- I went through early menopause when I was just 28,
and I've been dealing with the
effects of that for a couple years.
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Early menopause is any menopause
that starts before the age of 40.
The average age of menopause in the United States is 52.
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I've always had an irregular period.
When it started when I was 11 it would be
really heavy for two weeks at a time,
and it would stop and then come back again in two weeks,
so it wasn't every 28 days like it was supposed to be.
As I got older towards high school it would
just be like a month-and-a-half to
three months it would come and not come.
So I was used to things being weird with my cycle.
When I was in college it kind of evened out,
but college is when I started having cramps.
They were insane.
It was like not just abdomen, it was my back, my legs,
my arms, and I had really intense migraines with aura.
Maybe a year or so after college it went back to
being light and just whenever it wanted to be.
So I was like, this is just how my period is, whatever.
I didn't really think anything of it,
and I was like, well, it's light,
so I don't care, just whatever.
I think it's important to say that
I was never on any sort of birth control,
so that wasn't messing with my hormones,
it was just my body being crazy.
The last time I remember having a period was when I was 28,
February of that year I was 28 years old,
and then, later on in the fall it started getting cold
so the first night I turned the heat on
I wake up in the middle of the night
and I'm like just sweating buckets.
I'm like, this is weird.
But I was like, it's just too hot in here.
The next night the same thing happened and I was like,
I'll just sleep with less blankets on.
So I woke up in the middle of the night
and I'm not exaggerating when I say I was afraid
that someone had broken into my apartment
and stabbed me because I was like,
there is so much liquid on my body
I might be lying in a pool of blood.
It was insane, and I was like, what's happening?
I was like, do I have a fever?
Then it happened again,
and it happened for four to six months.
I asked my mom, I was like, mom,
maybe I'm going through early menopause,
and she was like, no, because she didn't,
and none of the women in my family did, to my knowledge.
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During this time I had gone to an OB/GYN
and I was telling her, I was like,
some weird things have been happening.
She made a statement and she said she had to use
the smallest speculum because one of the things that
happens during and after menopause is tightening.
She was really dismissive.
She wouldn't take me seriously.
She didn't ask me any followup questions.
She didn't want to hear any of my questions.
So I was like, okay, well, this is not helpful.
So I kind of just let it go.
Cut to a couple months later and I start
noticing my skin is dryer than normal,
and again, I attributed it to being, it's winter,
so it's cold, the air is dry, that's all it is.
Then I started experiencing some joint pain.
This isn't normal, but I'm a really active person,
so I was like, oh, I just like took too many
classes that day or I ran too far, whatever.
The thing that really let me know that this
is probably definitely menopause is I started
gaining weight in ways I hadn't before.
I've had a really fast metabolism my whole life,
and then, it got to a point where I just like
would gain weight and it took me so long to get it off
or even like maintain a weight that I was happy with.
And so, then I went and did a ton more research
and I was like, oh, no, no,
I definitely have experienced menopause,
and it's been over a year.
If you have gone more than 12 months without a period,
then you've had menopause.
I went to a couple of other doctors and I was like,
hey, this is what's going on with me.
I have a history of autoimmune
disease with myself and my family.
Maybe can we look into this, can we talk?
They're like, no, no, no, just dismissing
me and not taking me seriously.
They wouldn't run any tests.
I really think that's because of a bias
against black women in the medical community
because it happened three different times,
and I still haven't been formally diagnosed,
but I know this is what's happened to me,
and it has been a little bit crazy.
So being in my early 30s going through,
well, 20s when it happened, but 30s now,
was a really strange experience.
There was a point when I was gaining weight
and I was really depressed because I just felt
like my body didn't look the way that I wanted to.
I felt like I wasn't in the best shape that I could be in.
So I really didn't like to go out.
I know that sounds like the skinny person
in the like support group on "This Is Us,"
but it was so different for me that I was like,
I don't wanna wear any clothes because all my
jeans were too tight and I just felt like
all I could wear were sweatshirts.
It was just like, oh, I have no control over myself anymore.
And then, when I tried to talk to medical professionals
and they didn't believe me or want to talk to me,
that was frustrating because I'm like,
I know I'm not crazy and I'm not making this up.
These things are happening.
On the plus side, I really, really,
really, really do not want kids.
A lot of people would be upset about that.
I know a lot of women who,
if they have some sort of reproductive health issue they
would have to go through in vitro and all those things,
so I won't worry about that.
It's weird to know that it's not an option at all.
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So some women choose to do hormone replacement therapy
while or after they've gone through menopause
because when the estrogen leaves your body,
you are at higher risk for osteoporosis
and heart disease and stroke.
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So there's all these reasons why you would want
the estrogen to be there or at least be mimicked.
I haven't done it because no doctors have
entertained me about what's going on with me.
It's okay because there's a lot of controversy about it.
So I did a lot of research.
I've taken black cohosh instead for the past few years.
It's the root of this herb.
It just kind of works with your body
and you're less at risk for those things.
I've just been really vigilant about my health.
I've been drinking water and exercising
and just being kinda mindful and trying not to do
as many things as I used to do,
or at least like be careful of my knees
'cause I love to run and stuff like that,
which is ridiculous hearing me say, but, I mean,
I've just decided like I have to take care of myself
because I'm the only one who's gonna do it.
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One of the stigmas about menopause is that
you're no longer a woman when you can't produce a child,
and I obviously don't believe that,
but it's something that I haven't really talked
with a lot of people about because
I know they'll think of me differently.
I don't want kids for a plethora of reasons,
but now there's the added fact of like I can't have them.
A lot of men will kind of be like, oh no.
You can't catch menopause, like you're fine.
It's an interesting thing to kind of
navigate when I'm meeting someone new.
Like when do I say that?
Oh, by the way, I can't have any children.
They're like, did you think we were gonna have some?
Like, no, no I didn't, but I'm just letting you know.
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So one of the things that has come out of this
is I've been a lot more self-sufficient,
so much more aware of like how my body is in the world.
Because all of this has happened I've missed out on all the,
I guess, menstrual activism with like
the Thinx panties and the eco-friendly tampons,
but the plus side is I don't have a period anymore
so I don't have to spend like tons of money
every month on those products.
There is a silver lining.
I think everything is bearable if you just like do
your research and have positive people around you.
But also, no period.
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