if they do start
to experience a dramatic shift in values, then that could be a sign that they are just
kind of pretending to be over you, pretending to be over the breakup and that they're just
kind of papering over these emotions with some cotton candy fluff kind of behavior.
Okay? The fourth way you can tell if your ex is
just pretending to be over the breakup is if that if they surround themselves with things
that remind them of you, especially if they don't have to do that, right? It's one thing
if they have a bunch of clothes that remind them of you and they have no money to buy
any new clothes or something like that. That's one thing. But if they definitely have the
means to go out and do things or get rid of certain things, sentimental things, whatever,
but they choose to keep those anyway, that just shows that they are absolutely not over
you. There's still a part of them that's still emotionally intertwined in the relationship
that they had with you, in the dynamic that the two of you had together and that they
are still either intentionally or maybe not so intentionally kind of working through those
emotions. That's definitely a very common thing that people have experienced on this
journey when they are looking at their ex and truing to say, "Hey. Are you legit over
me or are you just kind of pretending?" The fifth way that you can tell if they're
just pretending to be over you is if they put up a wall or a cap on how far they will
allow themselves to go with you, how far they will allow themselves to talk about things
with you or talk about things that they valued or wanted to do when they were with you. So
if the two of you had some sort of shared goal or shared thing that the two of you wanted
to do and they suddenly capped that off. They suddenly, there's kind of an emotional electric
fence around that thing and they don't want to go there. They don't want to talk about
that. They don't want to explore that. They don't want to talk about it with you or with
other people or something like that. That just shows that there's something happening
emotionally that's causing them to kind of wall off certain parts because they're a little
bit too sensitive and most likely it relates to you and to how they feel about you and
unresolved things and stuff like that. I mean, unless there's been some other major
shift in their life, in some sort of way, that could be causing that. But chances are
for most people watching this video, the biggest major shift in your life is probably going
to be the breakup that you most likely somewhat recently had with your ex. And it's probably
similar for them as well too. So we can kind of put things together and say, "Okay. They're
shutting off access, emotionally, to this part of themselves because of the breakup,
because there are still feelings, emotions, things like that, that they're still working
through." So those are five ways that you tell if your
ex is still pretending to be over you, not quite over you yet. What do you think. What
sorts of things have you seen in your ex that might make you think that they are pretending
to be over you? Leave a comment down below and let us know. Let's keep the discussion
going down there. Once again, if you want to learn more about The Ex Solution Program,
you can find info on that down in the description box of this video. Maybe it's a good fit for
you, maybe not, but if you're curious you can click the link and find out. Not going
to hard sell you on it, but it's down there if you're curious.
But thanks again for watching, give this video a thumbs up and subscribe if you're new here
and you like what we're talking about. Also, you might want to check out this video series
over here, on Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back or Maybe Doesn't Want You Back or you
might want to check out this video over here. But thanks so much. Take care and I'll talk
to you next time.