In this video, You will learn how to make a guy chase you! 5 psychologically backed tips
that trigger a man’s instincts to pursue you. I’m psychologist and relationship coach Dr
Antonio Borrello and I promise you this…. When you use these tips, you are going to become the
irresistible catch that he just can’t get enough of. And That’s going to make him pursue, chase,
and court you because he wants you and needs you in his life. And it all starts with number 1.
1. Stop Pursuing Him
This first one is the most important.. When you start feeling like the guy you’re involved
with is slipping away from you, the most obvious reaction is to try to hold on to him or pull him
closer. Now, even though that is the instinctual thing to do.. it is also the very worst thing
you can do. That’s because pursue a man Is unnatural to him and it just doesn’t work.
He a man and from both an evolutionary perspective as well as from a cultural
perspective, men are wired and socialized to pursue women in the courting process…
This is something that’s been engrained in them in so many ways,
They are brought up knowing that they are supposed to initiate and pursue.
Think about it…. boys are taught that they are supposed to show interest, they are taught to
ask girls to dance and to ask them to go on a date and so on. So, when a man is pursued by a women
feels unnatural and they often don’t even know respond because they don’t expect to be chased.
And besides being part of their socialization,
from an evolutionary perspective, the chase is also a primal response.. men are the hunters,
the ones who pursue and compete with the other men for your attention and affection, It’s ingrained
into the deepest parts of the brain, it’s an evolutionary response to thousands of years of
competing with others for survival. And when he has to pursue you for your attention and work for
it, then he values you so much more. On the other hand, if you try to pursue him, he’s unconsciously
going to think that other men don’t want you and don’t pursue you, so why should he? Then,
your value goes down. So this is super important. He’s a man and he has to pursue you.
So, beginning right now, you have to stop chasing
after him. You have to stop pursuing him.. and let me get very specific with you on this one….
I want you to Practice the 80 / 20 rule. Or even the 85 / 15 rule.
That means you must let him initiate contact or communication 80% of the time..
you have to stop texting him first.. stop checking on him or calling him
first. And you cannot ask to see him or try to initiate plans. Instead, you must Let him do
it. Let him do it 80% of the time. Not always… but 80% of the time,
he should be reaching out to you. Look… I know this is a difficult one
to do.. because you want him - you miss him, and you want to talk to him. It’s hard not
to reach out because You want to be connected and communicating. It’s difficult to do, but you must
do it. Again make sure you are patient and let him initiate with you at least 80% of the time.
2. Believe You are the Prize
Ok.. so we are getting a bit philosophical here… But What do I mean by believe that you are the
prize? Well, you must believe in the core of your being that you are a woman who deserves
to be loved unconditionally by a wonderful man? I mean that literally.. you must love yourself
and know you deserve to be loved by a great man. And I know that may be easier said than done
So, if you need to fake it until you make it- that’s ok too.
You have to be sure your dating behaviors or relationship behaviors communicate the
fact that you know your value and you know what you deserve.
And here’s another fact… that’s what men are wired to want— they are expecting you to be
the prize that they must work hard for… they are prepared to show you they want you through their
behaviors.. and that’s why when you start to you act the part you will and attract that
kind of man.
Essentially, believing that you are the prize is practicing
self love. I also know that practicing self-love in the context of a new intimate
relationship doesn’t always come naturally. That’s Because When we have strong romantic
desires for another person, we often do things that we think will win their affection, and we
overlook red flags, and forgive bad behavior.. we can get infatuated and drunk on love.
Then the chemically induced love fog overrides our ability to evaluate things clearly and objectively
and We get swept up and sometimes engage in behaviors that are anything but self-loving.
this is when the majority of dating mistakes happen.. the mistakes that cause men to lose
interest, or bail on you, or use you for sex. remember, a man will treat you
the way you allow him to. So, when your boundaries are being
tested by a man, how do you handle it? Do you give him multiple chances or make excuses because
you are afraid of losing him? No— when you know that you are the prize, you put your self respect
above your feelings, and remain true to your standards and enforce your personal boundaries.
Believing that you are the prize also means that you’re not constantly trying to measure
how much he likes or wants you and instead, you’re more focused on how he measures up…
you’re more focused on how compatible he is and if he makes the cut or is even deserving of you.
So.. bottom line. when you practice self love,
when you believe you are deserving.. when you behave in a way that demonstrates this feeling,
it influences all of your interactions and you radiate with positive energy.. and that wildly
increases your level of attractiveness. And when that happens you are irresistible to him.
3. Be Easy to Please, But Hard to Get
When you are first dating a man, be easy to please but difficult to get. In other words, you are
easy going and agreeable…. Not high maintenance, difficult or overly demanding. At the same time,
you don’t want to appear too available. Remember, your independence and intrigue is attractive.
So, Before he is fully committed
and serious about making a future with you, don’t always be available for him by always saying yes
when he calls and asks you to go out… especially if he’s calling last minute with short notice.
Saying no to his requests for plans sends him the message that you have other engagements or
commitments that are taking priority… at least at this time when he’s asking. Again this triggers
his biological instincts to compete for your time. I know this stuff sounds so primal,
but I promise its true and these tips work.
Remember, Men are attracted to women who present them with a challenge. Giving your man total
access and attention, especially early on before he has earned that position, can be the kiss of
death for your relationship. That’s because men especially,
are easily bored when you are always available. Subconsciously, it leads him to believe that you
didn't have an important life before him and now, nothing is more important to you than him. And
that's not attractive.
So Do NOT change your schedule around to be more available to him. Remember,
he is someone you just met and hasn't earned that position in your life. So, You shouldn't give up
your family, friends and hobbies just because this new guy expresses an interest in you.
Chances are those things were what attracted him to begin with! So,
Be independent. Lead your own life and Don't become too invested in him right away.
I’m curious- What are some of the things you have done to remain a challenge and
keep a guy pursuing you? On the last video we had some great dicussions,
so let’s continue that again here. Leave a comment and share some of the ways you’ve
kept a guy pursuing you. I promise to do my best to respond to all of your comments.
Ok, number 4. Don’t act exclusive until it’s official. If a man tells you he is not looking
for a relationship or anything serious.. you need to believe him the first time he says it,
before you invest more of yourself and your feelings..
and this goes back to number 2… if you believe that you are the prize and a relationship is what
you want, you will never entertain the idea of getting involved with a man who doesn’t want
a relationship, regardless of how attractive, successful, popular or desirable he might be..
While it may be tempting
to adjust your wants and needs to accommodate his, this is absolutely something you cannot do if you
are seeking a long term relationship.
For example, women often start dating a guy who has made it clear that he isn’t seeking anything
serious, even though they want a relationship. They subscribe to the belief that if they play
it casual and go along with HIS wants, they will eventually be able to convince him to align his
wants with hers. But that doesn’t often work because The message it sends is that he doesn’t
have to work hard to be with you. It also sends the message that you don’t have others in line to
take his place.
So yeah, don’t let yourself fall into the situationship trap.. In the short term,
you may feel this is working, but in the long run, you are only setting yourself up for
disappointment. Think about this, Isn’t it easier to go into a potential relationship with someone
who is seeking the same thing, rather than going into something that he thinks is casual while you
work behind the scenes to change his mind?
Don’t waste yours time trying to change him when instead, you could be with someone seeking the
same thing and WORTHY of your time and resources? You have to believe guys when they say they aren’t
looking for a relationship. Trust me, you will save yourself so much time, effort, heartache and
disappointment if you do.
5. Keep Your Standards High and Enforce your boundaries
When a man really likes you and really wants you, he shows you,
and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt – again, it’s part of what men have been
socialized to do. But I know it gets challenging especially when men are incongruent and say one
thing while doing another- So, if it’s not crystal clear that he wants a future with you,
Stop entertaining his mixed messages or half hearted attempts to show you that he
really cares.. and That’s where enforcing your standards and expectations comes in-
if a man is not showing you the love and affection that you expect, do not complain,
nag or fight with him. That’s not going to change anything. Instead, take away
your attention and be willing to walk away. If he has any kind of real desire for you,
he will pull out all of the stops to get you back. But again he must know that he
has to change or he’s going to lose you.. that’s not something you need to tell him,
it needs to be demonstrated in your behavior..
He needs to feel that you aren’t willing to settle, that you aren’t going to tolerate
behaviors or actions of his that don’t meet your expectations for a relationship. So, he has to
be afraid that he will lose you if he doesn’t step up his game. and He will only experience
the next video.