We often say freelance, freelance
Then what is that really? Is there a standard?
It makes me think of last year when I wanted to travel to the UK
I was getting advise online from visa agents about stuff
I told them I didn't have a stable job
I said I was a freelance and they said
In accordance with your income and the fact you're not working at a company
you can't say you're a freelancer
Afterwards I was thinking it over, then what is a freelancer?
Do you have to reach a certain level of income?
I think not necessarily
From the start of 2020 when I quit my job until now it's been two and a half years
I'm want to say that I was freelancing in that time
Today the main thing I want to share is how freelancing has changed me
The first point is very important
and that's the change in the way I value myself
It turns out my self-worth isn't determined by whatever job
or how much money I'm earning
By existing, I already have value
Before, because of my jobs—
what I could for work and what I gained from it—
I would let that define whether I recently felt worthy or not
For example I while I was a sales rep
If my performance was good then through the people around me
Through team leaders and myself
I would feel that I have worth
But if there was a month where I didn't do well
My self-worth would...
fall to the ground
Anyway, that way of assessing my self-worth was extremely unstable
Totally relying on external feedback
I never had the right judgment system evolve from inside myself
Because I didn't approve of myself in work
this would effect my life
When I realised that these aspects of my life meant very little to me
I felt terrible
I just completely rejected myself
I sealed all of my potential away
Right now I have a pretty clear-headed understanding of myself
Outside voices won't make me exceptionally pleased with myself
Irrational voices won't cause me to start putting myself down
I can separate the voices and
choose (to hear) the ones that are useful for me
and the one's that have no use—
the trash talk—get cleared away automatically
Right now when I'm studying about work
my starting point is myself
It's not to show other people
So in this way, I don't have to keep up any appearances
in order to keep up my Key Performance Indicators or whatever
The second thing is change in my concept of time
Right now I understand how precious my time is
How valuable and how much much money its worth
Looking back on university, doing a part-time job
at a canteen as a waitress
the hourly wage was 4RMB ($0.60)
or 5RMB ($0.75), somewhere within that range
and around me my friends were doing
more challenging things
Their hourly wage was 5-10x more than mine or even more
There were a few people doing there own businesses
But at that time I didn't try, I told myself
or firmly believed
I was only worth the thing that made me 4RMB ($0.60)
Because I couldn't do any better
I didn't have any reason to reject myself
and this totally guided me
After leaving university my idea of finding work was
I think the thing I have the most of is time
this led me to believe my time was cheap
So whilst I was looking for jobs back then
even though the job was one I didn't like much and there wasn't any growth
I was still there
drifting along
Actually if you gave me another chance now I think
even though I wasn't very satisfied with those jobs
I'm willing to make a change and that's that I wish
I'm able to handle it wholeheartedly
To do it to the highest standard I could. It's a real shame I didn't realise this one point
Before I always thought that I had to keep busy
If I was waiting, doing nothing or just going out for fun
I thought that was a waste of time and a waste of life
But right now I feel like my mentality has had a positive change and that's that
even if I spend a day or an afternoon reading a book
or to spend an hour making good food
To do things which seem like they don't have much meaning or instant gratification
I still believe that I'm using my time well
Right now I've realised that as long as you are doing something with focused attention
Not matter what it is, then it's not a waste of time
It all has meaning
The third point is the change of my view on money
The me of the past thought that, apart from unethical ways of getting money
that as long as you have an opportunity you should earn money
But right now I've realised that
that if you don't earn some sorts of money you'll feel more at ease, more happy
If you do work for it, you'll instead feel unhappy
That sounds weird doesn't it?
We've had lots of chances to work with brands and advertise
but we've refused a lot
Not because the product is bad, but because
in this era where we've got so many material goods
we don't want to use our influence or voice to
to make people buy lots of unnecessary stuff
And one other thing that is, like a lot of other people doing social media
everyone's gone through a similar phase which is that
in the beginning stages there was basically no income
For us, it was the start of 2020
for the next couple of years
we didn't make money through our social media
but we were still always happy, still
because at that moment we thought that through
the happiness we recieved in the process
was so much more than what we could have, on balance, bought with money
This indirectly explains
that if what you do is something that you love
then you'll always find it easier to persevere
If you invest everything in something
and dedicate everything to it
I actually believe that you'll see results
sooner or later or through a different shape
I think my focus on material wealth has fallen away so much
It's not as strong as before
The last thing is that my outlook on happiness has undergone an extremely large shift
The psychologist, Adler, said that
all (human) pain comes from interpersonal relations
and all happiness comes from interpersonal relations
Interpersonal relationships aren't just
in the workplace and friends
It's also family
Because in this world, as long as there's a second person other than yourself
then you'll create interpersonal relations
Because what we're doing right now enables me to
get away from my work and home relationships
it gives me a chance to think
I understand that I don't exist to fulfill the expectations of other people
and other people aren't there to satisfy my own expectations
Recently when I talked to my mum
we got drawn into trivial family stuff like normal
At that time I said something that I really wanted to express
A love without shackles is the happiest, most easy kind
This really applies to every relationship
Today my point in sharing this isn't at all to tell you
that you should first quit your job and then
I'll be like Ella and experience a the kind of changes I've explained
On the contrary, I hope that everyone can switch on this mode of thinking
and can consider whether whatever is going on in your life right now is what suits you
Am I able to get better? Can I do better?
If it's bad, can I turn my back and leave?
Before this year if I thought like this
I might—I mean might
I might have done better in the realms of work I was in
I might have appreciated those jobs more
So this really isn't as simple as quitting your job to freelance
It's about examinising the place we're in from this second right now onwards
Freelancing helped me find a happy accident
What's your happy accident? Leave a comment to let me know