The Legend of Dragoon deserved better.
While it struggled to gain traction with a wide audience, it is one of those titles that
is adored by those who had the fortune to play it.
It’s just a shame that most people didn’t.
And yes, in a lot of ways it is a typical jRPG affair of partying up with other misfits
to eventually kill a god or something, however while it could easily be compared to the Final
Fantasies of the world, it shouldn’t be because it stands out in so many unique ways,
the most notable of which being the combat.
The Legend of Dragoon’s battle system is based around additions, which are various
moves each character has that require precise timing to pull off.
As the player unlocks more additions, the moves get more complex but also typically
do more damage.
Where many RPGs of the time could be beaten largely by just attacking and tossing in heals
every once in a while, The Legend of Dragoon provided more of a challenge with every fight.
Players couldn’t just autopilot their way through the game, as they needed to stay focused
on successfully completing additions.
The true genius of the system though comes from how additions level up.
The more times the player completes an addition, the more powerful the move gets.
This creates a system that challenges players while still being accessible.
For example, if someone is only able to pull of Double Slash instead of Dart’s more complicated
moves, they can still power the move up enough to be viable in combat, making it accessible
without being mindless.
With that said, it still incentivizes more skilled players to go for the harder additions
as there are benefits to being able to pull off the complex moves like doing a little
more overall damage and also getting more SP, which let’s characters turn into their
Dragoon forms.
All of this
All...all of this
I have a word document where I write out every small idea I have for a video.
There are over a hundred ideas in it.
None of them are fleshed out; each is really just a seed of an idea.
Ideas that I maybe have 2 or, if I’m lucky, 3 minutes of material on.
The reality of this document is that most of these ideas will never turn into a video.
It does happen occasionally.
Maybe one ends up being a perfect example for a broader topic or I find a way to let
the seed grow into a grander idea that I want to explore further.
But most of them just sit there; a hundred 2 minute videos that I don’t know what to
do with.
That’s not even really true though.
For a lot of them, I do have ideas on how I could make them into full videos; the issue
is just that I am so uninterested in anything beyond the original seed that I can’t bring
myself to make a 12 minute video when I only care about a tiny portion of what I’m talking
about.
When I make something, I want to be passionate about it the whole way through.
I want to be excited to write it; I want to be challenged by what I uncover, and I want
that to show in the final product.
While I have faith that a few ideas on my long list will grow into something I am excited
to talk in depth about, I can’t force myself into making something I’m not interested
in making.
Even when I like something I write, I can’t help but think to myself, “I hope this video
doesn’t
Survivor is, unironically, one of my favorite shows of all time.
It tests resilience both physical and mental, it explores what drives humans from all walks
of life, and it creates a space where people can mercilessly lie to and trick each other
in the hopes of winning a million dollars.
While watching the contestants grow as humans and backstab each other to get ahead is incredibly
fascinating, I think what has helped keep the show relevant for so long is that it is
nearly impossible to watch without thinking, “I could do that.”
And, yeah, no I probably couldn’t do that.
The contestants are lucky if they get to eat more than a bowl of rice a day, they are isolated
from everyone they love and placed into a situation where they can’t truly trust anyone,
and they are forced to compete in gruelling physical activities while depleted in every
way.
I’d like to think I could do it.
I’d like to think I could win, but the reality is what we see on TV isn’t a reflection
of the day-to-day boredom and isolation the contestants are subjected to.
Survivor is an incredibly difficult game to win, especially when considering that the
dominating strategy is to eliminate the best players before they can get to the final tribal
council, so plenty of times, the person who wins isn’t the one who played the best game
the whole way through.
Maybe the best example of this can be seen with 4-time player Cirie Fields, who season
after season proved herself to be one of the greatest strategic minds to ever play the
game, but gaining this reputation also made her one of the most targeted players to ever
play the game.
She…
*laughs* who is gonna care about this?
Along with not wanting to force a small idea into something it’s not, I also struggle
a lot with determining what deserves to be a video.
This might sound like a silly thing to consider, but it’s hard for me to not feel like there
are certain videos that I can’t make.
It’s impossible to ignore that there are specific reasons people here follow me.
Certain videos and topics are what brought a lot of folks here.
I’ve proven in the past that I have some engaging takes on game design and narratives,
so I feel a comfort when putting stuff out about these things because people have seen
value in them before, whereas I don’t know if anyone cares about my takes on who should
have won previous seasons of Survivor because there’s no evidence that people would or
should care what I have to say about it.
And, I know there are those of you out there who watch me more for my style and general
thoughtfulness more than for the topics I talk about, but that isn’t everyone, and
especially when considering that due to how I approach making videos, I only put out 1
to 2 a month, I want to make sure that whatever I do release not only is creatively fulfilling
to me, but also interesting to those watching.
I don’t wanna put out multiple videos in a row that are too different from my bread
and butter because that could be months of people not being interested in something I
make.
Of course, I have no control over what other people do, so trying so hard to please everyone,
especially on the internet, is a losing battle.
It is one that’s hard to avoid though because this isn’t just a passion project, this
is my job and any video I put out affects my livelihood, which makes it really scary
to take risks.
To do things that might not be received well.
To do things YouTube won’t like.
I do it anyway though because I want to create what I want to create; however, it just adds
more and more pressure to this whole thing, so whenever I make something that isn’t
what I normally do, that isn’t what people are expecting from me, that isn’t the best
choice for my career, before putting it out, I can’t help but think, “I hope this video
doesn’t
Starkid is the kind of channel that it is still a bit hard to believe actually exists.
Forming from a handful of creative minds at the University of Michigan, what started as
a group of students doing a parody musical of Harry Potter turned into one of the longest
running channels on YouTube that continually makes projects that no one else is really
doing, or at least not doing nearly as well.
For over a decade, they’ve been writing, producing and posting musicals that have a
sort of charm that is uniquely Starkid—a mixture of raunchy comedic moments and unyielding
sincerity that creates some of the most emotionally resonant productions I’ve ever seen.
Arguably, no show pulls this off better than Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier,
which parodies both Aladdin and Wicked to tell the story of Jafar from a different perspective.
As a massive fan of both Aladdin and Wicked, I still find myself shocked by the fact that
I connect more emotionally to Twisted than either of the properties it's based on.
And it all comes down to Dylan Saunder’s powerful performance as Jafar, whose arc embodies
the backwards idea that no good deed goes unpunished.
Jafar wants to make life better for the citizens of Agrabah but his attempts either go unnoticed
or are unsuccessful, drawing ire from the people he is trying to protect and leading
to him becoming more and more desperate to find something that works.
And, I get that.
Growing up, I had an unshakable assuredness that I could make the world a better place.
Through good actions and good work, I could make a change.
And I want to still think that.
I hope that’s the case, but the truth of it is…
fuck.
Beyond just trying to decide what I want to talk about in videos or what I feel like I
can talk about in videos, there is also the consideration of what I should talk about
in videos.
Am I putting too much of myself out there?
When I talk about my insecurities and anxieties, are people gonna think I’m fishing for pity?
Is stating my existential dread going to help anything?
Does my experience even matter?
And the answer to all of that is yes, and no, and who gives a shit.
When I was a kid, being a YouTuber wasn’t a thing, but when imagining what I would do
in the future, this is pretty close to what I envisioned—making creative videos that
people want to engage with.
But there is a part of it that I never really thought about that’s kind of impossible
to prepare for.
And that’s you.
I am eternally grateful and terrified of you.
It’s kinda weird.
Like, literally millions of people who have heard my voice, more people know me by a name
I stole from psychonauts as a teenager than my actual name, and at this point, I am lucky
enough where any video I put out will be seen by a lot of people, which means that thousands
of folks will hear me talk about anything from why open-world games are bad to the ways
in which I try to cope with anxiety, and that’s a lot.
It’s not a bad thing.
It’s just a lot.
And look, I’ve been doing stuff on YouTube for nearly 8 years, and most of those were
spent with a small audience; one that often forgot I existed between long breaks.
And now that I have an audience that I do rely on for my job, it is impossible not to
consider the ways you all may respond to something I do because my career depends on it, so the
questions never stop.
Will everyone think I’m a negative person if I keep making critical videos of certain
types of games?
Will folks lose interest in my channel when Gaming For A Non-Gamer inevitably ends?
Will people be mad at me if I run a mid-roll during a serious and personal video?
The best show you’ve never heard of is back and better than ever.
Once Upon A Roll, a D&D podcast hosted by Razbuten where a new guest comes on each episode
and plays a one-on-one session of 5th edition in the grand Kingdom Of Cortia.
Listen now on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and wherever else you might listen to podcasts.
I-it’s good.
I promise.
There isn’t a road map on how to do this sort of thing.
And there are so many opinions out there that no matter what I will be right and wrong.
I don’t really know; it’s a weird thing to grapple with.
I am still adjusting to the fact that I am somewhat known now, and that you won’t all
disappear if I take some extra time to put something out or make something that isn’t
what I normally make.
For reasons I don’t know the full extent of, people are here and a lot of you seem
like you plan to stay for a while, which thanks by the way.
And I already have a guess how a lot of people will respond to this video.
A bunch will say my videos are always great and that they’d watch me talk about anything
and a smaller but, unfortunately, much more memorable group will accuse me of fishing
for those kinds of compliments and tell me to stop complaining because I have a job tons
of people would love to have.
While I do appreciate kind comments from folks saying they are here for whatever, unfortunately
that doesn’t counteract all of the things that make me uncertain while making videos.
Because the reality the vast majority of people who watch this won’t say anything at all.
The success of this job isn’t about how many nice or even mean comments I get.
At the end of the day my job is run by an algorithm and an audience, both of which have
expectations that I need to meet, at least to a degree in order to keep doing this.
I have some guesses for what each wants, but I’ll never really know for sure because
neither is telling me.
And that’s weird and hard and something I just live with now.
I’m sure some of you are understandably wondering why I am making a video about all
of this, and the answer is...I don’t really know.
Part of it is because I can.
Part of it is because I wish I saw more people sharing this kind of stuff.
Part of it is probably because I watched Inside one too many times and felt the need to do
something a little different from what I normally do.
And part of it is just so that you understand me a little better.
I put my whole self into these videos regardless of if they are deep life introspections or
light pieces on game design.
And I do get that I’m talking about YouTube videos here; in the grand scheme of things,
none of this is that important, but it is kind of important.
I care a lot about all of this, and I think that is why I am so nervous about making something
that isn’t good enough.
I’m still learning how to live with an audience, and I don’t know that I’ll ever be used
to it, because I don’t think anyone is meant to be.
But for whatever reason, it helps me to know that after watching this at least some of
you understand the countless considerations I put into all of this.
And also hopefully it helps me be better about not overanalyzing every aspect of this opportunity
I’ve been given until it is joyless.
At the end of the day, there are a million reasons to not make a video.
Like the idea is being pretentious or too overdone or too niche.
Frankly most reasons to not make a video are bullshit.
And not making a video because I have people watching, is certainly the most bullshit of
them all.
I want to build more confidence in my work, especially the stuff that is more of a risk,
but that’ll be a process.
So, until then, I am just gonna have to be okay with taking a breath, hitting publish,
and hoping that this video doesn’t suck.