Adversity is inevitable.
Running from it, does not make it lesser or go away.
Running from pain only magnifies the pain and adds to the suffering.
Often times, our fear of what could happen is far worse than if it actually did happen.
So here are some simple methods that can help you overcome adversity.
Step 1: know thyself.
To know yourself is to be a tree with deep roots.
When you embrace your true authenticity, you will build a foundation from within.
You won’t be dependent on external forces for validation, and therefore external forces
will not be able to shake you.
If you have a healthy foundation - a healthy body, a mindset of resilience and a deep understanding
of your core values, principles and priorities - when stormy weather comes around, your foundation
will hold.
However, if you are weak of heart and mind, and look for your identity in other’s opinions
of you, or cling to an ideology or material possessions, then you will snap like a dead
twig when adversity comes around.
To know yourself on a deep level is to find your purpose.
If you know your why, you can bear any how.
Many of us go through life without feeling that we have real purpose, even though everyone
of us has unique qualities to offer the world.
So how do you find your purpose?
This one simple exercise can be of tremendous help.
It’s a japanese principle called ikigai.
Here you will home in on what you are good at, what you love doing, what you will get
paid to do and what the world needs...
Ask yourself these questions.
If you are missing one of these foundational pillars, you will falter.
If you are not good at what you pursue, then you will quit.
If you don’t love it, then you will be miserable.
If it’s something that doesn’t pay money, then you will be broke, and if it’s not
what the world needs, then you won’t have any meaningful impact.
The center of these 4 circles is your sweet spot.
It is where you will find purpose, meaning and sustained success.
Step 2: accept that there WILL be suffering.
As the ancient mystics, philosophers and prophets say, “life is suffering”.
The suffering is an inevitable part of existence.
Even if you spent your entire life in a warm pool, binge watching netflix and eating cake,
you would still suffer.
Your loved ones would die, you would have negative thoughts, and eventually you would
deteriorate and die.
There is no avoiding suffering...
But you can either suffer as a victim or you can face adversity voluntarily.
When you face suffering, it suddenly gives your suffering meaning.
We do not have the ability to avoid suffering, but we do have the power to face our suffering
willingly.
When we do this, when we embrace a challenge instead of brace for catastrophe, your life
will have meaning.
As Marcus Aurelius put it “The obstacle in your way is but a stepping stone on your
journey.”
We cannot change the external world.
But we always have the power to change ourselves...and that will change the external world.
No matter how treacherous your journey may be, you always have the power to change the
way you see the adversity before you.
This is what it means to have free will.
“We may not be responsible for the world that created our minds, but we can take responsibility
for the mind with which we create our world”.
- Gabor Mate
Even things that seem far beyond your control, when they fall apart, and they will, you can
embrace these events as lessons.
Life teaches us lessons in mysterious ways.
It is impossible to know if anything is good or bad, for the most tragic and painful events
often lead to the most profound breakthroughs.
The biggest mistakes often lead to the greatest accomplishments.
If we choose to view adversity through the lens of learning experiences, we will grow
through adversity.
The more discomfort you can handle, the more growth.
“Falling down is not failure, Failure comes when you stay where you have fallen” - Socrates.
There are no dead ends and there are no failures as long as you see these obstacles as stepping
stones on your journey.
Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Has anything happened to you?
Good.
It’s supposed to happen.”, Meditations 4.26.
When you face adversity, remember this: it is not personal.
Things unfold as links in a long causal chain.
The struggles we face are training us for a higher purpose.
We are part of a higher wisdom, but it’s hard to see when we’re so close.
Step 3, The Obstacle is the way.
The mighty sequoyah tree, the largest tree on earth, has a seed that is trapped in a
pinecone.
It is only when a fire scorches the forest do conditions get hot enough for the pinecone
to split open so the seed can be released and new life can begin.
The Sequouah cannot reproduce without the fire.
Similarly, the cecropia moth has some of the largest most beautiful insect wings on the
planet.
It also has an incredibly thick cocoon, which makes its path to emerge a highly difficult
struggle.
Many people who own these moths as pets try to help the moth break free from its cocoon.
However, the moth’s struggle to break out is absolutely paramount to its survival, because
without this adversity, its wings do not develop enough strength to open and it will never
be able to fly.
The lesson here is don’t abort the process.
Don’t cut the cocoon.
The opposite is giving up the moment something gets hard.
We want an escape - so we turn to easy, comforting addictive behaviors like smoking, drinking
or our phone.
When in reality, going into adversity is the path forward.
The obstacle IS THE WAY.
Step 4, Hold on to what is good.
When your suffering is part of a greater purpose and you see it as an opportunity for growth,
you will always have something that anchors you to what is good in this world.
In Lord of the Rings, Two Towers, when Frodo tries to abandon the journey, Sam says to
him:
The old great stories.
The ones that matter.
Full of darkness and danger.
So much so that sometimes you don’t even want to know the ending.
Because how can the end be happy?
How can the world go back to what it was before everything bad happened?
But in the end, it is only a passing thing.
The shadow, and even darkness will pass.
And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer.
Those are the stories that mean something.
Even if you are too small to understand it, Folk in those stories had lots of chances
of turning back only they didn’t.
Because they held on to something good in this world.
And it is worth fighting for.
Meaning - change is inevitable.
No matter how bad things seem, always remember that they too shall pass.
Nothing is Permanent.
The night is always coldest and darkest just before dawn.
Find what is good in this world - family, purpose, love, creativity, nature, friendship
- and hold on to that.
Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right and lovely and admirable.
Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Focusing on good things will keep you from drifting into the darkness of nihilism and
loss of meaning.
There is a light in every dark place.
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.
The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
It’s not about denying reality, it’s about focusing on the positive and extracting the
meaning from every obstacle.
Obstacles can either be the bars of a mental prison or they can be a key to unlocking your
full potential.
So embrace the suffering.
Face your adversity voluntarily.
Be grateful for misfortune.
Extract the meaning...and hold on to what is good.
Death smiles at us all; all we can do is smile back.
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