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Dead Meat makes no claim of ownership uses the footage for purposes of education, commentary and critcism under fair use.
Please support filmmakers and the art of film making by watching Never Hike Alone in it's entirety on home media or streaming services where available.
*Dead Meat intro*
Happy Friday the 13th and welcome to the Kill Count where we tally up the victims in all our favorite horror movies.
I'm James A Janisse and today we're looking at Never Hike Alone, the Friday the 13th fan film released in 2017 by Vincent Disanti.
I met Vincent at Monsterpalooza this year and interviewed him in my video covering the event.
He told me that with Never Hike Alone he wanted to make a back-to-basics style Friday the 13th film
and make Jason scary again.
Instead of the more ridiculous campy stuff that the original series delved into near the end.
Working between 9-to-5 jobs with a budget raised on Kickstarter,
Disanti and his crew persevered to bring the Friday franchise into the modern era of GoPros and vloggers.
And as a reward for all his hard work, Disanti himself got to play Jason Voorhees--
or at least share the hockey mask with stunt performer Bryan Forrest.
Never Hike Alone is actually available for you to watch entirely, right now, for free on YouTube.
It's less than an hour long so click that button up there and check it out.
And while it may not have as high a body count as the feature films that inspired it
It is successful as an atmospheric suspense thriller with some real nice fan service near the end.
So let's celebrate Friday the 13th by taking a trip back to Camp Crystal Lake and counting up some more kills
The movie begins with a whole bunch of drone shots
that really help sell the professional quality of this amateur film.
Driving into the woods near that beautiful blue Crystal Lake is this vlogger Kyle McLeod who's going on an arduous hike.
I like him because he's not afraid to troll his fans a little bit.
KYLE: So don't let me catch any noobs out here.
KYLE: That's right. Looking at you HikerMan5000.
JAMES: Haha, yeah, HikerMan5000.
Just kidding, dude, you know we love you.
With his trademark sign-off: "Kyle out"
Mr. McLeod fucking bolts away from his car
and Hardcore Henry's himself through the woods in a rockin montage eerily similar
to one I made a few years ago about Tough Mudder.
*heavy metal music*
He reaches his first checkpoint and sets up camp for the night.
Doing some spawn con inside his tent
for a Day of Defeat style collapsible shovel,
even though he's not a true believer in the product he's hawking.
KYLE: Seems like a piece of shit to me...
JAMES: Unlike when I advertise Shudder or CryptTV
which are products I enjoy so much
I'm giving them a free shout-out right here.
Get that promo y'all.
The next morning,
while brushing his teeth with some water he'd better hope isn't tapewormy,
he sees a trail marker that isn't on any of his maps.
And as you'd expect a hiker with a GoPro to do
he sets out to explore it.
The trail takes him to a sign that says "no trespassing"
But as we see in the background while Kyle records a vlog,
it looks like Jason don't think the rules apply to him.
As Kyle decides to cut through the area anyway to get to the lake
there's an unlikely scare when Jason appears right next to him
only to promptly disappear in the next cut.
This must be zombie teleport Jason
from the sixth or seventh movie onward.
Kyle shakes off his heebie-jeebies
and trespasses anyway,
eventually getting to the infamous Crystal Lake.
Awww, look at that little island in there.
I bet that'd make for a great mama shrine shack.
With the sun setting in a few hours,
Kyle decides to cut up some firewood and make a camp
and that's when he trips over a sign
telling him exactly where he is.
He finds Camp Crystal Lake itself
and inside one of the cabins is a calendar from 1980
saying, it's June 13th.
Yeah, I know. That's a Friday the 13th.
But it's also apparently a nudie magazine day!
Nudie magazine day!
Aside from old fashioned 2-D smut
Kyle also finds a ribbon with the number 6 on it
hanging in front of a shower stall
that's very bloody on the inside
The ribbons Kyle finds are all crime-scene markers
of the kills we know and love from the original film,
a nice little feature for us fans.
This marker corresponds to Marcy
who went from singing in her underwear to
dead via head-axing in the blink of an eye.
In the main lodge of the camp Kyle pokes around in the fireplace
and knocks down a dead animal.
A cool match cut takes us outside
where he disposes of the body.
And after doing that
he sees another one of those ribbon tags
marked number three
and corresponding with good old body oil Steve Christie
who was killed with one of those just off-screen gut stabs.
Kyle decides to make camp inside the cabin where he vlogs
and tells his McLeod Crew fans all about the backstory of Jason Voorhees.
A tale he learned from his older brother when he was a kid.
He takes his camera out to explore the camp some more
and while he's walking around
looking like he's Thor with a blowout
He finds another ribbon marked with a two.
And by now he's also figured out
that these ribbons are marking crime scenes
So he's not too surprised by what he finds
when he opens the door.
It's a bunk bed with a bunch of Bacon juice all over it,
because this is the site of one of the franchise's
most iconic kills and the first ever golden Chainsaw recipient:
the arrow through the neck that killed Jack in the original.
In the kitchen where crazy Ralph once played peekaboo,
Kyle finds another ribbon with a five on it
This one's the toughest to tell
but judging by the rope on the ground nearby
it's got to be Brenda
who was tossed through the window wrapped in a blanket of ropes.
A banging noise takes him upstairs.
Which, like, going upstairs and following creepy noises, Kyle?
Are you even trying to survive this thing?
But the noise ends up being an innocuous second story door to nowhere
that Kyle explains used to be used for getting heavy furniture upstairs
Cool, Kyle.
Wanna explain this messy sleeping pit that has a birthday card on it
addressed to a "special boy?"
Or how about this rotting Pamela head
tucked under that blanket?
Yep, Kyle has stumbled right into Jason's lair
and the J-man appears behind him and takes his
new victim gift wrapped in a bed sheet
and tosses him out that second-story doorway.
Then Jason grabs a nearby axe and hops down to do some stalking.
Without even bending his knees on the landing?
You're gonna feel that shit when you're older, Jason.
Kyle is able to narrowly avoid a lineage-ending injury
and then we get our first look at this movie's Jason,
nicknamed Ghost Jason by fans.
As Kyle feebly fights him
I've got to say, Ghost Jason is looking pretty good.
Must have found a new hockey mask though
since this one's missing the Part Three axe slash.
Eventually, Kyle was able to get the hell away from this masked maniac
who heads back inside to retrieve the weapon he gets an attack bonus with:
his trusty old machete.
Jason stalks Kyle through the woods on some heavy fucking feet
*thudding footsteps*
This guy's stomping around the woods like he's Lucille Ball making wine.
Eventually, Kyle trips over the no trespassing sign and really messes his leg up.
Break the rules, suffer the consequences, my man.
Still, he's able to evade Jason and run off
disappearing into the woods as dusk falls.
An injured Kyle finds a quiet moment to speak into his GoPro
where he does the usual "tragically doomed person with a camera" routine.
Namely, telling whoever's watching what happened
and leaving an I-love-you message for his parents.
With that out of the way, he heads back to the camp
because he figures he won't survive his injury without the med kit from his pack.
On his way there he sees another ribbon, number four,
hanging over a doorway marking the location
where Bill was found as a human pin cushion by Alice.
He gets inside and gets his first aid kit,
then hides from the Jason-saurus Rex.
*more thudding footsteps*
Seriously those footsteps are so heavy
he's probably got the whole of Crystal Lake
rippling like a glass of water.
Kyle fixes himself up underneath the table
in a self stitching sequence
that really shows off the excellent work
by special-effects makeup artist, Kelsey Berk.
On his way out, Kyle has to hide from Jason like he's playing Friday the 13th: The Game.
And just like in that game, hiding proves to be fucking useless
because Jason just smashes through the door
and starts clomp clomp clomping around to find him.
Jason eventually finds Kyle with a jump scare and a missed opportunity machete stab through the door.
Kyle fends him off with the door itself,
but only for a moment before we get a fight
with a couple of nice pro wrestling beats to it.
First, Kyle hits the big man with a friggin chair
And then Jason comes back with an undertaker slash cane style chokeslam through a table
---by GOD this ain't a TLC match!
When Jason goes to grab the machete for his signature finisher move
Kyle takes the opportunity to run off.
But because of his injured leg,
Jason catches up to him no problem,
and they begin a fight for the ages:
machete versus collapsible shovel thing.
Eventually Jason slashes Kyle's arm
and Kyle grabs a nearby rock to hit Jason in the face with
and knock his mask off.
Let's see what this Jason looks like behind it.
Well, as expected, it's a face only a deranged mother could love.
Kyle runs off in fear while a very embarrassed Jason grabs his mask
to cover up that ghoulish visage of his.
Kyle finds the axe in the tree and arms himself
then applies a little more first aid to his new wound.
Jason tries to sneak up behind him but,
uh, fat chance with those loud-ass moon shoes
you're wearing, dude.
Kyle spins around in an attack maneuver
But the look on his face says it didn't go so well.
'Cause turns out Jason landed a machete hit
straight in Kyle's chest
But don't call the match just yet
'cause there's some nasty blood oozing out of J-Man's hockey mask
That's because Kyle also landed a hit with his weapon
So both of them fall to the ground together
threatening to end this skirmish in a draw.
But, turns out, neither of them are out for the count.
The machete stab was at least partially stopped by Kyle's handy guidebook
So even though it got him a little bit,
it could be a lot worse, dude.
Then after Kyle gets up to leave he, of course,
looks back at his axe ridden foe
to see the undead manchild is still ready to rumble.
KYLE: Fuck this.
JAMES: With that he takes off into the woods once more
right as Jason rises up from the ground.
Morning comes and that means it's time for a good lake washing.
Kyle sees one final ribbon marked with the number one
signifying the beachside decapitation of Mama Voorhees herself
the kill that set our silent but deadly serial murderer in action.
Then Jason recreates his first appearance in the series
when he jumps out of the lake
and grabs ahold of Kyle's head.
In an excellent moment with some more great FX work,
Jason just straight up crushes Kyle's head in his hands
with an awesomely disgusting crunch.
Turns out to be a hallucination
so I won't put it on the count,
but serious props, again, to Kelsey Berk
and the fake head she made for the scene.
Look at it! That thing is dooope!
Like I said, Kyle wakes up from the hallucination to two paramedics:
this nice lady, Deni and a dude named, uhh
DENI: Axel?
AXEL: Huh? Oh, hey!
JAMES: What!? Another medical dude named Axel?
But is he pervy like the one we all know and love?
AXEL: Damn look at the beard on that vagina!
JAMES: He is, he is. Nice.
And if you think that's good fan service, hold on to your butts.
'Cause the third paramedic in this movie is Tommy frickin Jarvis.
That's right, Muthafuckas!
Tom Mathews from Part Six Jason Lives
reprises his iconic role to be T-Jarvs once again.
And as he calls the situation in to dispatch,
he's greeted by an old friend.
TOMMY: Son of a bitch!
I knew it!
JAMES: He's yanked out of the ambulance
and the other paramedics hear him struggling
So Axel goes out to help him
only to reappear a minute later with the axe in his gut
finally allowing us to start the Kill Count proper.
Hey, sometimes movies wait until the end for the kills.
Remember Get Out?
And we double up the count right away
after Deni is pulled out of the ambulance by Jason
and given an off-screen death that we can hear involves
a whole lot of body beating against the ambulance.
Since he's on a roll Jason stands in front of the open ambulance doors
and appears to be ready for a hat trick with Kyle,
who now looks like Assistant Director Wes from Nailed It!
But Jason is stopped by the formerly felled man Tommy
TOMMY: Hey, maggot head!
Remember me, asshole?
JAMES: Tommy takes off and saves Kyle's life
leaving a very unsatisfied Jason behind
with only a pair of kills to his name.
The movie ends with Jason slowly walking after the ambulance.
I'm sure you'll catch up eventually, J-man. Don't worry.
In the meantime, how many kills did this "Ghost Jason" nail down?
I mean you already know the answer but, uh,
let's get to the numbers anyway, yeah!
Dead Meat Out!
Only two people died in Never Hike Alone
But hey, this thing was more about ambience than bloodshed.
The Kills had one lady and one pervy dude
giving the genders of the victims an even one to one ratio, literally.
With a runtime of 54 minutes
we had a kill on average every 27 minutes.
I'll give the golden chainsaw for coolest kill to Axle
since his was more on-screen
and had more blood, of course.
That means dull machete for lamest kill goes to Deni
who was slammed against the ambulance off screen.
But at least her kill was confirmed by that shot at the end.
And that's it.
Never Hike Alone came out in 2017
And as of today, Ghost Jason and Kyle McLeod are being added
to the Friday the 13th Puzzle Game,
an illustrious honor that's bestowed upon only the best folks of horror.
Hope you enjoyed this Friday the 13th treat.
We'll get back to dinosaurs tomorrow.
Until then, I'm James A. Janice
This has been the Kill Count.
Thanks a lot for watching this special little Kill Count
I want to thank a couple of patrons like Michael J. Bade, Winter Phoenix and Wyatt Gadahl
Like I said, if you haven't watched Never Hike Alone,
make sure you check it out.
Yeah, it had a small body count
but it is really good filmmaking.
Yo, this machete is signed by Kane Hodder himself.
And my Roy Burns mask came from Daniel,
the fan featured in the Monsterpalooza video.
So make sure you watch that to see Daniel and Vincent Disanti.
Be good people.