Have you ever been so desperate for love that you would risk it all just for a shot at happiness?
Well that’s exactly what David does in a dystopian future where single people are forced
to go through a forty-five day journey to find love. If you don’t...well...you turn
into the animal of your choice. So what’s your favorite animal?
While I may give you my opinion on the film here, that’s no substitute for experiencing
it yourself.
Links to the movie are in the description as well.
For a film that doesn’t give you much context to start with, there sure is a long scene
of a random woman driving without any hint of what she’s doing. And she’s just shot
a donkey. Jump to the title screen!
And now we come to a familiar face just sitting on his couch staring at his dog. Interestingly
enough, Colin Farrell gained forty pounds just for this role.
And I’m sorry, is Rachel Weisz narrating the journey from the couch to the bus like
this is the most epic film to date? Well, it is Rachel Weisz... so this narration is
now my new favorite part of the movie.
David sits at a desk and answers a rather peculiar questionnaire.
It turns out that when he is asked about the dog he brings with him, he says that it’s
actually his brother. Makes it a little concerning that he has literally dragged this dog through
every bit of his journey. Who would want to go be tethered to their brother while stripping
down?
Speaking of, it literally jumps over to a shot of David and his dog brother standing
in his underwear in a damp room. This poor brother.
Rachel Weisz continues narrating David’s experience walking around the room. A dreary
ambience is set as the monotony of his wardrobe makes you wonder if the future is better or
worse.
Outside of his window, there is a line of bodies on the street with people standing
over them with tranquilizer guns. They are the loners that tried to run at the end of
their program. This movie has quickly turned into a horror movie for any perpetual loners
out there.
While David takes a nap, the hotel manager and three others simply barge into his room.
She’s the one that explains that he will turn into his animal of choice if he fails
to find a compatible partner by the end of his stay. She says he must choose someone
who has also chosen a compatible animal. All of a sudden, the ideas of these different
species mingling floods the mind. Not very enjoyable...or maybe it is? I can’t even
tell anymore.
But go figure, that David, the interesting being that he is, chooses a lobster. A lobster!
What are the chances that some other random woman got brought to this hotel and just said
I want to be a crustacean!
Next we meet Robert and John, and the three take a stroll to discuss the interesting qualities
that make them unique.
These three are actually the only named characters in the entire movie.
While this film may be built on an interesting idea, I have to admit that I’m honestly
breezing through this film with about as much gusto as the hotel manager does during the
dinner show. Any little development feels like a monumental moment, which definitely
emphasizes how awesome our main character is. Still rooting for him!
David finally takes a leap and asks one of the younger girls to a dance where she gets
a nosebleed, so I’m going to call her Nosebleed-Girl since we don’t find out her actual name.
She proceeds to give David a detailed list of ways to remove blood from clothing. If
that’s not a red flag for a serial killer, then I don’t know what is.
The next day, all of the single residents are given tranquilizer guns and set out into
the forest. A slow montage of them shooting and hunting down loner runners shows you how
the people came to be lined up in the beginning of the film.
As they are hunting the people, you see animals run away from them as well. Are these real
animals? Are these loners that ran out of time? Are there any real animals left in the
area?
It turns out that the more bodies you bring back from the forest, the more days they add
onto your time at the hotel. David has not been able to bring any bodies in, and he seems
to be a little hesitant toward the whole process.
The whole next day, a series of sexual rules and experiments are shown.
Robert is caught pleasuring himself at some point, and as a punishment, they stick his
hand in a toaster while he’s trying to eat his breakfast. If that isn’t a proper way
to curb temptation, then I don’t know what is.
After what seems like a depressing string of comments on how life will be after they
are left as single animals, one of the most epic brawls you’ll ever see in your life
ensues. For only having one good hand left, Robert held his own quite well if you ask
me.
Later, John and Nosebleed-Girl give each other fun facts about different strokes in swimming.
Again, this has got to be one of the most exhilarating encounters throughout the whole
movie. I’m kidding of course, but somehow this style is just working for the film. At
least we know that romance isn’t dead in the dreary future.
Anyways, later that night, John visits David, and we find out that John is faking his nosebleeds
so that he has a connection with Nosebleed-Girl. Honestly, if I had to fake a nosebleed to
keep from being turned into a lonely animal for the rest of my life, I’d bang my head
on every table I ever saw.
As the days start to run out for the single people, drastic measures are taken. Nosebleed-Girl’s
best friend runs out of time and is turned into a miniature pony. Another woman decides
it would be better to be dead instead of turning into an animal. She jumps from her room window,
but it doesn’t kill her.
As she lies there screaming, David takes this time to force a conversation with a potential
partner.
Mr. Smooth Operator over here is obviously running out of time, so I’d make a last
attempt at fake love too. Over the screams of a woman that just jumped out of her window?
Eh. Not so much then. But anything is better than being turned into a LOBSTER!
This same woman later pretends to choke on an olive to see if David will save her. As
he lets her pretend to die, she comes to and they decide that they are a good match. That’s
lucky for him seeing how he was almost out of time too!
Once they graduate to the couple's portion of their stay, he runs into his friend John.
While the two couples meet, we find out that John and Nosebleed-girl have been assigned
a daughter.
How does David react?
David has to show his heartfulness matches his new partner. The absolute last thing I
expected to see in this movie is Colin Farrell kicking a little girl in her shin. The sound
of the thump literally made me spit my drink laughing.
The next morning, David’s companion is standing over him as he wakes up, and she tells him
that she has killed his brother. As David gives her no reaction, he tries to sink away
to the bathroom where he sees the dog lying on the floor. Of course, this is just another
test.
What’s the animal no one wants to be? I already thought he picked that! What’s worse
than a lobster? Well we may never know because David sucker punches her in the gut.
Seriously, if I had known that this was a film about Colin Farrell sucker punching and
shin kicking people, I would’ve had different expectations for this movie. Now I’m pleasantly
surprised.
After he runs away from her, a chase ensues that ends with him tranquilizing her. He seriously
picked the wrong person to get mad. She literally feels like the Amish Terminator was set loose
on him! Look at her! She almost refused to go down!
With the help of the housekeeper, he takes his partner to the room where they turn people
into animals, and he turns her into an animal. Why is the housekeeper helping him? I don’t
know. What animal did he turn her into? I have no clue. I’d imagine a lobster if he
wanted to punish her! I’m figuring out it’s best not to ask questions until later.
David makes his way to the forest, and he keeps running until he decides to take a nap.
Then he wakes up and he’s being walked towards other loners. He finds out that there’s
a whole group of loners, and now he is one of them.
Enter Rachel Weisz!
The woman who has been narrating throughout is finally here, and it turns out it’s against
the loner rules for them to flirt. David just can’t win in either world!
Now, Robert stumbles upon David while he is out hunting for loners with his tranquilizer.
I laughed here too because the intensity of the music mixed with John C Reilly’s face…
who wouldn’t laugh?
David tries to explain his side of things for what happened with his partner that killed
his brother. This keeps him talking long enough for Rachel Weisz to come sneaking up behind
Robert and shiv him behind his knee. You just feel bad for Robert at this point.
Now David, Rachel, and two others are dressed in business attire and walking throughout
the city as though nothing has happened. As they shop for supplies for the camp, David
witnesses the police questioning a random civilian about whether she’s a loner. It
was nice to see a bit of the real world in this seemingly isolated world.
After their trip to the city, David realizes that he has a lot in common with Rachel’s
character. While flirting is prohibited, the two continue with friendly conversation that
helps connect the two.
The loners set out to the hotel to infiltrate specific people in their rooms. David takes
John and Nosebleed-Girl. What? Is he going to kick their daughter in the shin again?
When he confronts the couple, he tells John’s partner that he’s been lying about the nosebleeds
the whole time. He explains that the two of them really aren’t compatible. And who is
listening this whole time? Oh yeah. The same daughter who probably has a permanent limp
now. And what does she do? She didn’t forget about him, and she’s out for blood.
As this is going on, Rachel and the two people who run the loner camp break into the manager’s
bedroom and put her husband to the test. They give him a gun and tell him to shoot the manager
if he could live without her. Obviously without hesitation, he pulls the trigger only to find
out that it’s empty. Why did they risk everything to prove a point? Again, I just shouldn’t
ask about this film.
As a celebration, everyone listens to their CD Walkman and vibes to techno music obviously.
This is my kind of party for sure.
As a way to see if he and Rachel are a true match, David performs a synchronization exercise
that allows them to dance together and eventually kiss. Clearly against the rules! So we all
know where this is headed. Also, the song that they used here is Where the Wild Roses
Grow, by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds featuring Kylie Minogue.
The two of them become so close and infatuated with each other that they end up losing their
restraint in front of the leaders. There’s no way they didn’t realize what they were
doing. There’s only so many people that they can’t do that in front of, and they
just went ahead and did it in front of the two they shouldn’t?
The two of them decide to make a break for the city during the hunt the following day.
Soon after, we realise that the narration has been read to us from Rachel’s journal
this whole time. Once the leader finds it, she makes David dig his own grave.
This leader woman is slowly becoming the best subtle villain I’ve seen in a while. The
leader of the pack takes Rachel to a doctor to get eye surgery done so she will no longer
be short sighted. She instead makes it so that she is blind completely. The big reveal
for the twist is literally just two words too! Could this film be any dryer in it’s
presentation?!
After a touching conversation where she tells David the truth about her eyes, they go through
some trial and error for things they have in common, and he tries to help her get some
of her senses well enough to survive. He tries to kiss her, but she denies him now to follow
the rules. It’s a little late to follow the rules! You’re literally already blind!
But David being the smooth operator he is, comes up with a plan. David leaves the tribe
leader in the grave she makes him dig, and he and Rachel stumble out of the forest.
While the two of them are sitting at a diner, David takes a steak knife into the bathroom
and plans to make himself blind just like Rachel’s character. Watching David hold
a steak knife to his eye for that long, set anxiety all through my body. Just do it already!
But then again, what would this society do with two blind runaways? No! Don’t do it!
And just like I’ve said throughout, don’t ask questions. Considering I just watched
a film about a world where single people are turned into animals if they are single for
too long, I’ve got more questions now than when we started, but somehow, I enjoyed that
immensely.
I hope you enjoyed the video, and by all means, watch the film for yourself. There’s something
there for everyone.
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