>>>
>>> WELCOME BACK EVERYONE AS PARENTS WE ARE ALL FRUSTRATED AT
TIMES WITH OUR KIDS THERE ARE
MOMENTS THAT WE KNOW CAN BE
REALLY HARD TO KNOW THE RIGHT
WAY.
WAY.
WAY. IF
WAY. IF YOU'RE TRYING TO RAISE YOUR
CHILDREN WITHOUT SPANKING OR
YELLING ALTERNATIVE OPTIONS CAN
SEEM VERY MINIMAL.
WHERE ARE THESE OPTIONS.
WHAT DO WE DO WHEN WE'RE PUSHED
TO THE BRINK.
IT'S NOT FUNNY BECAUSE I THINK
WE'RE PUSHED TO THE BRINK EACH
AND EVERY DAY.
WE DECIDED TO DIVE INTO THIS
WITH REAL TALK.
THANK YOU FOR DOING THAT.
AN ATTORNEY AND OWNER OF THE
PUNCH LINE COMEDY CLUB.
>> 2, 6, 3 BOYS.
>> TWO, 7 AND 9 GIRLS.
>> AND I'M 8 AND 10 GIRLS.
SO YOU KNOW WE WERE EVEN TALKING
ABOUT THIS IN THE COMMERCIAL
BREAK BECAUSE IT'S A HOT TOPIC.
INCREASED AGGRESSION IN CHILDREN
YES OR NO?
>> I DON'T KNOW BUT I WILL SAY
MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WAS I WAS
BEATEN EVERY DAY.
I WAS DISCIPLINED IN THE
OLD-FASHIONED WAY AS THEY
DESCRIBED IN THIS ARTICLE MANY
TIMES AND I AM NOT PERFECT.
I HAVE SPANKED MY CHILDREN AND
IT DIDN'T WORK WITH THEM EITHER
ONE OF THEM.
THEY DON'T CARE, THEY'RE LIKE
OKAY.
OKAY.
OKAY. SO
OKAY. SO I DON'T KNOW IF I'M JUST NOT
IN THE RIGHT MIND FRAME SO I
DON'T DO IT BECAUSE IT DOESN'T
WORK.
WORK.
WORK. >>
WORK. >> FOR US IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
EFFECTIVE.
EFFECTIVE. WELL EVEN AS WE WERE GOING TO
COMMERCIAL I WAS LIKE DID
ANYBODY GET THE BELT OR EVEN THE
THREAT OF THE BELT LIKE IF I SAW
MY DAD TAKING OFF THE BELT THAT
MADE -- I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER IF
I'VE HAD IT.
>> THREAT OF CONSEQUENCES IS
ALWAYS BETTER THAN ACTUAL
CONSEQUENCES.
CONSEQUENCES. BECAUSE ONCE YOU LEARN THAT I
CAN ACTUALLY DO THE TIME FOR
THIS CRIME.
THIS CRIME. SGR.
SGR.
SGR. >>
SGR. >> BREAK OUT THE BELT.
NO, SO I THINK A LOT OF
PARENTING IS THE THREAT OF
CONSEQUENCES AND ESTABLISHING
WHAT THOSE CONSEQUENCES ARE
GOING TO BE.
WE HAVE ONE INCIDENT IN OUR
HOUSE HOLD WITH OUR OLDEST WHO
HAS THEN BECAME THE LEGEND OF
THE ONE SPANKING AND THAT WAS
SUFFICIENT TO KIND OF KNOCK IT
OUT FOR THE REST OF THEM.
>> GOOD.
>> GOOD.
>> GOOD. >> JIM HAS NEVER -- I MEAN
BECAUSE THEY JUST ARE AFRAID --
NOBODY'S AFRAID OF ME THEY'RE
LIKE OH, SHE'S TALKING AGAIN.
BUT AS A FATHER TO GIRLS DOESN'T
IT FEEL LIKE THE ACT OF THE
SPANKING IT JUST FEELS WRONG.
>> WELL I ACTUALLY I'M NOT A
PROPONENT OF OUTSOURCING
PARENTAL ACCOUNTABILITY.
PARENTAL ACCOUNTABILITY. SO I GET IT IF MAYBE YOU'RE THE
STAY AT HOME PARENT AND YOU GET
FATIGUED AT THE END OF THE DAY
AND THIS IS THE 75TH TIME YOU
TOLD THEM TO PICK UP THE TOYS.
BUT IT CASTS THE PERSON COMING
HOME IN A TERRIBLE ROLE.
SO MY -- I HATED FINALLY THE
GIRLS REVEALED LATER THAT EVERY
TIME KELLY CALLED ME ON THE RIDE
HOME SHE'S LIKE YOU BETTER PICK
YOUR SHOES UP AND PICK YOUR TOYS
UP.
UP.
UP. >>
UP. >> DID THEY DO IT?
>> WELL DID IT WORK?
>> ONLY WHEN I WAS AROUND BUT
THEN IT WAS THE VI NEW YEAR OF
COMPLIANCE RATHER THAN ACTUAL
PARENTING ON THE SAME PAGE.
>> YES, OKAY.
JENNIFER.
JENNIFER.
JENNIFER. DID YOU -- WERE YOU SPANKED AND
DO YOU?
DO YOU?
DO YOU? >> SO I GREW UP IN TENNESSEE AND
I REMEMBER THE BLACKBERRY STORY
AND YES I WAS SPANKED AND WE HAD
A PADDLE AND I REMEMBER MY BEST
FRIEND'S WAS USED THE BELT I
REMEMBER AN EXPERIENCE I
REMEMBER HER BEING BELTED IN
FRONT OF ME.
THAT WAS VERY COMMON BUT I HAVE
NEVER SPANKED MY CHILDREN.
BUT I STRUGGLE WITH THAT.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IN MY
OPINION VIOLENCE CAN STOP -- I
JUST DON'T KNOW.
SO I UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE DO
IT.
IT.
IT. I
IT. I UNDERSTAND I WAS RAISED THAT
WAY BUT I HAVEN'T DONE IT.
SO IT IS MUCH MORE FRUSTRATING
TO TRY TO NEGOTIATE WITH YOUR
KIDS THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT
AND YOU CAN GET TO THAT LEVEL.
I DON'T KNOW ANY PARENT THAT'S
NEVER GOTTEN TO THAT LEVEL BUT
THEN THEY SAY DON'T BE ANGRY
WHEN YOU SPANK YOUR KIDS ISN'T
THAT THE ONLY TIME WHEN ANYBODY
EVER SPANKS THEIR KIDS.
>> I'M HAVING A GREAT DAY AT THE
LET'S GIVE A SPANKING.
>> SO I DON'T KNOW.
>> WELL THE CONSEQUENCE WE FOUND
THAT WORKED AND IT'S SERIOUSLY
JUST AS PAINFUL WHEN I DID SPANK
MY OLDEST IS WE THROW AWAY THE
THING THAT HE LOVES IT MAKES ME
WANT TO CRY DOING IT.
MY HUSBAND'S LIKE NOPE.
HE THROWS IT IN THE TRASH AND MY
SON SOBS FOR DAYS AND NOW ALL I
HAVE TO SAY WE'RE GOING TO THROW
SOMETHING AWAY AND THEY'RE BOTH
LIKE NO NO.
>> YOU FOLLOW THROUGH.
>> IT'S DEVASTATING.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
>> YOU DON'T.
IT WORKS.
IT WORKS.
IT WORKS. YOU TOLD ME ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT
THE HEAVY WITH THAT.
THAT'S MOSTLY LEE'S.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> BUT WATCHING THAT GO DOWN BUT
I LOVE THAT HE'S FOLLOWING UP.
>> I'M HEAVY AT MY HOUSE.
MY HUSBAND GETS OFF THE HOOK
HE'S THE GRANDPARENT AND I'M THE
HEAVY.
HEAVY.
HEAVY. I
HEAVY. I TRY TO MAKE NATURAL
CONSEQUENCES IN THE REAL WORLD
WHAT WOULD BE THE NATURAL
CONSEQUENCE.
CONSEQUENCE. SO IF YOU LEAVE YOUR STUFF LYING
AROUND AND YOU DON'T PICK IT UP
IT GETS COLLECTED AND THERE'S A
CHORE BOX RIGHT NEXT TO IT AND
TO GET IT BACK YOU HAVE TO DRAW
FROM THE CHORE BOX TO EARN IT
BACK.
BACK.
BACK. I
BACK. I DON'T KNOW.
>> I DO THINK THAT IT SENDS --
SO FIRST OF ALL, PARENTS I THINK
ARE WANTING TO CHANGE BEHAVIOR
AND ARE USING SPANKING OR A BELT
OR A PADDLE OR WHATEVER IT IS
FOR BEHAVIOR CORRECTION.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> AND IT MAKES NO SENSE THAT WE
WOULD SAY WELL IT'S OKAY FOR MY
3-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER TO BE
SPANKED, BUT NOT OKAY FOR MY
23-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER TO BE
PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY HER
BOYFRIEND BECAUSE HE DOESN'T
LIKE HER BEHAVIOR.
SO IT'S KIND OF THE SAME
ARGUMENT WHERE YOU'RE SAYING
IT'S OKAY FOR THIS AGE GROUP BUT
NOT OKAY FOR THIS AGE GROUP.
IT'S NOT OKAY TO TAKE A NON
COMPLIANT SENIOR CITIZEN IN A
NURSING HOME CAN'T SMACK THOSE
PEOPLE AROUND.
PEOPLE AROUND. >> NO BUT IT IS OKAY FOR A
3-YEAR-OLD WHO DOESN'T
UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO
COMMUNICATE TO THEM.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. WELL THEY GAVE US SOME TIPS
BECAUSE RESEARCH DOES SHOW OR
THESE TWO PEDIATRICIANS SHARE
TIPS ON HOW TO DISCIPLINE
EFFECTIVELY AND CALM YOURSELF
DOWN.
DOWN.
DOWN. THAT'S FOR ME.
IT'S MORE LIKE CALMING ME.
SO NUMBER ONE AND YOU MAY ROLE
YOUR EYES WITH THESE BUT
HONESTLY I'LL TRY IT STAY
CONSISTENT.
CONSISTENT. MULTIPLE CARETAKERS WATCH YOUR
CHILDREN, HAVE EVERYONE INFORCE
THE SAME BEHAVIOR STANDARDS.
THAT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE IF
THE GRANDPARENTS ARE MORE TOUGH
THAN.
THAN.
THAN. >>
THAN. >> MY HUSBAND'S A GRANDPARENT.
I LOVE HIM AND SO SWEET WITH THE
KIDS BUT THE CONSISTENCY IS A
STRUGGLE.
STRUGGLE.
STRUGGLE. >> OUR SITTER THIS MORNING SAYS
EYE SAC DOESN'T LIKE TO WEAR A
HAT OR SUN SCREEN TO THE PARK.
HE DOESN'T KNOW.
WE'RE THE BOSS.
PUT THAT ON THERE.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER
MARY GETS MELANOMA.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> NEXT ONE.
USE POSITIVE REENFORCEMENT.
PRAISE THEM FOR THAT GOODNESS
INSTEAD OF PUNISHING FOR WHAT'S
BAD.
BAD.
BAD. REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR BUT IN THE
MOMENT THEY'RE NOT BEHAVING
WELL.
WELL.
WELL. SO
WELL. SO HOW DO YOU PULL OUT OF THAT?
>> WELL SO SOME MISBEHAVIOR IS
ATTENTION-DRIVEN AND AGAIN WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT VARYING AGES OF
CHILDREN.
CHILDREN.
CHILDREN. A TODDLER HAS LIMITED ANLT TO
ACT -- THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT
THEIR FEELINGS ARE THEY DON'T
KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE WHAT
THEIR FEELINGS ARE AND THEY'RE
DOING THE BEST WAY THEY CAN IN
THE SAME WAY THAT MY LAB DOR
RETRIEVER IS TRYING TO
COMMUNICATE SOMETHING TO ME AND
I'M GUESSING HEY BOY WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO DO.
SO I THINK THAT SOME OF THAT IS
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS IT
THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SOLVE.
IS IT A MELT DOWN IN TARGET.
OR IS IT YOU'RE MELTING DOWN IN
THE KITCHEN AT DINNER TIME AND
YOUR RESPONSE SHOULD VARY.
>> DO TIMEOUTS WORK FOR YA'LL.
>> NO, I JUST THROW STUFF AWAY.
>> IT DEPENDS ON THE KID FOR US.
ONE IT WORKS AND ONE IT DOESN'T.
I THINK IT JUST DEPENDS.
THE OTHER THING I LEARNED I
THOUGHT WAS REALLY IMPACTFUL FOR
ME WAS THAT I GOT REALLY
FRUSTRATED WITH MY OLDER BECAUSE
SHE WOULD ALWAYS COME HOME FROM
SCHOOL AND HAVE MELT DOWNS AND
DRAMA AND WHAT I DIDN'T THINK
ABOUT IS SHE HAD TO BE GOOD ALL
DAY AT SCHOOL AND SHE WAS
WORKING REALLY HARD AND SHE HAS
NO WAY TO EXPRESS HERSELF IF
SHE'S ANGRY OR FRUSTRATED AND SO
WHERE ARE THOSE FEELINGS GOING
TO GO.
TO GO.
TO GO. AND I'M THE PLACE AND THE SAFE
PLACE WHERE SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE
ABLE TO EXPRESS THAT.
SO FOR ME IT'S NOT SO MUCH SHE
CAN'T BE THESE THINGS BUT HOW
CAN WE EXPRESS IT IN A WAY
THAT'S NOT DETRIMENTAL.
OTHERWISE SHE BOTTLES IT UP AND
THEN WE HAVE ALL THESE BROKEN
KIDS THAT HAVE BOTTLED UP
FEELINGS.
FEELINGS.
FEELINGS. >> THAT WAS VERY WELL SAID.
>> SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.
>> IT IS.
>> IT IS.
>> IT IS. >> SOMETHING ELSE THAT HAPPENED
TO ME THIS WEEKEND.
WE HAD A DEVIL MELT DOWN
FOOTBALL CARRYING ISAAC OUT AND
I WAS SO MAD AND I THOUGHT TO
MYSELF WHEN I GOT IN THE CAR I
WAS LIKE AM I MAD AT THEM.
BUT I'M ALSO EMBARRASSED SO I
WAS LIKE I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT
LIKE WHO CARES WHAT THOSE PEOPLE
THINK.
THINK.
THINK. LIKE EVERYBODY'S HOPEFULLY BEEN
THERE IF NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
BUT LIKE I WAS JUST LIKE I GOT
TEARY EYED BECAUSE I WAS LIKE
OH, GOSH IS IT ABOUT ME OR IS IT
ABOUT THEM IT'S ABOUT
DISCIPLINING.
DISCIPLINING. >> WAS IT REALLY THAT BAD.
>> WELL.
>> WELL.
>> WELL. >> IT FELT THAT BAD.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH. >> BECAUSE YOU WERE BY YOURSELF
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY IT WAS
MORE OF ALL THE OTHER EMOTIONS
YOU WERE FEELING.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> I THINK FOR ME I GENERALLY
WAS MOST DRIVEN BY CONSEQUENCES
RMENTIVE TO THE KID'S SAFETY.
SO MY CHALLENGE WAS I AM -- MY
DAY IS FILLED WITH RISK
ASSESSMENT.
ASSESSMENT. RIGHT.
RIGHT.
RIGHT. I
RIGHT. I DON'T WANT YOU AT THE TOP OF
THE TREE BECAUSE YOU'RE FALLING
OUT OF THE TREE.
I'M NOT HAVING YOU GO DOWN THE
HILL IN THE STREET WITH NO SHOES
ON BECAUSE WHEN YOU FALL OFF THE
SKATEBOARD THAT'S GOING TO BE A
MESSY.
MESSY.
MESSY. AND SO AND I THINK IT'S
CHALLENGING SOMETIMES TO FIGURE
OUT HOW TO EXPRESS THAT TO THE
KID SO THEY UNDERSTAND ALSO KIND
OF WHERE YOU'RE COMING IN.
>> SOME GET IT MORE EASIER THAN
OTHERS.
OTHERS.
OTHERS. >> AND HONESTLY IF YOU CAN'T IF
YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO MANAGE
YOUR OWN EMOTIONS GIVE YOURSELF
SOME CONSIDERATION BEFORE YOU
SIGN UP TO BE A PARENT.
BECAUSE A LOT OF TIMES IT'S
FRUSTRATING.
FRUSTRATING. >> PULL THAT TV ON THEM.
THEY'LL LEARN.
THEY'LL LEARN. >>> EXACTLY.
>>> EXACTLY. WE WANT YOU TO WEIGH IN.
PLEASE DO ON OUR FACEBOOK PAGE.
WE'D LOVE TO HEAR HOW YOU DEAL
WITH ALL OF