We get in emails all the time asking
questions
and shooting things by us to see what
our counselor's opinions
are on things and I'm talking about The
Marriage Foundation and I'm Paul
Friedman, I founded The Marriage
Foundation
and you can get help too by going to
themarriagefoundation.org and clicking on
the Ask a Counselor tab.
And if we like your question because we
think it's going to have a broad appeal
for others,
I'll do a video on it like I am on this
one.
And this is, "My fiance wants a big
wedding
and I don't," and that's very interesting.
Now
I'm not a sexist or misogynist but
usually,
not always, but usually this is the
woman who wants a big wedding.
And frankly, she
reads magazines
and because I'm talking to the groom to
be now. She reads magazines, she talks to
her friends and it's sort of a status
thing for her
to have a big wedding and
it's a difficult proposition. I'll tell
you why
because a big wedding is a big party
that is super expensive so I can
understand
why you don't. As a man, you're probably
more practical
in terms of thinking, "Well, we could do
more things with the money." Now
if it's her father who's footing the
bill, no problem.
Why worry about it, enjoy the party.
But in this day and age most couples
are footing the bill for their wedding
so I'm not going to say I'm on your side.
If you can afford a big wedding, why not.
Here is the real problem
because there is a real problem here
that you are not aware of.
You see the real problem is there is
this
idea out there
commonly held belief and it's a bad
belief that the wedding
is the happiest day of the bride's life.
Why is that bad? It's bad because it's
suggesting that from here on out things
are going to get worse.
And honestly in most marriages, they do
because, and here's the important point,
we are not taught how to be married
in our society and we do not realize
that marriage is complex as all get out.
You don't even know, here's where I
challenge, you don't even know right
now
put in your head two main reasons
for getting married just the fact that
you hadn't
thought about that before
should tell you because if you don't
know
why you're getting married how are you
going to
do the things that will accomplish
those goals because they're goals. It's
not a ride
at a theme park, you don't just get
married and everything falls into place
at all.
The two main driving reasons to get
married
are one ever increasing
happiness until the day you die. You go,
"Yeah, sure."
Yeah sure, but where did you learn that
until now and what did you learn you
need to do
and don't do in order to achieve that?
Now the other is way more important than
that.
Really, no, it's not to have kids
it's to learn how and to experience
marital love, unconditional love
because there's nothing that compares
and marriage is one of the only vehicles
in the world that delivers unconditional
love.
And the other places that deliver it,
other vehicles for accomplishing
unconditional love
are like monasteries, spiritual paths
but you've already chosen one. You've
chosen the path
and it's a spiritual path because it's
aim
is to achieve unconditional love. You see,
spiritual means it's tangible
but not perceptible by the senses,
doesn't mean it's religious.
It could be religious but doesn't mean
that.
It means that it's a tangible
non-perceptible with the senses
vehicle to achieve unconditional love.
Love itself is spiritual,
can't touch it but man, can you
experience it and that's what it's all
about.
So the real problem here is that there's
a lack of awareness
of what happens after the wedding
that's the real problem and it is a huge
problem. And at The Marriage Foundation,
we have thousands and thousands of
people who take our courses
to resurrect their marriage and they're
the lucky ones.
Most people just get a divorce. I mean
we're barely touching the surface here
at The Marriage Foundation
even with our thousands of clients.
So, what you really need to do is you
need to study up,
go to premaritalacademy.org.
The courses are way cheaper than later
on
when you're messing up so take my advice.
So the wedding, work it out,
it's not that big a
deal
but learning how to be married, huge
deal. Okay. I appreciate your time.
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write into us if you need to,
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like.
God bless and take care, and
Congratulations!